It looks like Kim Kardashian has finally done something redeeming with her life and joined the U.S. Navy. And as you can tell from the pictures, the Navy’s really done a lot to spruce up the old uniform. Nothing says “military bearing” like a Bedazzler! I’m sure Kim’s relieved to have finally found a job where the words “seamen” and “poop deck” aren’t always directed at her.

Performing with the Pussycat Dolls over the weekend:

After Britney Spears made a cameo in their latest video, the Pussycat Dolls have set their sights on an even bigger train wreck — singer Amy Winehouse. According to The Sun

The Pussycat Dolls now want to sex up Amy Winehouse. [Lead singer] Nicole [Scherzinger] said: “We would love to hook up with Amy. I am not sure what Amy thinks of us but I think we can make something sexy that will sell.”

What I’m imagining is something kinda like Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” only with more tranny prostitutes and scabbing. And what about the issue of how to pack that much sexiness into one four-minute song? Cue a toilet plunger and a little syrup of ipecac, baby!

Trannycats day 2 of the video shoot:

Paris Hilton put on her best Village People-themed leatherwear for a birthday performance with the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas over the weekend. Birthday party number three for the heiress included such hits as “Paris ripping off (NSFW) Dita von Teese” and “More wonky eye than you could shake a dick at.” If you weren’t lucky enough to be in the crowd at Pure Sunday night, just imagine you gave a Clydesdale a barium enema, put him in two-inch stilettos and a leather hat and instructed him to dance without emptying his bowels all over the floor. It’s almost like you were right there in the front row!

More sphincter-clenching hotness: