The beautiful Kim Cloutier in Cosmo UK. (G Celeb)

If “Twilight’s” Kristen Stewart being replaced by… Jackie Chan? It’s the best thing that could happen to that franchise. (Celeb Jihad)

Whitney Houston’s doing great. You can tell by how sweaty she is. (Celeb Slam)

Beyonce and Jay-Z have already trademarked their baby daughter Blue Ivy’s name. Wow. (Celebitchy)

LeAnn Rimes’ head looks like it was kept in a vice overnight. Seriously, she looks like one of those Utapau natives in Star Wars Episode III. (Evil Beet)

If you’re feeling blasphemous today, ten seriously funny Jesus pictures. (Caveman Circus)

That’s why you wanna steer clear of Pepper Roy. He steals shit. (The Dirty)

Remember Yesica Toscanini in the 2007 Sports Illustrated issue? Allow me to jog your memory and your dominant hand. (Moe Jackson)

Snooki and JWoww claim that The Situation is actually gay. It makes sense if you stop and think about it. (popbytes)

Hilary Duff’s rack is three times it’s regular size. Hooray for pregnancy hormones!(Popoholic)

Amanda Tapping’s name rhymes with “fapping.” I don’t think that’s just a coincidence. (UseMyComptuer)

Aw, it’s the first nipslip of New York Fashion Week! That means six more weeks of winter! (Holy Moly!)

Madonna calls M.I.A.’s middle finger “negative and out of place.” Said the lady who once masturbated with a crucifix live on stage. (Bitten & Bound)

Amy Adams’ baby is adorable. (INF Daily)

Listen to this before it gets taken down: Howard Stern’s fascinating interview with David Choe. (Caveman Circus)

I have not been feeling any of Heidi Klum’s outfits lately, and her amFAR ensemble doesn’t impress me, either. (Moe Jackson)

Lindsay Lohan’s other “friend” photographer Tyler Shields posts a bunch of artsy pics of her cleavage. You can tell that they’re artsy because they’re black and white. Fancy. (Hollywood Rag)

Sofia Vergara is creating her own lingerie line. And hopefully, she’ll be the brand spokesmodel. (Celebs)

Angelina Jolie has been confirmed as a presenter at this year’s Academy Awards. Fortunately, “Bounty Hunter” wasn’t nominated for an Oscar, so there shouldn’t be any Aniston awkwardness. (Celebitchy)

Oprah’s magazine isn’t selling so hot. (Bricks & Stones)

Zac Efron and Lily Collins are “dating.” Wink, wink. Which means he comes over every Thursday with a season of Sex and the City on DVD and they take turns braiding each other’s hair. (Allie is Wired)

Macauly Culkin either has AIDS or a severe drug problem, because he’s absolutely wasted away. (Evil Beet)

More pics of the ladies in their fancy dresses on the red carpet at the amFAR gala in New York last night. (INF Daily)

Michael Phelps and his sick body promote Head & Shoulders shampoo… in the shower, in a Speedo. (Socialite Life)

I can deal with Sarah Jessica Parker’s motorcycle jacket with the pink pleated satin skirt, but one thing I cannot abide is those gloves. I wanna pull one of them right off her hand and slap her across the face with it. (Bitten & Bound)

Reese Witherspoon shows of her girls in a tight, low-cut dress. (The Blemish)

Lauren Budd’s lingerie photos will make your hump day a little more hump-tastic. (G Celeb)

Is ESPN’s Erin Andrews drunk?! (COED Magazine)

An exclusive look inside Demi Moore’s rehab life. I’m personally more interested in what’s going on with those jowls there. Ugh. (Evil Beet)

Tom Cruise’s adopted son Connor issues an apology for his homophobic Twitter rant after the Patriots lost the Super Bowl. (Celebitchy)

Olivia Munn isn’t a sexy geek anymore. Good thing I still am. Call me, boys! (Hollywood Rag)

Jennifer Garner’s daughter Violet in a little pair of violet glasses. It’s so cute it almost hurts. (INF Daily)

And speaking of so cute it hurts, hamster glamour shots! (City Rag)

Red-headed Emma Stone shows off a big handful of sideboob. (Celeb Jihad)

Abby Clancey looks like she was manufactured in a Playboy assembly plant. (Moe Jackson)

17 awesome pieces of life advice courtesy Bro Tips. Gotta get your bro on. (Caveman Circus)

When the guidance counselor tells you “it’s okay to be different,” there’s a chance she could actually mean it. Proof in point. (Ned Hardy)

Bikini model Maryeve Dufault is ARCA’s older version of Danica Patrick, if you’re more into vintage puss. (Busted Coverage)

Michelle Williams continues dressing like a four-year-old on her way to church at the premiere of her new film. (Bitten & Bound)

Elsa Hosk looking super-hot in Ocean Drive magazine, even though her last name sound like that involuntary noise you make when something hits the back of your throat. (G Celeb)

Lana del Rey’s tour has been postponed indefinitely after her disastrous SNL performance. (Evil Beet)

Bar Refeali looks like Malibu Barbie come magically to life. (Moe Jackson)

Kirsten Dunst looking very Kirsten Dunst-y in Wonderland magazine. (Hollywood Rag)

When nostalgia gets the better of you, in all-your-favorite-cartoons form. (Caveman Circus)

Karl Lagerfeld says Adele is too fat. Because spitting in her hair just wasn’t insulting enough. (Celebitchy)

“Someone” honked Kate Beckinsale’s boobs at a concert. Wink, wink. (The Blemish)

Amanda Seyfried says she is NOT a slut, but sometimes sluts say that as a cover. I’m undecided. (Celeb Slam)

Is this really Taylor Swift’s bare ass? Because if it is, it’s magnificent. (Celeb Jihad)

Victoria Beckham and her new baby daughter wearing coordinating plaid outfits. Awww. (INF Daily)

Nick Carter was a no-show at his own sister’s funeral. (Pop Crunch)

Miranda Kerr still looks as awesome as she ever did in her tiny string bikini. You’d never know she’d ever given birth. I hate her. (The Grumpiest)

Jessica Burciaga’s kinda of sexy is nigh on unstoppable. (COED Magazine)

The MTV babes of yore — Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra cougar up on the red carpet. (G Celeb)

Irina Shayk and Jessica White are totally the naughtiest of all the Sports Illustrated models. You can just tell. (Moe Jackson)

Gisele Bundchen defends husband Tom Brady by declaring he can’t “throw the fucking ball and catch the ball at the same time,” effectively blaming the Patriots receivers, which of course sat really well with the fans. (Celeb Slam)

Tila Tequila in a bikini, because it’s the only time she’s passably tolerable. (Hollywood Rag)

The Top Five Super Bowl commercials from last night, if you were too drunk to remember any them today. (Bitten & Bound)

America in pictures, beginning with a 230 lb. five-year-old. U-S-A! U-S-A! (Caveman Circus)

Ludacris got crizzunk at the Maxim Super Bowl party. And my black friend Tyrone said I wouldn’t be able to use “crizzunk” in everyday conversation without getting punched in the face. (Busted Coverage)

Katy Perry wants to park her chocha directly on Tim Tebow’s, um… pee-bow. I’m sorry, I drank a lot last night. (popbytes)

Pick-a-dick? Where do I sign up? (Seriously? OMG)

Brad Pitt reveals that Angelina Jolie is still “every bit a bad girl at heart,” prompting a chorus of belligerent, “Fuck you, Brad Pitts!” from everybody else. (Celebitchy)

Troian Bellisario and Patrick J. Adams are dating! Yeah… no idea. I’m pretty sure that first one is a girl. (Right Celebrity)

Meet the Romanian porn model with an “all-natural” 20-inch waist. And by “all-natural” I mean “she naturally had three ribs removed and strapped herself into a corset 18 hours a day for the last twenty years.” (Jezebel)

It’s Miss COED January… and Miss COED February, and they both brought their bikinis! What a fortuitous turn of events! (COED Magazine)

Twenty of Jennifer Lopez’ sexiest pictures, all coincidentally before she had kids. (COED Magazine)

The classic supermarket episode of “Married with Children.” (Caveman Circus)

Rosie Jones and her perfect 100% natural boobies in the unfortunately-monikered Nuts magazine. (G Celeb)

Kelly Brook in a bikini… sans the photoshop. (The Grumpiest)

Joan Rivers smoking pot: the video! (Hollywood Rag)

Finally, someone at Madrid Fashion Week caters to those of us who want more beavers front and center at the Oscars. (Moe Jackson)

Blake Lively’s sex card only has four holes, which sound a lot dirtier than it actually is. (Allie is Wired)

If you’ve never seen photos of Catrinel Menghia, you haven’t lived, my friend. (Use My Computer)

Minka Kelly shows off her sexy everything. (Popoholic)

Ellen DeGeneres and Michelle Obama in a push-up contest: the video. (Bitten & Bound)

Now we have a whole new kind of dirty bomb to worry about. (Jezebel)

Taylor Swift attempts beat-boxing with LL Cool J. SPOILER ALERT: She sucks. (Evil Beet)

Kate Upton for Carl, Jr.’s totally beats the hell out of Kim Kardashian for Carl, Jrs. See for yourself! (Celeb Slam)

The rise and fall of Megaupload. (COED Magazine)

Meet the chick banned from Iran for her naked pics. And then look at her naked pics. God bless America! (G Celeb)

Inez Sainz is the Super Bowl’s Media Day darling. She’s also gonna be my valentine, but she doesn’t know it yet! (Busted Coverage)

The Twelve Types of Facebookers explained in chart form. (Caveman Circus)

Katherine Heigl needs to bitch-slap her colorist with his own glove. That’s the single most unflattering shade of blonde known to man. (Moe Jackson)

Britney Spears went bowling in a mock turtleneck. There are just so many things wrong with that sentence, I don’t even know where to begin. (Hollywood Rag)

Jennifer Nicole Lee’s body is always on full display and dripping wet. Always. (The Grumpiest)

Kristen Stewart’s Mario Testino Vanity Fair shoot is as sullen and boring as you’d expect. (INF Daily)

And speaking of Vanity Fair, their annual Young Hollywood issue is here! (Evil Beet)

Darwinism fails — Snooki might be pregnant. I was hoping VD had rendered her sterile. (Celebitchy)

Soul Train host Don Cornelius dies from a self-inflicted gun shot wound to the head in an apparent suicide. (Socialite Life)

Kim Kardashian takes a picture of herself in the new Kardashian Kollection bra and posts it on Twitter. Because there aren’t enough pictures of her with her tits out on the internet. (Celeb Slam)

Reese Witherspoon totally burns Justin Bieber. Just one more reason to like her. (The Blemish)

Sofia Vergara tops Ask Men’s Most Desirable Women Poll for 2012. (COED Magazine)

Paula Patton’s pants are totally see-through. Ooh, I see London, I see France! Yes, that’s just how mature I am. (G Celeb)

Damn, nature, you are one sexy beast! (Caveman Circus)

Candice Swanepoel continues frolicking in the sand in a tiny bikini for the Victoria’s Secret swimsuit catalog photo shoot. (Hollywood Rag)

Oh, how darling — Jennifer Lopez brought her twenty-something man-puppy with her to New York. I hope he didn’t wee in his carrier. (Moe Jackson)

Daniel Radcliffe thinks shorn lady-parts are disgusting. Um, okay. Way to dispel those pesky gay rumors, dude. (Celebitchy)

Kristen Bell on TV blubbering about a sloth. It’s a slow Tuesday, alright? (Seriously? OMG)

The new horror movie “V/H/S” reportedly makes two people physically ill at the Sundance Film Festival. It sounds to me like the directors planted a couple of people in the audience to “pass out” so they’d have a story the media would pick up, thereby giving the movie a whole lot of free press. (Celebrity Smack)

Katy Perry sets a boobie-trap! It’s the only kind of trap I’m comfortable sticking my face in. (Celeb Jihad)

Super Bowl viewers may not be treated to images of dead fetuses during the game after all. I know you’re disappointed, but maybe we’ll see some dried-up placentas at half-time. (Jezebel)

And speaking of the Super Bowl, David Beckham’s Super Bowl commercial features a lot of washboard abs and absolutely no pants. (Bitten & Bound)

Now you know what Courtney Stodden looks like mounting a giant red pillow. (Evil Beet)

Aubry O’Day’s sad, sad fanny in a thong. I’m embarrassed for her, and she’s the one who posted the pic in the first place. (Drunken Stepfather)

Candice Swanepoel’s butt lotioner is the luckiest woman in the world. (Celeb Slam)

The trashiest Spring Break destinations, because it’s about that time. (COED Magazine)

A whole mess of hot chicks in bikinis at the beach. (G Celeb)

If you’re not a fan of “The Twilight Zone,” this episode will change that. Just watch it and see. (Caveman Circus)

This lingerie football playoff video even includes a de-pantsing! (Busted Coverage)

So it appears that Prince Harry likes to get his geek on. He’s definitely the cokehead of the royal family. (Gawker)

The Ferris Bueller Super Bowl ad everyone’s been waiting for (seriously, hit up Google trends and see for yourself) is finally online. (INF Daily)

Shakira looks all kinds of sultry at the 13th Annual NRJ Music Awards. (Moe Jackson)

Britt Robertson is in a bikini! I don’t know who Britt Robertson is! Yay exclamation points! (The Blemish)

Rooney Mara snatches a role out from underneath Blake Lively. Ooh, catfight! (Celebitchy)

Snoop Dogg calls Kim Kardashian a bitch: the video. I guess it’s his way of apologizing for guest-starring on “Big Time Rush.” (popbytes)

Tila Tequila’s workout routine looks suspiciously like shameless attention-whoring. I guess we’ll never know the truth. (The Grumpiest)

Flava Flav’s daughter arrested for battery. I’ll keep my racist jokes to myself today. God knows how fucking sensitive you are. (Bitten & Bound)

Busy Phillips takes the cake for the SAG Awards’ worst-dressed. And possible worst-named. (Evil Beet)

Oh, how cute — you’re gonna get killed by a fucking train, dumbasses! (Caveman Circus)

You can hate Lana Del Rey for the bad plastic surgery, but not the pretense. Seriously, Bono’s real name is PAUL. Let’s not put on airs here. (Jezebel)

Russell Brand’s already moved on. I’m assuming his agent responded accordingly and notified the CDC. (Celeb Slam)

Does anybody remember Jo Jo? Think “white trash homecoming queen who just gave birth in the stall next to you” and you’ll be able to pick her out of this crowd. Purple satin will do that every time. (Moe Jackson)

Drew Barrymore’s hair is less “ombre” and more “12-inch roots.” Fail. (Hollywood Rag)

Do you like Emma Stone? Do you like “Thirty Rock?” Well, it’s your lucky day, then! (Holy Moly!)

Note to Hilary Duff: horizontal lines and 7 months pregnant don’t mix. Ever. (Popoholic)

Of course Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale are claiming their love is just as strong as it was before all his lies and homosexual experimentation and secret bastard children. Yay! (Amy Grindhouse)

The son of the NYPD Commissioner accused of rape. Awk-ward! (Bitten & Bound)

Mary Louise Parker is replacing Demi Moore in “Lovelace” because one old anemic-looking brunette is as good as another in Hollywood. I doubt anyone will even notice the difference. (Bricks & Stones)

According to Star magazine, Angelina is 98 pounds, headed for rehab, and pregnant. Probably with Elvis’ alien baby. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Gerard Butler on hearing that Brandi Glanville rated him a 11 out of 10 in the sack: “Who’s Brandi Glanville?” Funny, those were my words exactly. (Celebitchy)

The real ten commandments of life — follow these, and you can’t fail. (Ned Hardy)

It’s Knuckle-Tattoo Wheel of Fortune! If you haven’t played, you haven’t lived. (City Rag)

Rihanna shows off her ass in a cute crochet string bikini. (The Grumpiest)

Random Minka Kelly hotness will bring order to your chaotic day. Or something like that. (G Celeb)

Amanda Seyfried as a cracked out porn star in hot pants. Sold! (Moe Jackson)

Adriana Lima is still very, very good at modeling bikinis. You’d never know she’d ever given birth to anything other than my all-consuming jealousy. (Hollywood Rag)

Jodie Marsh’s big fake tits wanted to GTFO and one of them almost exploded, but after seeing her face, you almost can’t blame them. They’re as much a victim here as she is. (The Blemish)

Larry King looks like he should be wrapped in tattered linens with his arms outstretched and groaning “Braaaaaaaaiins!” (Celeb Slam)

If you haven’t seen a magnificent piece of cinema today, allow me to rectify that. (Caveman Circus)

The Sexiest Australian Female Athletes, because anything “down under” sounds dirty. (COED Magazine)

Pat Sajak and Vanna White were drunk on Wheel of Fortune! (Celeb Smack)

Video of Selena Gomez bouncing her bosom up and down, if you live in your grandmother’s “downstairs apartment” and weight over 300 pounds. (Celeb Jihad)

It’s completely obvious that Nick is the gayest Jonas brother. (INF Daily)

Victoria Jackson reveals that people thought she was retarded. I used to get the same thing in school all the time. (Evil Beet)

Mario Lopez is the male attention-whore version of Kim Kardashian… and equally as talented. (omg blog)

Joan Rivers without makeup is ever more terrifying than you imagined. (Bitten & Bound)

Vanessa Hudgens is still in a bikini. Um… woot, woot? (The Grumpiest)

So of course Jim Carrey’s daughter got special treatment on “American Idol” because Jim Carrey is her daddy. (Evil Beet)

The Ten Most Bizarre Deaths in the Porn Industry! And not a one of them choked to death on a wiener. It’s a little disheartening, really. (Pop Crunch)

Kate Moss appears to be wearing my grandmother’s skin like niqab. Another reason to apply that sunscreen, ladies. (INF Daily)

Attention aspiring pickup artists: how to pick up a model on the street — and this time, without chloroform and surgical tubing. (Caveman Circus)

Ooh, look — it’s the Brunette Shauna Sand! I think that means you’re supposed to hold the cross upside down. (The Dirty)

As an antidote to the Brunette Shauna Sand, vigorously apply Penelope Cruz to the genitals as needed and call me in the morning. Or don’t. See if I care. (Use My Computer)

“Haywire’s” Gina Carano kicking ass and taking names in a tiny swimsuit in next month’s GQ. (Celebs)

So before the seizure, Demi Moore was busy rubbing her puss all over some 27-year old guy while her big potato-headed daughter fed her tequila. Sounds exactly like Christmas 1989. (Celebitchy)

Attention: Mel Gibson does NOT approve! (CityRag)

The always beautiful Kate Beckinsale in a form-fitting red dress and mermaid hair. (Moe Jackson)

Kristen Bell still isn’t interesting, not even in Vegas magazine. (G Celeb)

Vanessa Paradis clearly spends her free time skulking about The Shire and rambling on about “My Precious.” (Hollywood Rag)