Chris Brown is seeing red after a rumor started about him using a particularly charming pickup line at pre-Grammy party. Says E! Online,

Earlier this week, Us Weekly reported that Brown, who pleaded guilty to a particularly brutal felony assault of Rihanna three years ago, attempted to sweet-talk a brunette at a pre-Grammy gifting lounge by telling her, “Can I get your number? I promise I won’t beat you!”

Well, the 22-year-old’s rep is now vehemently denying that any such encounter took place.

“That is absurd and absolutely not true,” his publicist told E! News. “He did not say that nor would he joke about that.”

God, people! How dare you make such crap up! You should know better that Chris Brown would never promise to not beat a woman up. He reserves the right to smack his bitches as he sees fit, and don’t you be forgetting that!

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley with Cuba Gooding, Jr. at the Elle Style Awards in London:

Victoria’s Secret model and “Transformers 3″ star Rosie Huntington-Whiteley graces one of three covers of next month’s issue of Vs magazine — the other two covers belong to actress Julianne Moore and supermodel Helena Christensen. I suppose the choice of three different women on the covers is their way of putting in a real-life versus in the magazine Vs. So, anyway, which did I choose? Well, after dialoguing with my co-workers and much consideration and deliberation, I ultimately went with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. She was showing her nipple, and the other ladies weren’t. If you aren’t going to bring your A-game, you might as well not even step up to the plate.

I would confidently face the morning with a steely gaze and my hands on my hips in $700 bikini if I had a body like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s. In fact, it’s how I’d greet every morning. And also every early afternoon. And myself in the mirror.

Usually if somebody tells me they’re gonna give it to me in German, I assume it means I should bite down on the leash and hope my spine doesn’t telescope from the impact, but luckily, that’s not the case here. It’s just Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s nipples in German Vogue. You can stop cowering in the corner and sucking your thumb now.

Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley makes a damn sexy Indian in her spread for next month’s South African FHM. In fact, I bet half of you are pitching a teepee in your pants right now. Hey-yah ho-ah!

Between Chasity Bono’s dick and Snooki’s new tattoo, there’s been a whole lot of fugly on the site today. But these pics of “Transformers 3″ star Rosie Huntington-Whiteley promoting Burberry’s new fragrance at Macy’s ought to make everything better. Plus, it’s good to know there’s a department store you can shop in without having to wear a shirt. Those bastards at Nordstrom acted like they’d never seen a tit before.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I’ve always thought “Transformers 3″ star Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s lips were fake, so I did a little digging for some good before-and after-pics to put up with this shoot. Turns out they’re 100% real. I found this pic of her at 17 toking on a water pipe, and her lips are as gigantic as ever. So logically, that would have to mean that one of her biological parents is part grouper (see last 5 thumbs below). It’s the only way to explain her mouth that doesn’t involve autonomous migratory hemorrhoids or a serious allergic reaction to bees.

I think Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is both the bee’s knees and the cat’s pajamas, so prepare yourself to see her at every Transformers premiere this side of the Mississippi. She hit the red carpet at the New York premiere of the movie last night in this super-sexy red number. When asked for comment, Rosie reportedly said, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way” before hopping into a cartoon taxi to play pat-a-cake with a rabbit in a bow tie and suspenders.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

“Thirty Rock” star Tracy Morgan took to the stage at Times Square comedy club Carolines this week in his first stand-up routine since he went on a poorly-received homophobic rant earlier this month. He was careful not to offend the gays this time, instead focusing his rapist’s wit on the oft-overlooked retard demographic. The NY Times says:

Resuming his routine, Mr. Morgan warned his audience, “Don’t ever mess with women who have retarded kids.” As groans and cries of “Uh-oh” were heard, he continued, “Them young retarded males is strong. They’re strong like chimps.”

Finally, he concluded with a bit about his alleged teenage romance with a girl he described as “a cripple” with a prosthetic arm, a mechanical larynx and a portable dialysis machine.

Ask any seventh grade bully on the back of a bus — it’s always better to go after the retards. Half the time, retards don’t even know you’re making fun of them, and the ones that are savvy enough to realize you’re mocking them usually have a hard time articulating their disapproval, on account of the retarded-ness and all. It’s best to pick battles you know you’re gonna win. Paricularly if you’re not funny or talented in the least.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley at another Transformers 3 premiere, because Tracy Morgan looks like a retarded chimp himself:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

The only thing better than one Rosie Huntington-Whiteley post in a day is two Rosie Huntington-Whiteley posts in a day, and the only thing better than two Rosie Huntington-Whiteley posts in one day is three Rosie Huntington-Whiteley posts in one day, and so on and so forth with awesomeness x increasingly exponentially with the addition of each Rosie Huntington-Whiteley post. See, math CAN be fun! Algebra teachers just need to incorporate more boobs.

In the July issue of German FHM:

This may shock and confound you, but it seems the last of Charlie Sheen’s porn star “goddesses” has left the Sober Valley Lodge in search of greener, less-fisted pastures. TMZ says:

Natalie Kenly moved out last week — but hell hath no fury like a Warlock scorned … because we’re told the actor DEMANDED she return the Mercedes he bought her.

According to sources close to the actor, Charlie brushed off the break-up, claiming it’s “not a common thing for the Masheen!”

We’re told Charlie’s penis celebrated the split by declaring war on the entire world, conquering three women from three different countries — Mexico, Australia, and Colombia — the very night Kenly walked out.

Charlie Sheen looks like a fucking corpse and the best that could be said about his live-in whores is that they still have most of their teeth, so instead we’re gonna look at Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley at the premiere of Transformers 3. Consider it an act of mercy.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Transformers director Michael Bay is a complete idiot who mistakes “big” and “loud” for “plot,” but the man never skimps on quality T&A. Case in point, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. It’s gonna take a whole lotta sideboob to make me forget jive-talking robots and robot testicles, but I’m willing to give it the ol’ college try. And by “ol’ college try” I mean “masturbate.” Just so we’re on the same page here.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures