Megan Fox isn’t afraid to go under the knife (plastic surgery before and after here), and she’s not afraid to use one to hack at her arm, either. She told Rolling Stone

“Yeah, [I used to cut myself]. But I would never call myself a cutter. Girls go through different phases when they’re growing up, when they’re miserable and do different things, whether it’s an eating disorder or they dabble in cutting.

I’m really insecure. I never think I’m worthy of anything… I have a sick feeling of being mocked all the time. I have a lot of self-loathing. I am very vulnerable.”

Jesus jumped up Christ. What the hell is up with all these girls cutting themselves here lately? In my day, we didn’t saw at our wrists with steak knifes to ease the pain of insecurity and self-loathing — we gave blowjobs on the back of the bus and did anal under the bleachers like any respectable high school sophomore would do. Frankly, I’m a little disgusted with all this emo “hurting on the outside like I hurt on the inside” shit. A penis can do the same job, but without any of the ugly physical scars. Emotional scars are practically impossible to see!

Showing off her legs after a “Jennifer’s Body” press conference last month:

Megan Fox does a half-assed “If I Could Turn Back Time” Cher on the cover of next month’s Rolling Stone magazine, only without the thigh-high boots or the Iowa-class battleship backdrop. I just hope Cher will break out that see-through catsuit again and show this smarmy little bitch how it’s really done. You know, when she finally finishes her stint Madame Tussaud’s and has a little more free time. All that retiring can really keep a woman busy!

Bonus “If I Could Turn Back Time” video after the jump.

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Britney Spears is all smiles and exposed midriff on the cover of December 11th issue of Rolling Stone, in which she divulges some choice tidbits about her delightful and well-adjusted toddlers. Us Weekly quotes her as saying

“They’re staring to learn words like ’stupid,’ and [3-year old Sean] Preston says the F-word now sometimes,” Spears reveals. “He doesn’t get it from us,” the singer stresses. “He must get it from his daddy [Kevin Federline]. I say it, but not around my kids.”

That’s probably true, not because she’s vigilant about clean language around her children, but because she’s probably only seen them a total of eighty-four hours in the last year and a half. Not a lot of time to imprint vocabulary on the impressionable, as things like that go. One thing you won’t be reading about in Britney’s Rolling Stone interview, however — her ongoing battle with bulimia. Star Magazine says

A source [says] Brit’s diet consists mostly of “Taco Bell and turkey jerky washed down with Red Bull. She throws up after meals, both at home and at restaurants, and she isn’t very discreet about it.”

The pop star is also “taking diet pills. She has to go to the bathroom constantly. It just runs right through her. And everyone knows she still throws up when she’s eaten too much. You can smell it in the bathroom.”

A crazy woman who reeks of puke living with her father and saddled with two little brats. The only way that line could be more unappealing to men everywhere is if the words could somehow leap off the screen and kick them in the testicles. See, there’s “lowering the bar,” and then there’s “using the bar to ass-fuck yourself in front of a mirror while sobbing uncontrollably.” I’ll let you decide which heading “dating Britney Spears” falls under.