This will come as no surprise to you, but no one bothered to watch Jessica Simpson’s new show “The Price of Beauty.” Us Magazine says

Monday’s premiere attracted just 1 million viewers. Around 487,000 people tuned in for the encore later in the night.

The show got beat by a rerun of NCIS, a TruTV series called Operation Repo and History Channel’s Pawn Stars.

Even former American Idol Fantasia Barrino had a stronger debut for her VH1 reality show, Fantasia For Real (her show premiere nabbed 2.3 million viewers.)

You might have thought no one would outperform sister Ashlee in the failure department, but you can never underestimate the elder Simpson. If crashing and burning were an Olympic event, she’d be China. Because she’s gigantic and nobody likes her, you see. And also because she smells like fried pork.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Mariah Carey was on Oprah this past Monday promoting her new album E=MC2, and naturally, nobody cared. The pregnant man, Jenny McCarthy and even Jamie Lee Curtis shows all boasted higher ratings than Mimi’s Big O appearance. And then, strike two: Tuesday night’s Mariah-themed episode of “American Idol” was the lowest-rated Tuesday airing of Idol in a month.

What does this all mean, you ask?

It means that there is such a thing as “media saturation.” It means that someone at Island Records might want to rethink the target demographic. It means that taking a peek inside someone’s 3,000 square foot panty drawer isn’t as goddamn fascinating as some people might think. Now, if it were a closet full of medieval weaponry or a laser tag arena, we might actually be getting somewhere. See, unlike Mariah Carey, I have my finger firmly on the pulse of the nation. When I’m not using it to give her the bird or dial 900 numbers, of course. Word on the street is I’m too cool for school.

Mariah lipsynching on Idol after the jump

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