Penis punching bag Pamela Anderson is knocked up with soon-to-be ex-husband Rick Saloman’s baby. TMZ says

The divorce between Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon is back on and Pam is pregnant! Sources [says] she is now moving forward with the divorce even though she’s pregnant with his baby. Salomon… believes she is “acting crazy” because of the pregnancy and hopes she will settle back into the marriage.

No doubt about it — Pam’s got to be pregnant. Just look at that with-child glow! I bet even the Virgin Mary herself didn’t look as radiant when she was carrying the Christ. Of course, the Virgin Mary’s liver probably functioned at more than 30% capacity and she didn’t ingest nearly the volume of semen on a daily basis, so it’s kind of like comparing apples and oranges. Well… more like “apples and one of those shriveled up and puckered old hot dogs that got stuck in the bottom of the rotating grill at the 7-11 back in May and fossilized under the heat lamp because the foreign guy behind the counter was too lazy to clean it up.” I dare you to eat it!

Pam terrorizing the locals on Monday:

Listen up, brides-to-be: a couple of wedding planning tips you won’t find in a Martha Stewart magazine. From the NY Daily News

Welcome to holy matrimony, Pam Anderson-style. The bride wore a white denim miniskirt and the wedding cake was made of cardboard. Wedding planners had to bring in a fake wedding cake because they were given only one-day’s notice. The 40 guests enjoyed pigs in a blanket, macaroni and cheese, and tuna and lobster tacos.

Anderson announced [her and Salomon's] union on her blog: “The Adventures of Scum and Pam Have Begun.”

If you want to class up your nuptials, take a page from Pammy here and have the guests toss condoms at you instead of rice. Serve Pabst Blue Ribbon in a can instead of champagne. Let the wedding party do their keg stands first. Park your Harley under the fishing pier. Bring enough meth for everyone. Make sure your pasties match your crotchless panties. Pull off the bride’s garter with your teeth. And don’t forget about graveside flower arrangements! They make great centerpieces, and they don’t cost you a fucking dime.

P.S. Tuna taco and pigs in a blanket? Jesus. It’s just begging a Michael Scott “That’s what she said.”

More from the wedding of the decade after the jump

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Pamela Anderson’s whirlwind romance with Rick Solomon has finally come to a head, much like a syphilitic boil on a scrotum called love. Us Weekly

After just over a month of dating, Pamela Anderson, 40, and Rick Salomon, 39, have tied the knot. The couple exchanged vows in front of sixty friends and family members in a private villa at the Mirage Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. Anderson wore a white Valentino mini-skirt; Solomon wore a black tux with a black beenie. “It was a beautiful ceremony,” said one guest. The wedding song was No Ordinary Love by Sade.

Their second choice, because “Lick My Love Pump” and “Boobs, Boobs, Boobs” turned out not to be real songs. Thank God for Def Leppard’s “Look What the Cat Dragged In” and the pole, or the reception could have been a total disaster!

More of Pam at the keg-tapping celebration at Hofbrauhaus after the jump

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