It just might be that this time in the never-ending saga of Lindsay Lohan’s legal woes, Lady Justice won’t be bent over and violated in the name of celebrity leniency. I’m sure she’s happy about that possibility. She seems to be fucked a lot these days. Says OK! Magazine,

Lindsay Lohan arrived to her arraignment hearing to face a felony grand-theft charge today in L.A. looking more like she was heading to the club, not court. She was, however, 20 minutes early, but she is still in hot water. She was just remanded into custody after a direct warning from Judge Keith Schwartz.

Lindsay entered a not guilty plea in her felony theft case, TMZ reports, and the judge certainly laid down the law.

While he set her bail at $20,000, he issued a warning to the 24-year-old troubled starlet.

“I’m trying to put this at polite as possible because of all the media interest here,” Judge Schwartz began his lecture. “You are in a different situation now that a felony has been filed against you. Until a resolution is released, if you violate the law I will remand you with no bail.”

“You need to follow the laws just like everyone else. You’re no different then anyone else so please don’t push your luck. I’m telling you things will be different.”

Lindsay was also ordered to stay away from the jewelry store during the case after L.A. County Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers mentioned flowers had been delivered to the store.

It was not confirmed that LiLo or her camp sent the flowers, but that idea seem to be strongly suggested.

Ha ha, she makes off with a $2500 necklace, pretends that she thought the jewelry store let her “borrow” it, and she thinks that sending flowers is gonna make it all nice? Bitch, please. You should have at least added a signing telegram with it.

Showing up to court:

Lindsay Lohan has graduated from piddly misdemeanor charges (those are for babies!) to the big time: felony grand theft. Says Today MSNBC,

Prosecutors charged Lindsay Lohan Wednesday with felony grand theft of a $2,500 necklace — a case that could return the troubled starlet to jail rather than the big screen.

The “Mean Girls” star was due to be arraigned later in the day. Her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, has denied the allegation.

Prosecutors want Superior Court Judge Keith Schwartz to set bail at $20,000, according to the complaint. If convicted, Lohan could face up to three years in state prison.

Judge Schwartz will determine if Lohan violated the terms of her probation, which required her to obey all laws and submit to random drug and alcohol testing.

She’s clearly not learning her lesson here. What she needs is some good ol’ corporal punishment, like they do in Indonesia. Tie her up on Hollywood Blvd., pull down her pants, and cane her ass ’til she’s red. Or, redder, more like it. If you happened to get turned on in the process, well, that’s okay with me.

Checking in with her probation officer yesterday:

Photographer Craig McDean has a different way of viewing jail than I do. His vision includes sexy blonde siren Blake Lively up to no good and waiting for her punishment in a clean, if albeit bleak jail. My vision usually includes less sexy and more urine, puke and probing. Sometimes in that order.


This is the kind of quality person that Lindsay Lohan attracts. Can I say it? Ewwwww. Creepy McCreepersons here was patiently waiting in the wee hours of the morning to see his idol. I don’t think even Lindsay deserves to have this dude stalking her. Okay, I take that back. She does.

It’s a loser match made in heaven!

Proving that justice is not only blind but is seriously retarded, possibly walks with a gimp and is susceptible to celebrity influence, Lindsay Lohan is out of jail. Says Digital Spy,

Lindsay Lohan has left jail after serving less than 14 days of her 90-day sentence.

E! reports that the actress left prison in the early hours of this morning and was taken directly to rehab.

Lohan began her sentence on July 20 after being convicted of violating her probation conditions.

Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department spokesman Steve Whitmore said: “Per court order she has been sent directly to her next destination, which is a treatment centre.

“She is now under the supervision of the LA County Probation Department. This concludes her custody.”

Lohan will now spend 90 days in rehab as part of her sentence.

I would say that it will be like heaven on earth not to hear about Lindsay for 90 days, but we know she’ll manage to weasel her way out of this one too. And be “weasel” I mean “blow every male in a position of authority”. It’s her MO, after all.

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