Rihanna had a busy night last night, performing at the Brixton Academy with Beyonce and Jay-Z before hitting up Nozomi for a little sushi, and then partying at Mahiki nightclub until 3am. And somewhere in the middle of all those comings and goings, she found time to make a replica of her lower torso entirely of chewed bubble gum and cottage cheese. I bet it’s a real conversation piece.
Rihanna was named Woman of the Year at the annual Glamour magazine awards at Carnegie Hall in New York on Monday night. According to Entertainment Wise
The 21-year-old singer was honored for her courage following her assault by ex-boyfriend Chris Brown in February.
Model Iman presented Rihanna with her award, saying she had “impressed with her honesty and courage. She has taken her own scars and used them to create a new story of strength and awareness.”
The singer, who had her blonde hair swept to one side, appeared emotional on stage and joked: “Sorry, I’m PMS-ing.”
Good on Glamour Magazine. Nothing says “empowered female role model” like a chick who reconciles with the guy who beat the living fuck out of her; a chick who doesn’t press charges against him in court despite the DA’s pleas; a chick who only even decides to address the assault a year and a half later because it’s the week that her new album drops and it’s an easy way to get a lot of free press. Maybe next year Glamour can honor Stormy Daniels for her work in “Hickory Dickory Cock” and “Supertits.” She’s almost as inspiring as Rihanna is.
Over a year and a half after it happened, Rihanna is finally opening up about the beatingChris Brown gave her in next month’s issue of Glamour magazine. She says in the interview (via Reuters):
On the ordeal with ex-boyfriend Chris Brown: “I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears. That was the level of media chaos that happened the
next day.”
On her message to young women: “My story was broadcast all over the world for
people to see, and they have followed every step of my recovery. The positive thing that has come out of my situation is that people can learn from that. I want to give as much insight as I can to young women, because I feel like I represent a voice that really isn’t heard. Now I can help speak for those women.”
On how she made it back: “My friends and family have been extremely supportive, and everyone has been there for me. But at some point you are there alone. It’s a lonely place to be — no one can understand. That’s when you get close to God.”
Another time you get close to God? When you wake up bleeding from the anus in a drainage ditch off I-40 without any pants or memory of the last three days and there’s two men in overalls with shovels standing over you. Let me tell you, Jesus and I were never closer.
Around midnight Monday night, Chris Brown took to his Twitter and posted a video montage of himself and Rihanna during happier times set to R.Kelly’s “The Way We Used To Be.” Coincidentally, his new video “I Can Transform Ya” just happens to debut on MTV today (which you can read all about in the subsequent posts). What well-planned nostalgic timing! MSNBC says
“I’m sorry y’all. Just had to post it,” was the accompanying text on the Tweet, and the post immediately following said, “For the fellas: showing emotion doesn’t make u weak … being honest makes you strong.”
I guess The Prodigy’s “Smack My Bitch Up” and Snoop Dog’s “Can You Control Yo Hoe” were just a little too uptempo for the vibe he was going for here.
Rihanna heading to a photo shoot in the Meatpacking District last week:
Rihanna showed up to McDonaldland a fashion show in Paris yesterday in this little “Hamburglar meets Whore” ensemble. And now all I can think about is what Mayor McCheese would look like with a boner. Thanks a lot, Rihanna!
Justin Timberlake’s gone puss-swapping — he’s supposedly dumping girlfriend of three years Jessica Biel for singer Rihanna. Star Magazine says
After a hot grinding session at 1Oak’s MTV Video Music Awards bash in NYC, RiRi and JT moved to her hotel room, where they had a steamy, private after party! “Rihanna and Justin have been talking and texting on the phone nonstop since the VMAs,” said a source.
“Then at [the studio where the two are working on Rihanna’s new album], Justin was joking about strippers. He said she needed to entertain him like that. So Rihanna gave him an impromptu lap dance!”
Justin has made it clear he is 100 percent into Rihanna, and she equally feels the magnetic attraction, says a source. “She is a total tease and loves flirting with him. She digs him and wants to date him too!”
Well, as long as he doesn’t bash her face in or bite her, he’s already doing better the last guy. That’s the great thing about battered women. They set the bar so low!
It somehow eludes most female celebrities that a flashbulb makes black fabric transparent. Just like AIDS has somehow eluded Magic Johnson, even though he’s been HIV positive for 18 goddamn years. I have several theories, all of which involve Spiro T. Agnew, the CDC, and actual magic, but I’m not at liberty to divulge them until all my stuff makes it through customs and I finally assume my new life as Maria Conchita Alonza de la Piedad de Cavadas. I’ve probably already said too much.
In response to the snippet of the Larry King interview that aired yesterday in which he claimed not to remember hitting Rihanna, Chris Brown is now on the offensive (pun intended!) and claiming CNN purposefully edited his responses to make him look bad. He said in a personal statement
“There have been reports on the Internet that I didn’t remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight.
That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like 4 or 5 times.
The first four times I gave the same answer — which was that I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. The fifth time – or whatever it was – I just misspoke. I was asked, “Do you remember doing it?” and I said, “No.”
Of course I remember what happened. But it was and still is a blur. I still can’t believe it happened because it is not me or who I am.”
I don’t know why CNN would give the impression that he didn’t remember the hitting her. Except, you know, that he said that. I also don’t know why they would imply that he was wearing a faggoty-ass sweater and bow tie that made him look like Carlton fucking Banks. Except, you know, that’s what he was wearing. All I know is that CNN better start getting their facts straight before they go skewing a story to make a guy look bad. Chris Brown ain’t exactly afraid to hit a bitch, you know.
You don’t usually see hair like Rihanna’s unless it’s on the head of a well-intentioned pet detective who pulls his cheeks apart to make his ass “talk.” Excuse me, your balls are showing. Bumblebee Tuna!
Chris Brown has finally apologized for beating the hell out of ex-girlfriend Rihanna half a year ago. Like they say, timing is for pussies! He says in the video
“Hi, I’m Chris Brown. Since February my attorney has advised me not to speak out, even though since the incident I wanted to publicly express my deepest regret and accept full responsibility.
Although I would do some interviews and answer some questions in the future, I felt it was time you heard directly from me that I am sorry. I have tried to live my life in a way that would make those around me proud of me, and until recently, I think I was doing a pretty good job. I wish I had the chance to live those few moments again, but unfortunately I can’t.
I cannot go into what happened, and most importantly, I’m not going to sit here and make any excuses. I take great pride in me being able to exercise self-control and what I did was inexcusable. I am very sad and very ashamed of what I’ve done.
My mother and my spiritual teachers have taught me way better than that. I have told Rihanna countless times, and I’m telling you today that I am truly, truly sorry, and I wasn’t able to handle the situation both differently and better. I recognize that I’ve truly been blessed. I’ve been blessed with a wonderful family, wonderful friends and fans. God has been generous in giving me the ability which has brought me fame and fortune.
I have done a lot of soul-searching, and over the past several months I’ve talked with my minister and my mother, and I spent a lot of time trying to understand what happened and why. I have let a lot of people down, and I realize that.
No one is more disappointed than in me than I am. As many of you know, I grew up in a home where there was domestic violence and I saw firsthand what uncontrolled rage could do. I have sought and am continuing to seek help to ensure that what occurred in February can never happen again.
As I sit here today I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to make sure that it never happens again, and I promise that. What I did was unacceptable, 100 percent. I can only ask and pray that you forgive me, please. I hope that others learn from my mistakes. I intend to live my life so that I am truly worthy of the term ‘role model.’ Thank you.”
Unfortunately, Chris never once apologizes for being dressed like a gay chef. I think we can all agree that’s just inexcusable.
It looks like Rihanna’s gone Last of the Mohicans and shaved that man right outta her hair! On the plus side, I’m pretty sure that haircut comes with a lifetime supply of commodity cheese and 0.0063 acres of land in northern Montana. Hope you like whiskey and blackjack, Rihanna!
It’s long been rumored that there was a Rihanna/Chris Brown sex tape out there somewhere, and now X-rated video clip starring a woman who looks a lot like Rihanna has found its way online. According to Nine MSN
This newly released footage… runs for only 13 seconds and shows Rihanna writhing around with Chris Brown. The clip was posted along with a note saying that more footage would be released on June 22 — the date of Chris Brown’s court hearing for assault.
Debate is raging online as to whether or not the clip is the real deal, with many porno aficionados arguing that the star of the film is actually Lavish Styles — a porn actress who bears a striking resemblance to Rihanna.
“Porn aficionados?” What the fuck is that? And to think, my husband got all pissed when I put “masturbatory enthusiast” and “knob-polishing bon vivant” on his business cards. I’m sorry if “jerk-off king” just struck me as a little too blasé for public consumption.
