Justin Timberlake’s gone puss-swapping — he’s supposedly dumping girlfriend of three years Jessica Biel for singer Rihanna. Star Magazine says

After a hot grinding session at 1Oak’s MTV Video Music Awards bash in NYC, RiRi and JT moved to her hotel room, where they had a steamy, private after party! “Rihanna and Justin have been talking and texting on the phone nonstop since the VMAs,” said a source.

“Then at [the studio where the two are working on Rihanna’s new album], Justin was joking about strippers. He said she needed to entertain him like that. So Rihanna gave him an impromptu lap dance!”

Justin has made it clear he is 100 percent into Rihanna, and she equally feels the magnetic attraction, says a source. “She is a total tease and loves flirting with him. She digs him and wants to date him too!”

Well, as long as he doesn’t bash her face in or bite her, he’s already doing better the last guy. That’s the great thing about battered women. They set the bar so low!

Rihanna in Venice:

Jennifer Aniston’s massive spread in next month’s Elle magazine is accompanied by her infamous self-proclaimed-perennially-lovelorn-poster-child-for-failed-relationships interview, but all that’s about to change. And then inevitably come crashing down around her. Nine MSN says

Jennifer Aniston isn’t wasting any time crying over what might have been — she’s too busy pashing Gerard Butler on the set of her new movie… after the cameras stopped rolling!

A source on the set of The Bounty Hunter has spotted Jen and her co-star stealing kisses and acting “lovey dovey” between takes while shooting a fight scene.

The source also claims the pair have been regularly sneaking off to Jen’s trailer together and trying their hardest to keep the romance under wraps.

I don’t speak Australian, but “pashing” must be down under slang for “staring at him while he sleeps while rubbing her uterus with a Loa Serpent charm and the afterbirth of a formerly pregnant ewe.” It’s a very rich and colorful language.

Bonus pics of her throwing popcorn at her new boyfriend on the set of “The Bounty”:

I already told you about this four months ago, but it’s finally being confirmed — Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are dating. Page Six says

The blond actress was photographed at Friday’s game, cheering on the Bronx Bombers at the new Yankee Stadium.

But the real action came later that night at Mustang Grill on Second Avenue… [when a] bartender at the Southwestern joint “[asked] patrons not to go in the back room around 1 a.m. because A-Rod and Kate Hudson were back there making out.”

One staffer at the restaurant confirmed the two were there celebrating… although she did not witness any lip-lock herself.

The two were [also] spotted over the weekend outside the glamorous 15 Central Park West, where A-Rod rents an apartment.

For the record, making out with a guy in the back of a bar does NOT mean you’re dating him. It just means he picked up the tab. Am I right, ladies?

At the Costume Institute Gala earlier this month:

Kevin Federline isn’t just looking after the kiddies while Britney tours — he’s also working that Federline magic on ol’ Brit-Brit again. According to Star Magazine

The family friend reveals there’s been “some kissing. It started when they agreed that Kevin would take the boys on tour. They’ve shared a lot of flirty moments. The truth is, they’re falling in love again.

Kevin has actually been gushing to his mom that being with Britney now reminds him of when they first fell in love in 2004.

Funny, I was just going to say he reminds me of Britney a few years back, too. But not Britney in 2004. More like Britney about a year ago. I bet you can actually hear the cholesterol accumulating in his arteries over the din of his constant chewing.

Busted leaving Britney’s hotel in New Orleans:

I guess the magic only lasts about four months — former Girl Next Door Holly Madison has split with Mindfreak douchebag Criss Angel. According to E! Online

“She was very much in love with him, and they’re still very close friends,” [says] a source. “It was a conflict of schedules. She felt she couldn’t devote 100 percent of her time in Vegas and his career at the expense of her career and her goals.”

The 29-year-old Madison and 41-year-old Angel had been [living together in Vegas] since December, but the Playboy pinup recently moved back in with family.

Oh, don’t you worry your pretty little heads about that. He’ll find some way to win her back, you’ll see. Maybe a new shade of eyeliner. Deep plum instead of black. And one of those gothic mani-pedis and some new Oscar Blandi texturizing paste and a little more layering around the face. Hell, maybe this time he’ll even invest in one of those “penis” things Holly was always rambling on about. Drastic times call for drastic measures!

Happier times at the “Repo: The Genetic Opera” premiere:

Despite a very public breakup last month, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were spotted sucking face in an L.A. airport yesterday. Female First says

The pair reportedly arrived at the airport together on a private plane and were seen in a series of steamy clinches. A source said: “They were very lovey-dovey. They kissed several times and hugged each other tightly. John gave her a long, lingering kiss.”

It was recently reported Jennifer, 39, was desperate to rekindle her relationship with John, 30. The actress was said to be phoning the ‘Gravity’ singer every day in a bid to show him what he was missing.

Calling every fifteen minutes, tailing him to work, sleeping in the hedges outside his bedroom window with thirty feet of twine and a bottle of chloroform — the “dance of seduction” always pays off in time! Even if some loveless soul with a badge and a gun tries to tell you it’s technically a “violation of your restraining order” and “another thirty days in jail, minimum.” You can keep trying, Los Angeles County Circuit Court, but you just can’t legislate true love!

In honor of Brad and Angie’s W spread, Jen’s W spread from 2002:

It looks like true love has prevailed once again: Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson are back together forever for now. Tommy told Rolling Stone

“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.”

It’s nice to see a celebrity couple doing their part to keep the planet green. Instead of aluminum cans and tires, this couple is recycling their relationship. Creative! I’m sure it’s not just a happy coincidence that having sex with Pam Anderson feels just like slapping your penis against the insides of an old tire. Mother Earth offers inspiration almost anywhere!

Pam keeping it classy at the Montreal Opera this week:

Justin Timberlake has taken the next relationship step in making an honest man woman out of Jessica Biel — he’s asked her to move in with him. According to In Touch Weekly

“Jessica is preparing to live in Justin’s Hollywood Hills home,” [says] an insider. It’s a big deal for Justin, 27, who has never taken this relationship step before, but the insider insists that “they’re definitely headed for marriage. Moving in is just the beginning.”

If you’re wondering the difference between a girlfriend and a wife is, it’s very simple. When she’s your girlfriend, she looks like Jessica Biel above. When she’s your wife, she starts to look like Jessica Biel below. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, boys!

Watching a Marlins game last month:

Sienna Miller broke up with fiancé Rhys Ifans last weekend over her insatiable need for penis his jealousy issues. A source told The Sun:

“Things have been awkward for a while after she caught Rhys going through her text messages for ‘incriminating evidence’. He has been giving her a hard time lately, questioning her commitment to him. She compared him to a spotlight shining in her face all the time. She couldn’t… cope with his jealousy.

He is heartbroken they have split.”

Nothing could be as heartbreaking as that damn hairstyle of his. It’s like Rod Stewart and Quasimodo made a hair baby. Seriously, where do you even get that cut? Other than a bell tower in Notre Dame? I’m guessing you tell your stylist, “Think Jeff Daniels in ‘Dumb and Dumber.’ No, no — more disheveled! Try these pinking shears!” before just using a lighter to burn the ends off yourself.

Sienna as The Baroness on the set of G.I. Joe:

Pull out your push-ups, ladies — George Clooney is single again! People Magazine reports

George Clooney and his girlfriend Sarah Larson have split up after a year of dating. Though there was speculation that Clooney would end his longtime bachelorhood, in March the actor shot down rumors of an engagement.

Well, it’s like they say — “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Especially when there’s a whole dairy farm full of nubile young cows with big fake udders who’ll let you tag team with your best buddy anytime you want. That doesn’t fly in all fifty states, of course, but you’re cool if you stick with Arkansas and West Virginia. That’s why they call those states “The Velvet Underground,” if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.

Check out George’s new fake teeth after the jump

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Kate Hudson has dumped Owen Wilson for seven-times Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong. Kate flew to Lance’s Texas home on Friday for weekend filled with romance and absolutely no suicide watches. The Daily Mail says

“When Kate was with Owen, she got to know Lance really well but they hooked up again recently at a dinner party thrown by a mutual friend and that’s when the romance began. They have both been keeping it very quiet. Kate and Lance have been dating for a couple of weeks. She and Lance are both physical, passionate people – she’s never been happier.”

Well, if you’re going to start dating Lance Armstrong, you need to steer clear of several trigger phrases that are well-known to upset him. I can’t stress this enough. I keep a handy list in my pocket at all times, just in case I come back as a bicycle or a desperate slut in my next life. I present to you

10. The expression “you’re really on the ball today!” Try “you’re exceedingly capable” or “good job” instead.

9. Patrick Ball, legend of Celtic harp and spoken word. Enough said.

8. “The ball’s in your court.” Um, no it’s not, you insensitive jerk.

7. “The ol’ ball and chain.” Is that some kind of “Lance Armstrong on a bicycle” joke? Shame on you, sir. Shame on you.

6. “Ball pythons.” Just trust me on this one.

5. “Ball State University.” The Mid-American Conference upsets most people, actually.

4. “Break your balls.” Oh, aren’t they broken enough for you?

3. “Ballindalloch Castle.” Frankly, it was never the same after the first Marquess of Montrose burned it to the ground.

2. “Ball Park Franks.” They plump when you cook ‘em.

1. “Testing for Erythropoietin Stimulating Agents.” Also the “Union Cycliste Internationale” and the “World Anti-Doping Agency.” Those guys are a bunch of serious hard-ons.

Kate at the “Fool’s Gold” premiere last month with Matthew McConaughey:

Jessica Simpson is handling the news of ex-boyfriend John Mayer’s new relationship with Jennifer Aniston the way most of the dumped do — drinking herself retarded and calling for mom. According to Us Weekly

The 27-year-old singer was so out of it after a four-hour session of drinking at L.A.’s Mexicali Cocina Cantina… that she was reduced to leaving her Range Rover in the parking lot and calling her mom Tina for a ride home (for good measure, [best friend] CaCee Cobb threw up under the table).

She’s on the right track with boozing and everything, but if she really wants to punish him good, the trick is to also fuck a lot of random dudes. Really, the more dudes the better. Two at once, if you can. His best friend. His boss. That guy he plays ball with on the weekends. Then get a registered firearm and threaten to kill yourself after shooting out his front tires at two in the morning. Believe me, if there’s one thing guys like, it’s drama. I’ve been married three times, so I should know.