I rarely read GQ because I’m not a man who needs to know whether a silk ascot or kidskin satchel is this season’s must-have accessory, but John Edwards’ kept whore is opening up for the first time about her affair with the would-be president in next month’s issue. Portions of the interview with Rielle Hunter are reprinted below:

Did he call you after the [televised] interview [where he denied paternity of your child]?

Hunter: Yes. And he said, “I’m sorry… It doesn’t mean anything.” And it didn’t. I know he loves me. We love each other very much. He’s very honest and truthful.

But the irony of what you’re saying—right now, most people think he’s the most untruthful person in America.

Hunter: Everyone talks about how Johnny has fallen from grace. In reality, he’s fallen to grace. He is integrated. He is living a life of truth.

Um, what?! Are you fuckin kidding me with this? But wait — there’s more:

Do you think he thinks that? That he’s more integrated now?

Hunter: Yeah. I think that he thinks that he is a much wiser and a much better and a more truthful and a more integrated human being.

You mentioned that it did go through your head, on that first night, that Johnny was married. Did that bother you?

Hunter: The force field of our love overrode any issues that would arise from my belief systems about, you know, “It should be going different than it is. He should be behaving differently than he is.” He doesn’t lie to me.

How can you be sure?

Hunter: [Because] he discloses everything to me. And he has no fear of lying to me. It’s the fear of what’s gonna happen that causes the lie. The fear of the repercussions.

Let me just stop right there so you can go grab a shovel, because you’re gonna need it to get through the rest of this horseshit.

So even though you know he’s lied to his wife and his state and the country, you really never worry that he will lie to you?

Hunter: No. He does not lie to me. At all. [Before me], he had a huge fear. Most of his mistakes were because of his fear of the wrath of Elizabeth. He was emasculated.

Dear God this bitch is insufferable. Not to mention all kinds of deluded. And I should know about insufferable deluded bitches, because I am one. The difference is I have years of alcohol and drug abuse to blame for my complete alienation from reality; all Rielle Hunter has is a bastard child and a pregnancy-fetish sex tape. I win!

There’s no denying that a sex tape starring presidential hopeful John Edwards and former campaign worker Rielle Hunter exists — Big Brother has gotten its hands on it. The NY Post says

The tape shows Edwards in a sexual encounter with a pregnant woman believed to be Hunter.

According to an affidavit filed by [Edwards' longtime aide Andrew Young] last night, the original sex tape is in an Atlanta safety-deposit box. Another copy has been turned over to the FBI.

And right there, boys and girls, are your tax dollars hard at work. Operative word being “hard.” Bow-chicka-wow-wow!

After two years of flat-out denying it, would-be president John Edwards (shown here flashing gang signs — west sie-yeed!) is finally coming forward today to admit that he is the father of two-year old Quinn Hunter, the end result of an adulterous affair he had with campaign staffer Rielle Hunter while his wife was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Well, technically, he’s not coming forward — Edwards prepared a written statement, and then sent “a friend” into NBC to do the talking for him. But rest assured, it’s not because he’s a coward who doesn’t want to face the public; it’s just because there’s a pending federal investigation as to whether he used campaign money to try to cover up his affair that legally prevents him from speaking about it. An all-around stand-up guy right there. Radar Online says

Through his trusted advisor Harrison Hickman, Edwards released a statement to NBC’s Today Show on Thursday saying:

“I am Quinn’s father. I will do everything in my power to provide her with the love and support she deserves. It was wrong for me ever to deny that she was my daughter and hopefully one day when she understands, she will forgive me.

To all those who I disappointed and hurt, these words will never be enough but I am truly sorry.”

But why is he coming forward now, you ask? Because he finally realized the error of his ways? Because he finally decided to grow a backbone and be a fucking man about it? Ha ha, of course not! It’s because one of his staffers has come out with a book about how Edwards had him pretend HE was the father of the bastard child, and Edwards needed to beat him to the punch:

Edwards wanted to make his announcement before his former aide Andrew Young appears in an ABC interview and reveals how he pretended to be the baby’s father as a favor to Edwards.

Young has written a book about the situation and his interview with ABC is scheduled to air next Friday.

Edwards decided it would be less damaging for him to admit paternity via a statement before Young trumpeted the news during a network TV interview.

Yesterday afternoon, I was out riding my bike with my dog jogging on the leash beside me, because I am a good and responsible pet owner who regularly exercises my pet, and some dude in a pickup truck eases up behind me and lays on the horn to yell something obscene about my ass. The horn was so loud and so close to us that it caused my dog to break stride and dart, terrified, into a drainage ditch. Her sprinting away from the road so quickly ripped me off my bicycle and onto the asphalt, bloodying both my elbow and knee and dislocating my left pinky finger (which has made typing a real fucking treat, let me tell you). And what does this asshole do? Apologize? Get out of the truck to help me? No. He stomps on the gas and leaves me laying there, bleeding, with a no-longer-rideable bike and a fucked up arm, to walk my bike and my dog three-quarters of a fucking mile home so I can take myself to the doctor. The point of this story: I’m pretty sure the asshole in the truck was John Edwards. You gotta admit, all his standard calling cards are there.

Watch the “interview” for yourself: