Is this irony? Snooki tells off New Jersey’s infamous tanning mom. (The Stir)

I love me some Isabel Lucas and Jaime King. Amy Adams I could take or leave. (Moe Jackson)

It’s hot dogs. It’s whores. It’s mobile. It sounds like everything you’d want out of life, except it’s also 45 years old with a high school equivalency. (Hollywood Rag)

Megan Fox shuts down her Entertainment Tonight interview after fielding pregnancy questions. “Show your tits!” a disillusioned audience member is said to have yelled. Okay, so it was me. But for the record, I WAS disillusioned. (Celebitchy)

Now this is how you do Cinco de Mayo — Sofia Vergara and Jessica Alba for twice the Hispanic hotness! (Celeb Slam)

Yes, but how did Britney Spears celebrate Cinco de Mayo? I’m assuming just like me, by making her liver wish it were still a cluster of stem cells. (Evil Beet)

You can tell that “Spring Breakers” is gonna be a terrific movie by the way all the underage girls are in bikinis. “How Green Was My Valley” can suck it. (The Blemish)

Rihanna pulls a Lindsay Lohan at the SNL dress rehearsal! No, she wasn’t busted doing coke and blowing a soundstage guy in Lorne Michael’s dressing room — I meant that she was a no-show. Glad we cleared that up. (INF Daily)

I would totally take a big bite out of that ass. Because it’s actually a tomato. See what I did there? Yay suggestive optical illusions! (COED Magazine)

Kim Kardashian’s big ass gets slapped by a wave, but she doesn’t fall down. Way to drop the ball, Pacific Ocean. (The Grumpiest)

It’s a blonde-off! Emma Stone vs Olivia Wilde. (Popoholic)

Here are some Lego Star Wars pics that could pull the ears off a gundark. May the Fourth be with you! Yes, I’m about three days late, but you can go fuck yourself. (Caveman Circus)

Teen girls just aren’t slutting it up like they used to. (Jezebel)

Robert Downey, Jr. shows off pictures of his new baby boy, Exton(?!)(Celebuzz)

Tanning Mom tells her detractors that they’re just jealous, fat and ugly. Uh huh. (Celebitchy)

Kim Kardashian wants her very own sitcom! I assume this means she’s literally going to sit on someone. (Evil Beet Gossip)

Is Miley Cyrus becoming a dog hoarder like Paris Hilton? (Allie is Wired)

Paris Hilton is like a low-budget Kim Kardashian with her wonky eye and pink fur. (INF Daily)

Polish model Monika Pietrasinska looks an awful lot like Kim K. (Celebslam)

“Candice Swanepoel in a thong bikini” is all you need to know. (Moe Jackson)

For all the gamers out there, this post is for you! (Caveman Circus)

Jennifer Love Hewitt’s quest for a happy ending no longer involves marriage. And that’s not by choice, mind you. (The Superficial)

Rihanna steps out makeup-free, and all I can do is stare at her fivehead. (INF Daily)

Olivia Wilde as a blonde for Revlon just doesn’t do it for me. (Moe Jackson)

LeAnn Rimes is staging all those numerous bikini shots. (Evil Beet Gossip)

The first picture of Amanda Seyfried as Linda Lovelace are decidedly unsexy. (Holy Moly!)

Jenna Fischer sounds off on the ridiculous pressure for new Hollywood moms to be posing in bikinis 6 weeks after giving birth. I think I love her a little bit more. (Celebitchy)

Megan Fox is the new face of Sharper Image, probably because her face is plastic like so many of their products. (Hollywood Rag)

It’s Christina Hendrick’s 37th birthday, and she looks stunning in red. (Cityrag)

Kate Upton has outtakes from that Cat Daddy video, and this time she has bare boobies. (The Blemish)

Victoria Justice is caught playing with Jennifer Lopez’s ass. (Celeb Jihad)

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt buy a $16 million London estate. I think they did it just to remind everyone how much better they are than you. (Bitten & Bound)

Demi Moore ditches “MrsKutcher “Twitter account. (That Gossip Site)

Carrie Underwood’s jeans are ridiculously tight, not that you’d want them any other way. (Hollywood Rag)

Watch out — bears falling out of the sky! See, this is exactly why I don’t carry a honey pot with me anywhere. (COED Magazine)

I WAS this kid in elementary school. Explains so much, doesn’t it? (Caveman Circus)

American’s former hottest soccer player Margo McCauley is now an Axe girl. Way to stick it to the whole “girl power” thing, Margo. (Busted Coverage)

Holly Henderson doesn’t suffer from embarrassing feminine itch. Mostly because she’s totally comfortable pawing at her puss like it was full of stinging nettles and fire ants. (Moe Jackson)

The seven jerks you meet in every gym explained, along with the proper way to avoid them. (CRACKED)

Oh, look — toddler Joey Lawrence on Jay Leno, back when people still though Jay Leno was funny. (Seriously? OMG)

Lifetime figures out how to promote Jennifer Love Hewitt! Namely, strap her in a bandage dress that shows her tits and stick her between two fat chicks. Voila! (The Blemish)

And speaking of Jennifer Love Hewitt, see if you can guess who just got dumped on her ass… again? (Celeb Slam)

Zooey Deschanel is the new dandruff-free scalp for Pantene hair products. (Jezebel)

Scarlett Johansson wants you to know all about the slings and arrows she suffers on account of her good looks and fame. (Evil Beet)

LeAnn Rimes is giving Kim Kardashian a real run for the money in the shameless attention-whoring department. (popoholic)

The winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race looks suspiciously like Christina Aguilera, minus forty pounds and with only half as much makeup. (popbytes)

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s marriage vows apparently expire after 4 years, so they got them renewed in Austria. (INF Daily)

Kanye West goes on a date with Kim Kardashian with his pants down. That’s okay, I don’t think Kim’s the cuddling type. (Holy Moly!)

Chris Brown has a dramatic weight loss, apparently still pining away for Rihanna. I bet his fist really misses her face. (Allie is Wired)

Taylor Swift and Shania Twain shoot the homeless. (Celeb Jihad)

Mariah Carey reportedly losing 70 pounds requires her to wear pants 2 sizes too small. That’s got to be the biggest and most horrifying camel toe I’ve ever seen. (Evil Beet)

So, Lindsay Lohan made it in time to go to the White House Correspondents’s party…in a dress that’s awfully reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe. Um, are you trying to make a point here? (Celebitchy)

Sara Jean Underwood dons bikinis and purple Chewbacca boots for J Valentine. (COED Magazine)

Kristen Stewart does a photoshoot with someone who is not Robert Pattinson. She’s all burnt out on the sparkly-glowy, maybe. (G Celeb)

A ripped Mark Wahlberg in only an apron and combat boots. I approve of this post. (Celebuzz!)

Sandra Bullock goes shopping with a mystery man, acts all clandestine. (Lainey Gossip)

Mel Gibson addressed his latest rant on ‘The Tonight Show’. Hey, it’s all fun and games until someone gets anally knifed to death, right? (The Superficial)

Octomom got all the graffiti in her home removed for free, thinks she’s a supermom. (Celebitchy)

Oh hey, while we’re on the subject of freaks of nature, Octomom is about to be upstaged by a Mexican woman about to give birth to NINE BABIES. (The Blemish)

Kim Kardashian had a “nude” “leak”. Read: Beyonce’s on the warpath. (Evil Beet)

Jennifer Aniston “doesn’t care” about Brad and Angelina’s upcoming nuptials. (Allie is Wired)

Russian model Natalia Vodianova talks about fat kids. (Holy Moly!)

A complete guide to hipster racism. (Jezebel)

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon kiss for the cameras, renew vows in Paris. P.S. Nick Cannon looks like an idiot in those shoes. (INF Daily)

‘Bernie’, the new movie with Jack Black and Shirley MacLaine, is a certified blue-ribbon winner! (Moe Jackson)

Taylor Swift got a boob job or a Victoria’s Secret bra. You decide. (The Blemish)

Michelle Hunziker has a serious bikini wedgie. (The Grumpiest)

Scarlett Johansson’s “Avengers’” costume left her with a skin condition. How sexy is that? Rowr! (The Blemish)

Did Mischa Barton get breast implants? And a makeup cannon? (popoholic)

It’s been seven years since Fiona Apple put out any new songs, but that dry spell is over with “Every Single Night.” (popbytes)

Kendall Jenner looking like 1984 was raped with a pair of scissors. Fashion FAIL. (Moe Jackson)

Countdown to the Jennifer Lopez and 22-year-old boy toy Casper Smart divorce wedding! (Celebitchy)

21 sexy Stacy Keibler pictures, so you can pretend what it’s like to be George Clooney for a day. (City Rag)

Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole can’t step out of a car without spreading her legs. Imagine that. (Hollywood Rag)

Taylor Momsen’s shorts are so short that part of her puss is hanging out of them. (Celeb Jihad)

More hot Stacy Keibler, but this time in Men’s Fitness magazine. It’s a veritable Stacy Keibler smorgasbord today. (Skinny vs Curvy)

For all of us trying to stick to a diet: FOOD PORN! (Caveman Circus)

Six websites where you can still use the old 90′s Konami code. Suh-weet! (COED Magazine)

Fifteen awesome life hacks that will make your existence a hell of a lot easier. Read them, apply them, live by them. (Ned Hardy)

Chloe Cummings definitely lives up to her last name. (G Celeb)

Octomom Nadya Suleman has Child Protective Services called on her again, this time by her own hair dresser. (Celebitchy)

15 pearls of wisdom from Sun Tzu’s “Art of War.” Enlighten yourself. (Caveman Circus)

Mila Kunis in gold hot pants is always a win! (Moe Jackson)

Courtney Stodden likes big balls. And wheels. Of course she does. Because wheels are also round like balls, see? (Hollywood Rag)

The Best of the AFC cheerleader tryouts! Not that there could be a worst. (COED Magazine)

Barack Obama on Jimmy Fallon. No, really — Jimmy Fallon. He’s THAT desperate for votes now. (Bitten & Bound)

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher spend the weekend together, leading everyone to continue speculating that they’re totally doing it. (Evil Beet)

Kelly Cuoco in a bikin in Anguilla, because that’s what famous people do. They put on tiny swimsuits and jet off to exotic islands and lead lives of frivolity and excess. (Celeb Slam)

Natalie Portman’s slutty new look gets a big thumbs-up from me. (Celeb Jihad)

Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker attempt to single-handedly usher the seventies back in, fail. (Seriously? OMG)

The eleven crappiest movies of Robert Downey, Jr.’s career. I think we’d all rather just forget “Heart and Souls” and “Gothika.”(Pajiba)

Justin Bieber is tattooed for Jesus. That may or may not give him a hall pass into heaven despite being gay. (Cityrag)

You gotta love this: Mr. Skin’s Top 10 Naked Babes on Horseback. (Mr. Skin)

Sean Penn’s new movie poster is his harshest critic. (Holy Moly!)

It’s true love free publicity for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West as they attend the opening of Scott Disick’s restaurant  together. (Anything Hollywood)

Sinead O’Connor’s tour is cancelled because she’s effed up in the head and knows it. (Evil Beet)

Simon van Kempen didn’t pass out at when his wife Alex McCord gave birth-no, he orgasmed. Yeah, that’s gonna be a favorite family story. (The Blemish)

Alice Eve channeled Marilyn Monroe at the premiere of ‘The Raven’. (Moe Jackson)

Sara Jean Underwood gets a lesbian motorboat. There’s all sorts of win in that sentence. (Hollywood Tuna)

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher spent the weekend together, are probably dating. (Celebitchy)

Gerard Butler is all grins as he leaves a nightclub. It’s totally possible he had sex with multiple ladies, probably in gross, unclean locations. (INF Daily)

Barbra Streisand turns 70 today, and has one hell of a plastic surgeon! (omg blog)

Minka Kelly looks like somebody’s damn mom in those tapered ankle-length jeans and white sneakers. Dear God WHY. (Moe Jackson)

The Seven Defining Characteristic of an Alpha Male, not a single one of which is “emitting powerful musky odor.” Explain that one to me. (Caveman Circus)

Justin Bieber’s swagger coach probably taught him that. (Hollywood Rag)

How to photobomb girl-on-girl pics, because there’s an art to it. (COED Magazine)

Miley Cyrus’ new movie “LOL” will not be promoted, in case the words “LOL” and “Miley Cyrus” didn’t tip you off that it was going to be a complete piece of shit. (The Blemish)

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively bought a $2 million dollar home together, which they will in turn sell for half that when liquidating assets in the divorce settlement. (Celeb Slam)

Jennifer Love Hewitt shows her tits… sort of. (Celeb Jihad)

And speaking of boobs, John Legend signs SI model Christine Teigen’s rack in Esquire. (G Celeb)

Unnecessary humping and gratuitous boobs aside, HBO’s “Game of Thrones” is apparently a pretty decent show. (Jezebel)

Guiliana Rancic reveals she has a baby on the way via surrogate on “The Today Show.” (Bitten & Bound)

Hilary Duff does a lot of weird shit with her baby, but rest assured, that weird shit certainly doesn’t include any tricep extensions or time on the treadmill. (Evil Beet)

Lana del Rey’s new video for “Carmen” is out. I would never publicly admit it, but I secretly like a couple of her songs. I know. I hate myself for it, too. (popbytes)

Charles Barkley relaxes his Confederate Flag hatred for an Auburn lass. Because nothing makes you relax your principles like boobs. (Busted Coverage)

Pamela Anderson forgets her pants – twice – in Berlin. (Celebitchy)

Nicki Minaj looks like Princess Lollipop from the Candyland board game. You know, if Princess Lollipop was a tacky whore. (Hollywood Rag)

Charlize Theron and Alexander Skarsgard are “casually dating”. Which of course means, they’re “casually fucking each other”. Call it as it is, people. (The Blemish)

A Japanese man travels everywhere on all fours. Why? Because he’s Japanese and everyone knows they do weird shit. (INF Daily)

Irina Shayk at “The Perfect Bra” book launch party. Woot woot! This is the most excited I’ve been about books in a long time. (Moe Jackson)

Additional sneak peaks from the upcoming movie “Prometheus” with Michael Fassbender! (Celebs.com)

Steve-O dumped Elisabetta Canalis. No, really. (Evil Beet)

Jennifer Love Hewitt tweets a picture of herself before and after getting shot in the face with a makeup gun. (Bitten and Bound)

Penn Badgley does his best Wolverine impersonation, and it’s not very good. (Seriously? OMG!)

James Franco whines about making loads of cash doing movies he didn’t like. (The Superficial)

Madonna shares 15-year-old daughter Lourdes’ clothes. Isn’t that the cutest most pathetic? (Celebslam)

Natalie Portman and Johnny Depp accidentally give the sign for “tampon” in Paul McCartney’s tender new music video. (Allie is Wired)

Larion Zoe and her blindfolded boobies take a shower: the fascinating story. (G Celeb)

Finish out the day with a bevy of sports hilarity. To quote Homer Simpson, “‘Football in the Groin’ has a football in the groin!” (Caveman Circus)

Scarlett Johnasson in one of the ugliest dresses I’ve ever seen at the London premiere of “The Avengers.” It hurts my soul to look at it. (Moe Jackson)

Demi Lovato wears her new weight well. Some guys like hips and thighs. (Hollywood Rag)

Lindsay Lohan isn’t a million dollars in debt — she’s actually closer to three million dollars in debt. (Celebitchy)

Why we need to keep talking about the white girls on “Girls” racial discrimination blah blah women of color blah blah Treyvon Martin blah. (Jezebel)

I have never seen Jennifer Nicole Lee in anything other than a bikini. Today is no different. (The Grumpiest)

20-pounds-lighter Anne Hathaway with a lesbian haircut ought to cure and uncomfortable midday erections you might have. (Seriously? OMG)

Jason Segel can’t keep his tongue out of Michelle Williams’ throat. (Evil Beet)

Camila Belle is like a modern day Scarlett O’Hara. I think I’m in love! (The Blemish)

Kelly Brook has a Tumblr page, and it is all kinds of fantastic. (Celeb Slam)