First Paris Hilton had a sex tape, and then Kim Kardashian had a sex tape. And then Paris released a crappy album, and now Kim Kardashian is gonna release a crappy album. Will overproduced auto-tuned wonders never cease? TMZ says:

Kim Kardashian is recording an album.

Kim’s recently been in the studio with top notch writer/producer/performer The-Dream, whose hits include Rihanna’s “Umbrella” and Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.”

So how’s it gonna sound? One person who’s been inside a recording session tells us, “Kim’s got a really good voice.”

You could tie up a bunch of alley cats in bag and let a couple of two-year olds have at them with air horns and with the right editing and enough vocoders, it could still be a Top Forty hit. The question is why you would want to put a bunch of cats in a bag and let toddlers torture them like that. You’ve got some serious issues, man.

In SoHo filming her stupid new show:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

Kate Gosselin has made it her life’s mission to exploit her litter and wring every last penny out of their little hides. If she can make money off her own kids, then why not the Baby Jesus? Popeater reports,

Kate Gosselin wants to show America that it’s not just her dance skills that are a hidden talent. Now, the famous mom and her eight adorable tots want to release a holiday CD packed full of all her favorite religious classics.

“Kate is pitching a CD of holiday songs sung by herself and all her children,” a record executive tells me. “She sees herself as a modern day Maria from ‘The Sound of Music,’ except this time the family singers won’t be the Von Trap family, they would be the Gosselins.”

“Don’t be fooled,” a friend of Kate’s tells me. “Kate sees herself as a brand. She knows her fifteen minutes are not going to last forever and wants to make the most of it. After all, it’s Kate that’s putting the food on the table for all those children.”

Von Trapp family? I don’t think so. I think she’s a little less Maria and a little more Miss Hannigan from Annie, if you ask me.

In NYC:

Remember Mel Gibson’s 2006 DUI arrest where he went on an anti-Semetic tirade and called one of the arresting officers “sugartits?” No, you don’t, because it never happened. Cue the Dale Gribble “shh-shh-shah!” TMZ says

Mel Gibson’s 2006 DUI is now officially off his record… after Judge Lawrence Mira just signed legal documents in Malibu.

Mel’s lawyer, Blair Berk, requested the motion to dismiss on September 21 after Mel successfully completed the terms of his three-year probation.

Boy, if Lady Justice were a real person, that blindfold would have been yanked down into gag restraint and she’d be in the fetal position still bleeding from the anus. I’ve already lived through my wedding night once, thank you very much. No sense in subjecting the legal system to it, too.