Ohh boy. Can you hear it? It’s the sound of tweens worldwide simultaneously “Squee!”-ing at the same time. It’s fictional romance come to life! Daily News is reporting that Twilight’s Kristen Stewart may be carrying Robert Pattinson’s pasty spawn.

An Australian tabloid is claiming that “Twilight” heartthrob Robert Pattinson has knocked up his onscreen and rumored real-life girlfriend, Kristen Stewart.

An “insider” quoted by Australia’s New Weekly says, “When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father.”

The gossip mag also reports she had a friend buy a home pregnancy test for her, and that she is “very nervous about the whole situation.”

The article is accompanied by a photo of Stewart with a tiny round belly protruding from her pants on the set of her upcoming film “The Runaways,” in which she plays rocker Joan Jett.

While the pregnancy story is making the rounds on the Web, reps for Stewart and Pattinson have not confirmed whether there is any truth to the New Weekly’s report.

I’m thinking of writing my own Twilight fan fiction. In it, Bella gets knocked up by Edward because she’s too much of a stoned mouth-breather to make him use a condom, her dad finds out and kicks her out of the house, and she has to drop out of school. Edward starts acting all squirrely because he’s suddenly not sure he really loves Bella all that much, and ignores the notes that she leaves him, even though they’re written in blood. Bella gets all weepy and depressed and spends her days deep-throating Twinkies, gets super fat, pimply, then Edward chokes her and she dies of a broken heart shortly after delivering the surprise twins, which Edward promptly eats. The End.

Displaying the “pooch” and really bad posture during “The Runaways” filming:

You might remember that Britney Spears was photographed shopping in a Los Angeles Rite-Aid at one in the morning the same day she was supposed to show in court for her child custody hearing (she never actually made it in). Well, Britney fan site Breathe Heavy has footage of what she was shopping for in Rite-Aid that day. Can you guess what’s in Britney’s hand in the above picture? Is it:

1.) Boil-Ease

2.) Shotgun shells

3.) Ben and Jerry’s “Chunky Monkey”

I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that is incorrect! Ms. Spears is actually in possession of one over-the-counter pregnancy test. I guess she wanted to make sure that earlier dressing-room fuck with Adnan at the Betsey Johnson store in Sherman Oaks took. Page Six says

Spears grabbed dresses from the racks and disappeared into a dressing room with Ghalib. Moments later, she came out completely naked. “I was blown away. Britney’s private parts were right in front of me!” a store employee [said.] “I grabbed a dress to cover her, and she screamed, ‘Get away from me! Don’t you [bleep]ing come near me!’ . . . Then she disappeared in the dressing room with Adnan for 45 minutes. They were making weird noises. It was disgusting.” When the lovebirds stumbled out, “I couldn’t understand a word she was saying. She was slurring and spitting and talking with a British accent. Her face was covered with cold sores and acne, and her scalp was patchy. I wanted to help her, but she was so mean that I left her alone. Then she muttered, ‘[bleep] you!’ and left the store.”

Oh, yeah, she’s the next Princess Di, alright. Now that she has the British accent and foreign boyfriend, all she’s missing is the crown. Princess Di shaved her own head and choked to death on a chalupa in front of a Taco Bell, right? I thought so. Yeah, they’re like goddamn twins or something.

Princess Di Britney in cutoffs and cystic acne: