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Jeopardy host Alex Trebek showed up at the National Geographic World Championship on crutches today after injuring his foot while chasing a thief from his hotel room. Yes, Alex Trebek. That’s just how fucking boring today is. I don’t like it any more than you do. TMZ says:

Cops say a 56-year-old woman was booked on felony burglary and possession of stolen property after allegedly entering Trebek’s room [while he was sleeping], taking cash and a bracelet his mother gave him and then stashing it near an ice machine on Trebek’s floor.

Trebek injured [his Achilles tendon] while chasing the woman down the hallway.

Waking up to a robbery in progress and then chasing the robber down the hall makes Alex sound really cool, but the reality is he’s pretty old. And Canadian. What probably happened is he woke up to pee for the fifth time that night because his prostate’s the size of grapefruit, saw someone rifling through his shit and made an attempt to thwart the would-be robber, but tripped on the belt from his robe and broke his foot instead. If it wasn’t for his Med-Alert necklace, he’d probably be dead right now. Seriously, did I mention he’s Canadian?

Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek on SNL:

In the hopes of IDing the perpetrators, surveillance footage of the three men who broke into Lindsay Lohan’s home last weekend has now been made available to the public. Boy, it must have been weird for Lindsay to actually see them in the act. I can’t imagine anything creepier than watching a video of some stranger violating the sanctity of your home. Unless it’s a video of your mom violating the sanctity your father with a strap-on while wearing a rubber diaper and crying. God, if only I’d had the foresight not to rewind.

At the Ivy with her sister the night in question:

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PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

lindsay lohan stolen pictures

A wall safe and a couple of watches were stolen when three men broke into Lindsay Lohan’s house over the weekend, but you didn’t think there was actually money or jewelery in the safe, did you? Ha ha, of course not! It’s Lindsay Lohan! We all know she hasn’t gotten paid in months. According to the Chicago Sun-Times

The real reason Lindsay Lohan is so upset about the theft of the safe from her L.A. house is the contents included some very incriminating videos and photos, plus legal documents, that LiLo believes could cause embarrassment if made public.

The shit’s about to hit the fan, and what Lindsay needs now more than ever is a real mother. That leathery old bag she’s got flapping around her when the cameras are rolling doesn’t count. She needs somebody without an agenda. Someone to pick her up when she falls face-first on a penis. Someone with direction and compassion. Someone who’s proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have what it takes to care for other people. And I don’t like to brag, but I’ve proven that to Child Protective Services like three times in the last year and a half. Call me, Linz!

UPDATE: Lindsay just kinda confirmed this, tweeting “i know it was not a ROBBERY. electronics weren’t taken… just things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me.” Read: nekkid pictures.

Looking high as a kite while shopping last week:

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PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

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