Lindsay Lohan clipped a baby stroller with her Maserati yesterday after failing to look both ways before turning at a red light. Police were never called to the scene, probably because the woman and her toddler were Hispanic and therefore here illegally. Or possibly because they were unharmed in the process. It’s hard to say. Radar Online says:
“Lindsay took the red light and hit the stroller. It wasn’t super hard, but she made impact and hit them,” witness Brayan Jaime [said]. “Lindsay pulled to the right, then just kept going.”
Jaime claims Lohan came out of the parking garage quickly, making only a brief pause at the red light instead of a full stop.
[In a] video taken just moments after the incident occurred, Lohan’s luxury Maserati can be seen speeding away.
The child can be heard crying in the stroller… [and] the woman in the video is seen looking back at Lohan’s car in disbelief as she continues to cross the street.
“She was just driving like crazy once I started following her. She was trying to lose me, blowing stop signs and stuff,” Jaime said. “Lindsay was scared because she knew I saw what she did.”
Far be it from me to condone the mowing down of minorities. That’s really more of a “state of Arizona” kinda thing. The forced sterilization via “vaccines” masterminded by John P. Holdren and Bilderberg elitists will probably do the job in another ten years, anyway. Who needs Lindsay Lohan and her lack of peripheral vision when we have the World Health Organization?
WITH photoshop for Machete (1st thumb); unretouched pics (the rest):
Now that everybody has seen it 4,583 times in their official “Jersey Shore” promo (see above), MTV has suddenly decided to yank the footage of housemate Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi being punched in piehole from next week’s episode. MTV said in a written statement
“What happened to Snooki was a crime and obviously extremely disturbing. After hearing from our viewers, further consulting with experts on the issue of violence, and seeing how the video footage has been taken out of context not to show the severity of this act or resulting consequences, MTV has decided not to air Snooki being physically punched in the face.”
While they might not be showing it, the fight will still be addressed in the episode, which will also end with a message from the Teen Dating Abuse Helpline organization. Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it? Now it’s not a shameless hook for ratings; it’s an outreach to abused teens! I think Mammy from “Gone with the Wind” said it best: You can give yourself airs, and get yourself all rigged up like you were a race horse, but at the end of the day you’re still just a mule in a horse harness and you don’t fool anybody. MTV pretending it has some kind of moral fiber is like a hooker pulling out elbow-length gloves and and a pair of opera glasses before she sucks you off behind a Luby’s parking lot dumpster. Really, why even bother.
The Situation, JWoww, Pauly D and Snooki greasing it up Hollywood over the weekend:
Kelly Brook’s boobs are slated to be a presenter at the “Heels That Heal” charity auction next month. The Daily Mail says
Kylie Minogue is selling her Giuseppe Zanotti heels, Cheryl Cole her fuchsia Rupert Sanderson pumps, Leona Lewis her Stella McCartney strappy sandals and Davina McCall her Carvella platform wedges [in the hopes of raising over] $1 million to fund research into women’s issues.
And judging from these pictures, “women’s issues” mostly entail things like “attempting to breathe after shoehorning your tits into a latex dress” and “not choking on your hair extensions when they crank up the wind machine to ‘full-force gale.’” I hope one million is enough to cover it.
You know how I always said that Megan Fox should shut her damn trap already and just stuff a sandwich in that stupid cock-holster of hers? Um, I just changed my mind. Gross.
Filming a SNL promo (video of which you can watch after the jump) with Andy Samberg:
Megan Fox loved getting her lezzie on with costar Amanda Seyfried in the new Diablo Cody movie “Jennifer’s Body,” but Amanda was obviously intimidated by making out with someone so unbelievably hot and rife with raw insecurity sexuality. At least that’s the way Megan saw it. She told Us Magazine
“I felt more comfortable kissing [Amanda] in the movie than kissing any of the other people that I had to kiss. [But] I think she was extremely uncomfortable. I don’t think that — I know that. She was not comfortable and there was a lot of laughing — like, giggling fits that happened in between takes.
[But] I’m pretty sexy in it.”
Because God forbid anybody think anyone other than Megan Fox is sexy in this movie. Especially not Amanda Seyfried. Only Megan can be confident in her sexuality! That’s kind of her schtick, you know? So is being insipid, over-compensatory and one-dimensional — and I’m not just talking about Diablo Cody’s screenplay! Ba-dum chish!*
* That’s TWO in one day! I better go lay down now before I hurt myself.
Now you, too, can have that Chernobyl glow, thanks to Lindsay Lohan’s new line of self-tanner “Sevin Nyne.” People Magazine says
“I have tried every product on the market and never found something that I loved [until I met spray tanner Lorit Simon]. She had an amazing tanning formula that over the years we continued to perfect,” Lindsay reveals of the partnership. “It was important to me to have a natural product that didn’t have a lot of dyes and chemicals. Our product has goji berry extract which has antioxidant properties, it has a natural golden color, it doesn’t streak and smells delicious — not like a typical tanning product.”
The $35 spray will become available exclusively in Sephora stores on the first of May — with an early web launch on Sephora.com on April 15.
And, judging from the promo ads, it also erases freckles while broadening your jaw line! I’m sure it also works as a long-lasting penile numbing agent to prolong sexual encounters, and when huffed, produces a buzz similar to that of inhaling VCR head cleaner. Lindsay Lohan’s not going to just put her name on anything, you know. It has to be a product she can stand behind. Or at least get in front of on all fours.
