To celebrate their first birthday, singer Ricky Martin posted these pictures of his twin sons Matteo and Valentino on the beach on Twitter yesterday. Not to be confused with the pictures of him giving his signature “twins on the beach” reacharound with pina colada mix while cradling a guy’s balls in a brandy snifter full of sand. Unlike the sanctity of his children, those pictures are private.

Pop singer Ricky Martin pulled a Clay Aiken and fathered twin boys via a surrogate last month. His rep told People

“In recent weeks, Ricky Martin became a proud father by the birth of twin sons. The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky’s full-time care. Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children.”

Putting his penis in an actual vagina minutes must have been completely out of the question. I imagine the suggestion was met with a bout of frenzied hand flurrying and an eyes-squinched-shut high-stepping “ew, ew, ew! Gross!” And God knows you can’t get someone pregnant by doing it in the butt. Frankly, it’s the only way I made it through high school without getting knocked up. It’s even better than the rhythm method!