PHOTO CREDIT: Nine MSN

When I was nine, I dressed up as a fairy princess for Halloween. Miley Cyrus’ little sister Noah is apparently going with “coccinellid cocksucker” and “child prostitute with progeria” for her All Hallow’s Eve festivities. Perhaps Billy Ray will be taking her trick-or-treating at a local penitentiary or a hostel for registered sex offenders. There’s only so many good “back of an unmarked van’s” to hit up in any given neighborhood on Halloween, you know!

Now with even more kiddie-porn flava after the jump!

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Demi Moore has deemed gossip blogger Perez Hilton a “pedophile” after he put up pictures of her 15-year-old daughter Tallulah in a pair of short shorts and a titty-bearing top on his Twitter. Nine MSN says

Demi has labelled Perez a “pedophile” after he pointed out how skanky the clothes made Tallulah look.

“Anyone who advertises follows or supports Perez supports violating child pornography laws!” a furious Demi Tweeted after seeing the links. “Let me ask all of you, what is it called when someone is telling people to look and focus on a child’s ‘boobs & [ass]‘ while providing photos?”

Perez of course responded exactly like you’d expect an overweight insecure homosexual with something to prove to, Tweeting back,

“Expect another letter from my attorney, kitten. Xoxo. P.S. Bring it on, [bitch]! And thanks for drawing MORE attention to your daughter’s behavior and your parenting skills (or lack thereof). U r real smart! … I would not let my 15 year old daughter dress like that under ANY context. You are delusional and slightly senile!”

You know, Demi does raise a valid question — what do you call someone who makes a career out of putting up inappropriate pictures of underage celebrities (see here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here)? I need to know so I can update my business cards. I’m a professional now!

Pedophile pictures in question (courtesy Starz Life):

A downtown Manhattan Calvin Klein billboard ad depicting a three-on-one group sex scene has family values groups up in arms. Fox News says

The blue-jeans giant has unveiled a jumbo ad that shows two young men and a young woman entwined in a semi-nude threesome, as another man undresses.

Randy Sharp of the American Family Association [said], “I find this kind of ad repulsive, I find it disgusting, I find it inappropriate for a public venue.”

Wendy Wright, president of Concerned Women for America, said, “This is graphic and intended to shock any sensibility — even in New York.”

Frankly, I don’t know what offends me more more — the depiction of a semi-nude threesome, or the man wearing the cuffed denim shorts. Both are pretty repulsive if you ask me.

And speaking of semi-nude, here are some pics of Olivia Wilde in next month’s Maxim:

If there’s any way to make a 42-year old woman with a history of depression and a floundering career feel relevant again, it’s taking pictures of her in latex thigh-highs next to a man pulling down his underpants. That’s how mom always explained her wedding photos to me, anyway. Ooh, that reminds me, it’s about time for me to start cutting again. And this Jack and Coke isn’t going to just drink itself, you know!

Brook Shields in the Australian Kurv magazine: