I was going to look for some pictures of somebody hot in a swimsuit, but then I remembered that I hate you. So here’s some pictures of a pregnant Reese Witherspoon in a swimsuit. Happy Easter!
Brace yourself for the most exciting news you’re guaranteed to hear all day: Oscar-winning actress Reese Witherspoon is pregnant! People Magazine says:
After weeks of speculation – whipped up after the actress sported a series of loose, bump-concealing frocks – several Witherspoon pals confirm that yes, the Oscar winner and her husband of almost one year are expecting their first child together.
“Jim and Reese are looking forward to having a bigger family at this point in life,” says the friend. “They can take the time to enjoy the next stage and make sure the transition for all is easy and joyful.”
Reese and Jim’s equally exciting future plans include things like sound financial investing, routine colonoscopies and lots and lots of flossing!
First pics of the emerging baby bump:
I was going to tell you a joke about Reese Witherspoon’s chin, but it was just too long. Ha ha, get it? Too long? Because it was the length of her chin to which I was referring, rather than the duration of the joke itself? It’s a little something called “double entendre,” from the French for “yeah, I know it’s still not funny, asswipe.”
Newly-married Reese Witherspoon was taken to the hospital yesterday after being hit by a car while jogging in Santa Monica. Radar Online says:
Witherspoon, 35, was jogging when she was hit by the car that was going 20 mph, according to the Santa Monica Police Department. She was then taken to a local hospital.
“Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car on Wednesday and sustained minor injuries,” a police spokesperson [said].
Thankfully, Reese seems to be on the mend already and is currently back home and resting.
It’s gotta be hard to keep your chin up after surviving an accident like that. Particularly when your chin constitutes 45% of your entire face. Neck muscles aren’t meant to support that kind of weight.
Reese in next month’s Marie Claire:
A gust of wind lifted Reese Witherspoon’s shirt and revealed what appeared to be a huge belly tattoo as she walked along the beach with her children and new husband over the weekend (slightly better version of it here). According to Google Trends, this is something you all care DEEPLY about. It’s not my fault you don’t have a life. The Daily Mail says:
She’s known as a prim and proper Southern belle, but it seems America’s sweetheart Reese Witherspoon has been hiding a rebellious side.
Reese had a small blue star tattoo on the left side of her pelvis for a number of years and it appears as if the new design is covering up her old inking.
However, she appears reluctant to show off her new etching – which looks to be two birds joined together – and kept her torso largely hidden during the beach getaway.
I thought you had to be Latina to get a belly tattoo. Just like you have to be Mexican to get a portrait of Jesus and black to get an eight-ball. Honestly, there are rules, people. You start getting tattoos all willy-nilly like this and I’ll never be able to racially stereotype with any accuracy again.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
The most insignificant of all the movie award shows aired on MTV last night, complete with its usual fare of predictable hijinx and zany shenanigans. Like Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake grabbing each others’ naughty bits in a bid to prove that their relationship was strictly platonic (LOL!). Or Robert Pattinson mouth-kissing his Twilight co-star Taylor Lautner (OMG)! Or a celebrity mash-up Hangover parody with host Jason Sudeikis (ROTFLMAO)! The only part of the night that was even remotely funny was when Reese Witherspoon burned nekkid-picture-taker Blake Lively. The Daily Mail says:
During her acceptance speech, Reese addressed the industry’s younger actresses. ‘It’s possible to make it in Hollywood without a reality show,’ she said.
And in a surprising direct dig at Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively, she said: ‘And if you take naked pictures of yourself with your cell phone, you hide your face.’
In other less interesting news, the god-awful “Twilight: Eclipse” won Best Movie, Best Male Performance (Robert Pattinson), Best Female Performance (Kristen Stewart), Best Kiss (Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart), and Best Fight Scene (Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard and Xavier Samuel); some chick from the comparably shitty “Kick-Ass” took home Best Breakout Star and Biggest Badass Star; and last, but certainly not least, was Justin Bieber’s “Never Say Never,” which claimed Best Jaw-Dropping Moment. I assume that references the aghast disbelief that inevitably leaves one’s mouth agape when one finds out that “Never Say Never” grossed $73 million domestically and another $25 mil overseas. To put that in perspective, that’s more than the gross national product of Sao Tome and Principe and Somalia combined. Granted, the 7-11 down the street probably grosses more than Sao Tome and Principe and Somalia combined, but it’s really the principle of it all. That principle being, “This generation sucks donkey balls.”
LOTS more pics after the jump:
Brooklyn Decker:
Emma Stone:
Jessica Szohr:
Kristen Stewart:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
They’ve been spied on covert dates before, but Scarlett Johansson officially went public with new boyfriend Sean Penn at her agent’s wedding to Reese Witherspoon this past weekend. Us Magazine says:
Johansson, 26, and Penn, 50, have tried to keep their fledgling romance quiet… but the duo were finally ready to go public on Saturday at Reese Witherspoon’s wedding to Jim Toth.
When the farm-style bash was over, Penn and Johansson stopped by Jimmy’s Bar for a nightcap and late-night grub.
After the table cleared, she sat in Penn’s lap — and they made out in full view for 15 minutes, according to the observer.
Sean Penn seems clinically incapable of experiencing joy or bowel movements, so I can only imagine how awful he is in the sack. He probably makes Scarlett wear a beard and smoke a cigar and yell things like “Imperialist, genocidal, fascist deconstruction of civil liberties!” and “Líder revolucionario!” the whole time they’re doing it.
Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon married boyfriend of one year Jim Toth at her 6-acre ranch in Ojai, California on Saturday. It was the second marriage for Reese, who was wed to actor Ryan Phillipe for seven years before divorcing him in 2007. Us Magazine says:
Wearing a custom-designed Monique Lhuillier gown, the actress, 35, exchanged vows with CAA agent Toth, 40, in front of 120 family members and friends (including Renee Zellweger, and Alyssa Milano, and Tobey Maguire) in the front courtyard of the Ojai house.
Witherspoon’s best friend, Heather Rosenfield, served as matron of honor, and her kids with ex-husband Ryan Phillippe — daughter Ava, 11, and son Deacon, 7 — took part in the ceremony. The Oscar winner’s young nieces served as flower girls.
The “Tennessee Waltz” was the processional music for Toth and the kids, while Witherspoon walked down the aisle to “Here Comes the Bride.”
I actually met Reese Witherspoon right after she did Fear at this bar called Boundry in Nashville, and she was as nice and down-to-earth as she could be. At least until my douchebag boyfriend sauntered up and asked her if being finger-banged by Mark Wahlberg was the highpoint of her career. Then she said, “Yeah, it’s on my fucking resume, asshole” and flipped us the bird before storming off. Then I cried because a famous person gave me the middle finger in public. True story.
Leaving church with Jim earlier this month:
PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures
There wouldn’t be winners if there weren’t losers too, and that’s why we here at Yeeeah! like to highlight the worst dressed at the Oscars. It’s our responsibility to keep the balance of good and bad, dark and light; to sustain the yin-yang balance of fashion, so to speak. We also happen to be bitter harpies and enjoy a good laugh at other people’s expense, too. It’s tough job, but someone’s got to do it.
Without further ado, here’s my picks for worst dressed, plus those unfortunates whose fashion choices weren’t interesting enough to elicit more than a “meh” from me.
When the first thing I think of is “tarred and feathered”, it’s not a good thing. Virginia Madsen:
24-year old (!) Florence Welch of Florence + The Machine models the latest in the 1865 Winter-Spring edition of Pioneer Woman.
Latest to join the rash of Christmas engagements is Reese Witherspoon. She got a diamond, so what? I got a lump of coal, and they’re made of the same stuff. So there! The Daily Mail says,
Reese Witherspoon and Hollywood agent Jim Toth are engaged after almost a year of dating, her spokesperson confirmed today.
The couple quietly began their romance in January shortly after her split from Jake Gyllenhaal and went public with the relationship in March.
‘They are extremely happy,’ a representative for the Oscar-winner told America’s Us Weekly.
Who knows, this marriage may actually stick, since he’s not directly in the movie industry. I can’t say anything mean about her, she’s so darn cute. God, what’s wrong with me?
Blocking the rain and the paps in Brentwood:
Now you too can be a sparklepants! Marks & Spencer (they’re probably gay) are designing a line of panties men’s underwear that are inspired by Sparklepants-in-Chief Robert Pattinson. Says Digital Spy,
The slim-fit garments will be called the R-Pant, reports The Guardian.
The range of low-rise trunks and briefs are meant to be worn with skinny jeans like the kind worn by Pattinson.
The Twilight star will not appear in ad campaigns for the line nor has he endorsed it. However, Pattinson was recently spotted shopping at the retailer’s stores.
The underwear will also sport an absorbent layer in the crotch in case of spontaneous menstruation. Also look for R-Pant With Wings, coming this fall!
With Reese Witherspoon on the set of Like Water for Elephants:
Photo Source: Fame Pictures
According to Star, Reese Witherspoon and Gerard Butler might be having “secret hookups”:
“Reese’s friends are giggling about her secretly meeting up with Gerard. She thinks he’s superhot!” a friend of the actress told Star. “Reese is just having a good time with him. They’ve hung out a few times, mostly at his place in L.A.”
The two showed an interest in each other after producers at New Line Cinema approached them a few months ago to read scripts together for a new movie. “New Line thought Reese and Gerard would make a hot on-screen couple,” said the friend.
“They got very chatty while reading the scripts, and there was noticeable chemistry. After that reading, they started talking and hanging out.”
They most recently met up on Jan. 22 at an after party for the Hope for Haiti Now fund-raiser at L.A.’s Sunset Tower Hotel. But the friend says that Reese, 33, isn’t looking for anything serious with the 40-year-old actor, especially since she still cares for ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal.
“Reese doesn’t want to hurt Jake’s feelings and doesn’t want him to know about her and Gerard. She’s not interested in taking it a step further with Gerard — and that’s how she wants to keep it.”
Keep in mind that this rumour is from Star, so it’s probably somewhere between a bald-faced lie and a blatant fabrication. It’d be pretty funny if it were true, though. I like Reese Witherspoon, but she’s long been rumoured to be a notoriously tight-ass control freak, whereas Gerard Butler is a total whore. But hey, after a breakup, what girl doesn’t want a meaningless fling with a guy who’ll screw her eyeballs right out of her head? Go nuts, Reese. Just make sure he double bags it. I mean, that dude’s been everywhere.
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