I guess that Sober Valley Lodge was a fucking sham, man. TMZ says:

[Charlie Sheen's ex-wife] Brooke Mueller was arrested last night in Aspen, Colorado on suspicion of felony cocaine possession.

Police found Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife inside a nightclub called Escobar after she allegedly assaulted some woman at a nearby drinking establishment.

In addition to cocaine possession, Brooke was also booked on a misdemeanor 3rd degree assault charge.

She was released from the Pitkin County jail this morning on $11,000 bond.

This is exactly why you don’t hire Charlie fucking Sheen to be your sober coach. You wouldn’t hire Roseanne Barr to be your nutritionist or Adolf Hitler to teach anger management, would you? Dumbassery at its absolutely finest.

Paris Hilton plead guilty to misdemeanor drug possession today in order to avoid jail time stemming from her August arrest in Las Vegas. According to TMZ:

In exchange she must pay $2,000 in fines, complete 200 hours of community service and complete an “intensive” substance abuse program. She will also be on probation for one year.

The judge informed Paris that she has been given a one year suspended sentence — which means if she is arrested for anything other than a minor traffic violation, she will spend 1 year behind bars.

I thought Lady Justice was supposed to carry a sword. Apparently if you’re a celebrity, it’s really more of a rubber dildo. And she’s not so much wielding it as she is shoving it in her own ass and crying.

Michael Douglas’ son Cameron was busted yesterday with enough meth for an entire trailer park and most of the topless revue at Clancy Truck Stop ‘n’ Go-Go off I-81. TMZ says

Cameron Douglas was arrested in New York City for possession of methamphetamines with the intent to distribute. The 30-year-old actor was taken into custody by federal authorities earlier today.

It’s not the first time Cameron has been busted for drugs. Back in 2007 he was charged with felony possession of a controlled substance after cops found a syringe with liquid cocaine in a car he was in.

My mom always use to say, “A little meth never heard anybody.” At least, I think that’s what she was saying. It was hard to understand her sometimes because most of her teeth had fallen out and her gums were riddled with sores and she was usually shouting it from her makeshift hammock in the corner of the shed where she lived so the government couldn’t listen in on her thoughts anymore.

And now for some sexy Jennifer Aniston leg action on the set of “The Bounty” to cleanse the palate:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News, Splash News