A year ago, Katy Perry refused to listen to anybody who told her not to marry Russell Brand or make him sign a prenup, because they were in love and a love like theirs lasts forever. Except it didn’t, and now he’s entitled to half of the $44 million she made in 2011. TMZ says:

Everything they earned during their 14-month marriage is community property — which means they’re each entitled to 50% of the pot — so Russell could have scored a fortune if he exercised his community property rights.

But as one source put it, “This divorce is as amicable as it gets… Russell doesn’t want Katy’s money. He’s happy to walk away with the money he earned — which is far less than what Katy raked in.”

Well, I’ll be damned. I figured he would milk that dumb broad for all she’s worth. I wouldn’t have guessed there was a noble bone in Russell Brand’s body, unless “noble bone” was just one of those coy British euphemism meaning “erection.”

It seems to be physically impossible for David Arquette to shut his stupid piehole about his and Courtney Cox’s “trial” separation, because he phoned into Howard Stern’s radio show for a second time yesterday to tell the world that they didn’t have a prenup and that he cried after having sex with another woman. The Daily Mail says:

Arquette [revealed that] the couple didn’t have a prenuptial agreement, meaning Arquette could get half of Cox’s fortune, which he said is worth around $100 million dollars.

The actor [also] revealed that he slept with a blond Australian he met at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. He went on to claim that it wasn’t a great or satisfying experience, explaining it lacked “that emotional love that I always had with Court.”

“After the first girl I slept with… a few days later, I was, like, crying,” he confessed. “It was the end of all the intimacy I shared with my wife. It was like a new thing. It was like… putting that away.”

I don’t understand all the hullabaloo. So he cried after sex. Big deal! I always cry after sex. And usually during. And then again when I’m in the shower scouring my genitals with Pinesol and reciting I Corinthians 6 verses 18-20.

Not only does Larry King NOT have a prenup with estranged wife Shawn Southwick, he also signed away the rights to his Beverly Hills mansion and two homes in Utah five years ago (that would be the first time Shawn accused him of boning her sister). TMZ says of the non-existent prenup:

Sources tell us Larry — who was married 7 times before tying the knot with Shawn — did not demand a prenup. As one source close to the situation [said], “She is a tall, good-looking blonde and that pretty much explains it.”

In California, earnings accumulated during a marriage are split 50/50. Larry’s net worth is reportedly estimated at $144 million.

And of the homes he signed over to his estranged wife:

Several years ago Shawn accused Larry of having an affair with her sister, Shannon Engemann. Shawn threatened to leak the story to the media unless Larry signed a document giving up his interest in their Beverly Hills estate, along with two other homes in Utah.

Larry took the document to his attorney, who ordered him not to sign it. Larry [then] went to Shawn’s lawyer, and that attorney eventually gave Larry the green light to sign the agreement.

Larry will try to undo the agreement in divorce court [by claiming] “undue influence” — that Shawn bullied Larry into sitting down with a former partner of her lawyer who told him it was okay to sign the agreement.

When Larry asked his lawyers what legal position he should take regarding undue influence, his attorneys reportedly said, “bent over with your ass cheeks spread, you dumbass.” They were married for thirteen years. Dude is completely fucked.

Everyone’s speculating on the state of Tiger Woods’ marriage (there’s even a site where you can bet on how long it lasts), but I can personally guarantee you Elin Nordegren isn’t going anywhere. Not for five more years, anyway. According to Us Weekly

The reason Nordegren isn’t leaving her 33-year-old pro golfer husband [is the] “hefty seven-figure amount” of money promised to her if she stays.

The couple have been married five years, and according to their current agreement, they need to remain married for 10 years in order for Nordegren to collect a divorce settlement of $20 million.

[But per her demands], the updated prenup would likely be revised with a shortened marriage timeframe and a higher dollar amount.

Isn’t putting a price tag on love was considered prostitution by most courts of law? That’s how the arresting officer explained it to me, anyway. Bastards.

UPDATE: The Daily Beast is reporting that Elin will be awarded $80 million if she sticks it out with Tiger for another 7 years. Given that figure, you could do the math and you’d realize that Tiger spent $26.5 million a piece on each of the three women he banged. $26.5 million. Talk about overpaying! I have a hunch he could’ve had that Jaimee Grubbs chick for fourteen bucks and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor.

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s wedding this past weekend was all for show (specifically, for her show), because it turns out the two aren’t actually legally married at all — and they won’t be until they can agree on a prenup. C’est l’amour! TMZ says

Two high-powered family law attorneys are already squaring off, trying to hash out the prenup Odom wants as a condition to marriage. The negotiations — which began last Friday — are already contentious.

Our sources say the couple will tie the knot — legally — once the prenup is inked.

Or they could just go ahead and get the divorce papers rolling while they’re there. You know, save everybody involved a little time and legal fees when this all blows up in their faces.

At their rehearsal dinner:

Singer Mariah Carey secretly married boyfriend Nick Cannon in an impromptu Bahama wedding on Wednesday. Best part is, she didn’t make him sign a pre-nup. The New York Post says

Carey married little-screen actor Nick Cannon at the home Carey just bought in Eleuthera. “They have been smitten with each other for days, weeks,” a friend said. “And it could work out – some people know each other for five years and get divorced, maybe this is true instant love. There was no pre-nup – there wasn’t time.”

Nick Cannon’s biggest claim to fame is getting dumped by Victoria’s Secret model Selita Ebanks five months after he proposed to her. Mariah Carey, on the other hand, just surpassed Elvis as the artist with the most number one Billboard singles in history. Even if “All That” was shown 57 times a day in all 195 countries around the world for the next quarter of a century, Nick still wouldn’t have come within smelling range of Mariah Carey’s income tax bracket. But now that’s he’s married her, he gets to wipe his ass with Benjamin Franklin’s face for the rest of his life. The only way this guy could be any luckier is if his parents happened to be leprechaun-genie hybrids who lived in a wishing well.