Hope you’ve had your fill of second-rate shitty romantic comedies, because Jennifer Aniston is taking a year off from acting! Us Magazine says:

Jennifer Aniston is turning love into a full-time job!

“Jen’s taking a year off from work to enjoy herself,” an Aniston insider [reveals].

Indeed, a second source familiar with her schedule confirms that after Horrible Bosses and the October release of Wanderlust, the only thing on her plate is… [spending time with] new beau Justin Theroux.

There’s nothing men find sexier than you up and quitting your job after a month of dating so that you can focus on your new relationship together. Trust me, they don’t find that creepy or smothering or desperate at all. Just remember, restraining orders are just his way of reaching out to you. Men sometimes have a hard time communicating.

Arriving at The Daily Show last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

John Mayer announced he is officially through with microblogging as of Monday of this week. Just give me a mintue to stare soulfully out the window and ponder whether a life without John Mayer’s tweets is a life I want to live. Star Magazine says:

A spokeswoman for the 32-year-old pop singer says he has discontinued his Twitter account because his Battle Studies Tour is “now at a close.”

The songwriter said goodbye to his followers on Monday, leaving them with a cryptic, yet clever message: “What does this button do?”

The “Your Body Is a Wonderland” hit maker had amassed more than 3.7 million followers – making him the 11th largest Twitter profile overall, according to TwitterCounter – when he pulled the plug.

For the life of me, I do not understand the mass appeal of Twitter. It’s not just a generational thing, either. It’s just that I don’t give a fuck what you ate for breakfast. I also don’t give a fuck about your fantasy football picks, your commentary on last night’s Gossip Girl, or the pictures of your cat sleeping while you look on adoringly. It’s called shame, people. Some of you might want to start looking into it.

Hey, instead of looking at screen grabs of John Mayer’s old tweets, I thought you might want to look at Diora Baird in various states of undress. Just call it a hunch! (thumbs 1 and 3 NSFW):

Her stellar record with hired help keeps coming back to bite her in the ass — Lindsay Lohan’s personal assistant quit yesterday after less than ninety days on the job. The Daily Mail says:

Celebrity spotters had an unusual sight today – Lindsay Lohan running around, doing her own errands.

The actress was waiting for her car to be valeted after her assistant quit. [The assistant] allegedly handed in her notice after just a few months because she was ‘exhausted’ after being constantly on call.

She ‘had enough of Lindsay’s demands… Lindsay would often force her to stay with her for days on end and then blame her when things went wrong,’ TMZ reported.

In other news, just two weeks off the sauce and the coke and Lindsay Lohan’s gained a good ten pounds. I’m pretty sure only Mujahideen backpacks blow up that fast.

Running her own errands in L.A. yesterday:

News broke late yesterday afternoon that Megan Fox had been fired from the third installation of the Transformers movie. This coming from somebody who hasn’t seen a single one of the Transformers movies and won’t ever see a single one of the Transformer movies, unless Russian spies tie me to a chair and hook a car battery up to my nipples and forcibly pry my eyelids open to make me watch it in their misguided attempts to make me turn on my own country. Then I’d be willing to take one for the team in the name of national security. Some might even call me a hero. Yahoo News says:

A source at Paramount told Access Hollywood that Megan, who played star Shia LaBeouf’s love interest in the franchise, would not return for the third movie, [saying] that in order to take Shia’s character in a new direction, it was better if Sam wasn’t tied down to a love interest.

Perhaps instead of calling Michael Bay Hitler and publicly bashing the movie, she should have shown a little gratitude for being given the opportunity to bend over and look pretty in his piece of shit movie. But I guess none of that really matters, because it was Megan Fox who quit that bitch anyway, not the other way around.

Reps for the actress [claimed] that it was Megan’s decision to leave the movie.

“Megan Fox will not be starring in ‘Transformers 3,’” the reps told People magazine. “It was her decision not to return. She wishes the franchise the best.”

Except maybe not:

Nikki Finke, who first reported the news for Deadline that Megan was out, claimed that decision was “ultimately” director Michael Bay’s.

Sorry, but you can’t get fired if you quit first. Those are the rules. That’s what those little asterisks next to the employment history section of my résumé very clearly state.

Filming “Passion Play” with Mickey Rourke earlier this month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett of Playboy’s “Girls Next Door” fame has announced that she is retiring from the illustrious world of soft-core porn. But don’t be too sad, boys — I’m sure some other wigger with implants and a high school equivalency will come along soon to fill that void in your pants heart. Kendra told Radar Online

“No, I think my Playboy days are done. I’m a mother now. Of course I’m not going to quit my whole life but my Playboy days are done. Time to move on and be a mom, that’s my focus!”

Well, this may surprise you, but it seems that a girl who made a career out of getting naked for money may not have had the most emotionally stable childhood. Just sit down and take deep breaths if you’re feeling light-headed from the shock of this stunning revelation. Us Magazine says

In her new E! True Hollywood Story, [Kendra], now, 24, says that she was “about 13″ when she had her first experience with cocaine.

By the time Kendra was 15, she was abusing drugs and cutting [herself]. After [a failed suicide attempt], her mother decided to check her in for two weeks at a secured psychiatric facility.

By her sophomore year of high school, she was a runaway. “I was still on drugs,” she says. “I met a guy and I ended up running away with him. All throughout sophomore year I lived with this guy and I did drugs for that long. Every day, every minute.”

Kendra’s shocking True Hollywood Story premieres on E! Wednesday at 10 p.m. EST.

Wow. I’m still kinda reeling here. It’s almost like… like I don’t know what’s real anymore. One thing’s for sure, though — I’m going to have to huff a lot more VCR head cleaner for any of this to start making sense. The Jim Beam just isn’t doing the trick this morning.

Kendra at the premiere of “The Bounty Hunter” last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News