After skewering himself in the monologue (video below), David Letterman publicly apologized to both his wife and his staff (video above) for his involvement in a Late Show sex scandal. He said (via Radar Online):

“I’m terribly sorry that I put the staff in that position. Inadvertently, I just wasn’t thinking ahead. And, moreover, the staff here has been wonderfully supportive to me, not just through this furor, but through all the years that we’ve been on television and especially all the years here at CBS, so, again, my thanks to the staff for, once again, putting up with something stupid I’ve gotten myself involved in.

Now the other thing is my wife, Regina. She has been horribly hurt by my behavior, and when something happens like that, if you hurt a person and it’s your responsibility, you try to fix it. And at that point, there’s only two things that can happen: either you’re going to make some progress and get it fixed, or you’re going to fall short and perhaps not get it fixed, so let me tell you folks, I got my work cut out for me.”

That’s nice and all, but I would still like to point out that Letterman has yet to apologize to you and me for constantly subjecting us to the mental image of his soggy sixty-year-old-man balls in action. I know my mind’s eye can’t even begin the healing process without first getting a proper apology.

Opening monologue:

David Letterman announced during the Monday taping of his CBS Late Show that he had married longtime girlfriend and mother of his child, Regina Lasko. Us Weekly says

“On Thursday, at 3 p.m., March 19, 2009, at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko,” Letterman said about 20 minutes into the show, before he read the “Top 10″ list.

Letterman and Lasko — who began dating in 1986 when Lasko worked for him on his show — welcomed Harry in November 2003.

If you’re wondering why it took him 23 years to propose, I’m guessing it’s because it took fifteen just to convince him she wasn’t really a lesbian, and then maybe another seven before he finally gave up looking for her secret ax and blue ox. Congratulations to the happy couple!