Ugh.  That Other Kardashian (not the preggo and not the one with the ass; the Amazonian one) went on Chelsea Handler’s show with her pretend husband, and this ridiculous shit happened:

They got married just a month after they met, and now just another month later, Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian look to be wasting little time taking another big step.

Appearing on E!’s Chelsea Lately, Kardashian, 25, was asked by host Chelsea Handler if she was pregnant yet, like sister Kourtney.

It was Odom who answered: “Soon.”

“You planning on having a baby soon?” Handler asked. “You want to do that right away?”

“I do,” said Odom, 30.

And Kardashian’s answer? “Okay,” she says.

Look, I don’t really care if two clinically retarded people whore themselves and their fake TV marriage out to anyone who will listen so they can make easy money and never have to get real jobs.  I mean, it’s cheap and disgusting, but so is most of Hollywood so I just can’t be bothered to get worked up about it.  But please, for the love of all that is holy, can’t the fates intervene and somehow arrange it so these two get trapped in an industrial sized microwave for approximately eight hours, or however long it might take to fully irradiate their reproductive organs?  I really feel like that’s not a lot to ask, here.

Leaving the E! studios after their appearance on Chelsea Lately:

Ohh boy. Can you hear it? It’s the sound of tweens worldwide simultaneously “Squee!”-ing at the same time. It’s fictional romance come to life! Daily News is reporting that Twilight’s Kristen Stewart may be carrying Robert Pattinson’s pasty spawn.

An Australian tabloid is claiming that “Twilight” heartthrob Robert Pattinson has knocked up his onscreen and rumored real-life girlfriend, Kristen Stewart.

An “insider” quoted by Australia’s New Weekly says, “When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father.”

The gossip mag also reports she had a friend buy a home pregnancy test for her, and that she is “very nervous about the whole situation.”

The article is accompanied by a photo of Stewart with a tiny round belly protruding from her pants on the set of her upcoming film “The Runaways,” in which she plays rocker Joan Jett.

While the pregnancy story is making the rounds on the Web, reps for Stewart and Pattinson have not confirmed whether there is any truth to the New Weekly’s report.

I’m thinking of writing my own Twilight fan fiction. In it, Bella gets knocked up by Edward because she’s too much of a stoned mouth-breather to make him use a condom, her dad finds out and kicks her out of the house, and she has to drop out of school. Edward starts acting all squirrely because he’s suddenly not sure he really loves Bella all that much, and ignores the notes that she leaves him, even though they’re written in blood. Bella gets all weepy and depressed and spends her days deep-throating Twinkies, gets super fat, pimply, then Edward chokes her and she dies of a broken heart shortly after delivering the surprise twins, which Edward promptly eats. The End.

Displaying the “pooch” and really bad posture during “The Runaways” filming: