S.S. Mischa Barton is Bustin’ Out

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Mischa Barton busts a seam in her dress

Mischa Barton and some little friend of hers were walking to the Bowery Hotel yesterday, and Mischa was… well, she was certainly filling out her dress.  She busted one of her ass seams:

Mischa Barton busts a seam in her dress

I don’t get Mischa Barton.  She’s certainly not fat, but she’s not very well toned and she picks out the world’s most unflattering outfits.  She’s got great bone structure, but her hair’s a damn mess and she spackles her eyes like she’s a blind crack whore.  I just don’t get it.  But whatever it is, she’s outta the psych ward now so I want her to knock it off and try harder.

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Mischa Barton busts a seam in her dressMischa Barton busts a seam in her dressMischa Barton busts a seam in her dressMischa Barton busts a seam in her dress

Susan Boyle Admitted to Nervous Hospital After Breakdown

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“Hairy Angel” Susan Boyle was admitted to Priory clinic in London yesterday for an “emotional breakdown” after losing Britain’s Got Talent to dance troop Diversity on Saturday. According to The Sun

The 48-year-old virgin… was rushed to the private clinic suffering from exhaustion.

Show aides had contacted police to say she was acting strangely at her London hotel. Paramedics helped the “spaced-out” star through the lobby and into an ambulance just after 6pm.

A Britain’s Got Talent spokeswoman said: “Following Saturday’s show, Susan is exhausted and emotionally drained. We offer her our ongoing support and wish her a speedy recovery.”

What could have left her so “exhausted” and “emotionally drained,” you ask?

Earlier, she had launched into a furious four-letter outburst when told her glittering stage costume had failed to arrive just 15 minutes before she was due to appear on stage… [and] sank into the arms of producers before starting to cry.

For the record, she wasn’t bleeding to death after a forced female circumcision or being marched at gunpoint into a mass grave; her sparkly dress was a little late for the singing show. If beating old people wasn’t such a cultural taboo, I’d give her a “dream to dream” with the back side of a tire iron.

The winners being announced on the show’s finale after the jump

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Britney Gets Robbed

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Britney’s little sabbatical at UCLA’s psych ward has officially been extended a full fourteen days, leaving estranged father Jamie Spears in charge of her estate in the interim (Britney’s lawyers will be going to court again today to try to remove him as co-conservator). First on Daddy’s list? Obtaining a restraining order against “manager” Sam Lutfi. Mysteriously, hours before Sam was legally ordered out of Britney’s house, several of her valuables were stolen. According to Us Weekly

The Los Angeles Police Department was called to the Beverly Hills home of Britney Spears Friday after her parents discovered valuable possessions belonging to the singer were missing. Spears’ parents believe that the items were stolen after their daughter was taken to the UCLA Medical Center early Thursday morning.

A bank safe was among the valuables reported missing. The safe contained two cartons of Marlboro Lights, a Louis Vuitton suitcase full of sour cream and a partially-burned Hannah Montana wig and mike stand. Police suspect the culprit is Sam Lutfi, Sam Lutfi or Sam Lutfi, while Britney blames leprechauns and her mother for having slept with them. Further bulletins as events warrant.

Kirsten Dunst Is About To Break

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Britney Spears seems to be setting a crazy trend here lately, with “Grey’s Anatomy” star Justin Chambers checking into the very same UCLA psych ward this week and actress Kirsten Dunst reportedly teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown herself. According to Page Six

Kirsten Dunst’s strange ways have tongues wagging that she’s “on the verge of a breakdown.” The starlet came late, left early, and “acted erratic” during a recent event at Sundance, according to insiders. Friends of the actress made apologies on her behalf, saying, “Kirsten is not in a good place right now.” Dunst, who split from Razorlight rocker boyfriend Johnny Borell last year, has not been photographed or spotted out in recent weeks.

I’d guess the breakdown has less to do with a relationship gone sour and more to do with “fish out of water” syndrome. Kirsten’s type are most comfortable hiding under a bridge and bellowing riddles to wayfaring gnomes, not posing for pictures on the red carpet. You know, “Answer me these questions three!” and stealing babies and other such troll inclinations. I’m sure it gets hard living so far out of your element.

Kirsten hobgobbling around Sundance:

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