Everyone’s speculating on the state of Tiger Woods’ marriage (there’s even a site where you can bet on how long it lasts), but I can personally guarantee you Elin Nordegren isn’t going anywhere. Not for five more years, anyway. According to Us Weekly

The reason Nordegren isn’t leaving her 33-year-old pro golfer husband [is the] “hefty seven-figure amount” of money promised to her if she stays.

The couple have been married five years, and according to their current agreement, they need to remain married for 10 years in order for Nordegren to collect a divorce settlement of $20 million.

[But per her demands], the updated prenup would likely be revised with a shortened marriage timeframe and a higher dollar amount.

Isn’t putting a price tag on love was considered prostitution by most courts of law? That’s how the arresting officer explained it to me, anyway. Bastards.

UPDATE: The Daily Beast is reporting that Elin will be awarded $80 million if she sticks it out with Tiger for another 7 years. Given that figure, you could do the math and you’d realize that Tiger spent $26.5 million a piece on each of the three women he banged. $26.5 million. Talk about overpaying! I have a hunch he could’ve had that Jaimee Grubbs chick for fourteen bucks and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor.

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s wedding this past weekend was all for show (specifically, for her show), because it turns out the two aren’t actually legally married at all — and they won’t be until they can agree on a prenup. C’est l’amour! TMZ says

Two high-powered family law attorneys are already squaring off, trying to hash out the prenup Odom wants as a condition to marriage. The negotiations — which began last Friday — are already contentious.

Our sources say the couple will tie the knot — legally — once the prenup is inked.

Or they could just go ahead and get the divorce papers rolling while they’re there. You know, save everybody involved a little time and legal fees when this all blows up in their faces.

At their rehearsal dinner:

Singer Mariah Carey secretly married boyfriend Nick Cannon in an impromptu Bahama wedding on Wednesday. Best part is, she didn’t make him sign a pre-nup. The New York Post says

Carey married little-screen actor Nick Cannon at the home Carey just bought in Eleuthera. “They have been smitten with each other for days, weeks,” a friend said. “And it could work out – some people know each other for five years and get divorced, maybe this is true instant love. There was no pre-nup – there wasn’t time.”

Nick Cannon’s biggest claim to fame is getting dumped by Victoria’s Secret model Selita Ebanks five months after he proposed to her. Mariah Carey, on the other hand, just surpassed Elvis as the artist with the most number one Billboard singles in history. Even if “All That” was shown 57 times a day in all 195 countries around the world for the next quarter of a century, Nick still wouldn’t have come within smelling range of Mariah Carey’s income tax bracket. But now that’s he’s married her, he gets to wipe his ass with Benjamin Franklin’s face for the rest of his life. The only way this guy could be any luckier is if his parents happened to be leprechaun-genie hybrids who lived in a wishing well.