On last night’s CMT Music Awards (yeah, never heard of it either), country singer Taylor Swift and rapper T-Pain opened the show with a pre-taped video for “Thug Story,” which of course is a play on Taylor’s smash hit “Love Story.” Swift identifies herself as “T-Swizzle” in the video and raps “You can find me making cookies at night/You out clubbing? I just made caramel delights.” And therein lies the rub, people — when you combine “country” with “rap,” all you get is “crap.” Much like how combining “acid jazz” with the ancient form of Vietnamese stage opera “hát chèo” results in the unfortunate phonetic amalgamation “Ass Hat.” Some things just weren’t meant to be.
Natalie Portman doing it right on SNL a few years back:
It looks like we won’t be rid of K-Fed anytime soon, people. He’s like the turd that won’t flush away. He’s going to be rapping about his personal problems with fellow bowlmate, Britney Spears, in a new rap album. Digital Spy reports,
The 31-year-old, who split from Spears in 2006, is currently collaborating with hip-hop group Bones Thugs-N-Harmony on a follow-up to his debut LP Playing With Fire.
Speaking to HipHopDx, group member Krayzie Bone said: “People gon’ say I’m crazy, man but to my surprise the stuff that he let me hear, it was pretty decent…like really deep.
“He was talking about his life. He was actually telling his side of the story [of the split] in a more mature, adult kind of way, opposed to just being on the record saying ‘F**k Britney.’”
The rapper added: “He told me that he didn’t get a chance to really put out the music he wanted to [with his first album], and he made mistakes in putting out the music that he did - you know, by putting out the club stuff.”
Playing With Fire, released in 2006, was widely panned by critics, entering the US chart at number 151.
Whew, it sure is a relief that “PopoZao” wasn’t his idea. I’ve found that watching the video acts as a natural laxative. Haven’t had your morning dump? “PopoZao” is here to help!
Joaquin Phoenix gave another stunning rap performance in the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami last night, and by “stunning” I mean “Joaquin was forcibly dragged away by security guards after charging a heckler in the audience.” You know — stunning! According to the Daily Mail
The Walk the Line actor [jumped] off stage to confront an audience member during a short performance [in Miami Wednesday] night. Security guards dragged him back on stage and escorted him away after he came face-to-face with a male in the crowd who was heckling him.
It was not immediately clear whether the two men exchanged any blows.
I sure as hell hope nobody paid to see that performance, because you could hang around the alley behind my apartment for free and get an equally palatable performance from the schizophrenic hobo that lives behind the dumpster. Instead of rapping, he’ll probably just flail his arms like a windmill and try to urinate on you, but I figure getting pissed on by a crazy vagrant is just as good as seeing Joaquin perform live when you really stop and think about it.
Says one source who recently worked with Phoenix: “He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it.’”
With this supposed career reboot he is evidently trying to both lampoon pompous actors and punk the media that covers them. “It’s an art project for him,” says a source. “He’s going full out. He probably has told his reps that he’s quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control.”
Yep, when I think “Joaquin Phoenix,” the first word that comes to mind is definitely “control.” No, wait… make that “cornhole.” My mistake.
