Hope you’ve had your fill of second-rate shitty romantic comedies, because Jennifer Aniston is taking a year off from acting! Us Magazine says:

Jennifer Aniston is turning love into a full-time job!

“Jen’s taking a year off from work to enjoy herself,” an Aniston insider [reveals].

Indeed, a second source familiar with her schedule confirms that after Horrible Bosses and the October release of Wanderlust, the only thing on her plate is… [spending time with] new beau Justin Theroux.

There’s nothing men find sexier than you up and quitting your job after a month of dating so that you can focus on your new relationship together. Trust me, they don’t find that creepy or smothering or desperate at all. Just remember, restraining orders are just his way of reaching out to you. Men sometimes have a hard time communicating.

Arriving at The Daily Show last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett of Playboy’s “Girls Next Door” fame has announced that she is retiring from the illustrious world of soft-core porn. But don’t be too sad, boys — I’m sure some other wigger with implants and a high school equivalency will come along soon to fill that void in your pants heart. Kendra told Radar Online

“No, I think my Playboy days are done. I’m a mother now. Of course I’m not going to quit my whole life but my Playboy days are done. Time to move on and be a mom, that’s my focus!”

Well, this may surprise you, but it seems that a girl who made a career out of getting naked for money may not have had the most emotionally stable childhood. Just sit down and take deep breaths if you’re feeling light-headed from the shock of this stunning revelation. Us Magazine says

In her new E! True Hollywood Story, [Kendra], now, 24, says that she was “about 13″ when she had her first experience with cocaine.

By the time Kendra was 15, she was abusing drugs and cutting [herself]. After [a failed suicide attempt], her mother decided to check her in for two weeks at a secured psychiatric facility.

By her sophomore year of high school, she was a runaway. “I was still on drugs,” she says. “I met a guy and I ended up running away with him. All throughout sophomore year I lived with this guy and I did drugs for that long. Every day, every minute.”

Kendra’s shocking True Hollywood Story premieres on E! Wednesday at 10 p.m. EST.

Wow. I’m still kinda reeling here. It’s almost like… like I don’t know what’s real anymore. One thing’s for sure, though — I’m going to have to huff a lot more VCR head cleaner for any of this to start making sense. The Jim Beam just isn’t doing the trick this morning.

Kendra at the premiere of “The Bounty Hunter” last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Break out your hankies, boys and girls — Lily Allen is retiring from music. The Sun says

Lily Allen has confirmed she will never make another album.

She wrote [on her new blog]: “Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record. The days of me making money from recording music has been and gone as far as I’m concerned.”

The 24-year-old star is now focusing on her appearance in a London theatre production called Reasons to be Pretty. “The play is about themes close to my heart, about the really damaging cult of beauty among young girls,” [Lily said].

I’m glad young girls will have a strong feminine icon like Lily to look up to so they can finally escape that “damaging cult of beauty.” A belligerent, yo-yo dieting, coke-binging, titty-flashing piss-ass drunk of an icon. Amy Winehouse was probably too busy.

Lily in this month’s GQ, plus some more behind the scene shots of Lily in her underpants — and some NSFW completely topless — after the jump

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