Despite rumors that she made a sex tape, LeAnn Rimes claims she never did the deed in front of a camera. I know, you’re all really broken up about this, aren’t you? Says Digital Spy,

LeAnn Rimes has dismissed claims that she made a sex tape with ex-husband Dean Sheremet.

The ‘How Do I Live’ singer laughed off speculation that intimate footage of the former couple was about to be released after being discovered in a truck.

She wrote on Twitter: “I hear there are rumors of a ‘sex tape’ I have never filmed myself having sex on tape, period. Haven’t joined that club Lol (sic)”

A spokesperson for Rimes further stated to the New York Daily News: “LeAnn has absolutely never filmed a video [of herself] having sex.”

Sheremet – when questioned about the alleged tape – is quoted as arguing: “We were married for eight years, we did a lot of s**t. I honestly don’t even remember. I’m sure it was fun and innocent.”

The footage was claimed by its finder to feature Rimes “posing provocatively” in a thong.

Whew! I’m glad we cleared that one up. If I wanted to see an unusually large member of the order Rodentia , I’d go over to my cousin Clive’s house and see his 7-year-old rat get it on with his harem of red-eyed lady friends. I’m sure that option would prove to be less frightening and probably sexier.

At Sirius XM’s “The Highway Super Fan Concert Series” in Nashville:

Now that  LeAnn Rimes is newly engaged to Eddie Cibrian just this past Christmas, the rumors are flying that she’s also knocked up. She’s of course denying it. Says Digital Spy,

LeAnn Rimes has denied rumors that she is pregnant with fiancé Eddie Cibrian.

Rimes – who recently announced her engagement to the actor – took to Twitter to shoot down a story originally reported by Hollybaby which said that the singer was expecting her first child.

Rimes wrote: “this is such BS!!!! Lol, you people all report BS (sic).”

The 28-year-old appeared to reinforce her denial by posting details of her indulgent holiday plans shortly after. She added: “Cabo!!!!! Sun, bikinis, friends, food, tequila…celebration!!!! Gonna be the best trip!!”

So it’s just like that time when there were rumors that you were cheating, but you got all huffy and offended and you denied it, and then it turned out to be true and you’re just a pug-nosed liar-dog? Yeah. I thought so.

Walking in Calabasas:

For some reason Tila Tequila is pretending she isn’t a virtue-less slattern and is all up-in-arms about a sex tape rumor. Says Popeater,

Hours after reports that Tila Tequila was set to star in a porn video, the sex-charged Internet starlet took to her blog to vehemently deny everything.

“I finally got online and saw that there are FALSE RUMORS that I made a deal for a SEX TAPE! Which is BULL***T!!” Tila, 28, wrote on MissTilaOMG.com. “I have a feeling I know who is behind spreading these rumors. He used to work for the OMG staff, got fired for inappropriate behavior and now he’s p****d!”

“Tila inked this deal hoping that she’ll make millions off the sale of it,” a source originally told RadarOnline.com, who reported the porn film would come from “a major distributor.”

Though Tila has posed nude and been involved in plenty of scandalous endeavors, this would have been her first foray into porn.

Tequila’s announcement that she did not participate in a porn video quickly turned into an attack on the person she suspects of selling the falsified story:
“My pit bull Lawyer, Alan Gutman, is already on getting ready to file a restraining order from you! Do you want to play hardball? Do you want me to tell the WORLD what you did to me? Well since I have more class than you, I’m not going to tell them. Time will tell itself once the news comes out of the VIOLENT things you did to me, that scared the s**t out of me until I kept my mouth shut about it … I was so afraid to tell people what REALLY HAPPENED! You will all know soon enough! And for once and for all, I DID NOT, and I repeat, I DID NOT MAKE A DEAL TO MAKE A SEX TAPE!”

Um, if I remember correctly, she already had a sex tape that supposedly got “stolen” and leaked online, so I don’t know what the big deal is. Plus, this is the creature that makes a living being the biggest whore this side of Babylon, so this pretty much just sounds like any other of her crazy shenanigans. I bet her “pit bull lawyer” is like, a real pit bull. I’m just waiting for the day when the combination of drugs and whatever mental illness(es) she has come to a boiling point and fry her little spastic bird brain.

At a party at Fred Segal in Hollywood (who the hell invites her anyway?):

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Katy Perry is all in a tizzy because someone dared to suggest that she may have been getting cozy with Twilight star Robert Pattinson. Says NineMSN,

The wide-eyed popette was outraged to hear rumours she had been “flirting outrageously” with Twilight’s Robert Pattinson at an LA karaoke bar, after which she apparently left with him in the same car.

“Read a bunch of yesterdays news – B**LOCKS,” she Twittered.

“Ppl should know by now that I don’t do vampires, but I do DO @rustyrockets [Brand's Twitter username]. Don’t get it TWISTED!”

Now, I’m no squealing fan of Robert Pattinson, but I’d take it as a step up to be associated with him rather than oily-looking, hairy, looks-like-a-cult-leader Russell Brand. Plus the fact that he’s put his slimy sausage into every available orifice that he’s run across. He’s probably breeding his own special Brand of an STD. Brand-get it? Ha ha. I amuse myself greatly.

Adam Lambert wants you to know that his father is totally cool with his son’s simulated oral sex and S&M-laden shitty performance at the American Music Awards. Don’t you wish your dad was that hip and with it? MTV.com goes on,

The “Idol” runner-up also took some time to clear up rumors that have been floating around about him. “I haven’t started a makeup line. I might, but I haven’t yet,” he said. “My father was rumored to be mortified by what I did [at the 'American Music Awards'] and that we’re not speaking. That’s a rumor. … I think Bill O’Reilly perpetuated that. Lovely man. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion. [My dad and I] were laughing about it … so that was a rumor.”

Dad’s a real pal. I bet he washes his butt plugs for him and everything.

Here he is at the Z100 Jingle Ball, looking like a complete tool.

Lindsay Lohan’s swath of freckled destruction and epic failure continue! Rooting herself more firmly onto the “Do Not Invite” list, her supposed talks about joining the House of Ungaro has the current head designer threatening to leave if he catches wind of her. The New York Post reports,

Lohan is in Paris, according to multiple sources, talking to the House of Emanuel Ungaro about signing on as a “creative consultant” for the fashion line. But the current head designer of Ungaro, Esteban Cortazar, is not greeting the rehabbed starlet with open arms.

“Esteban is threatening to leave the company if they bring Lindsay on as a consultant,” said a fashion insider. “It has been a revolving door of designers there and if he leaves, his team will go with him.”

Ungaro owner Asim Abdullah signed Colombian-born Cortazar in 2007 at the age of 23. The young designer put his own line — which he’d launched in 2002 — on hold to join the troubled Ungaro house, and received warm reviews for the first Ungaro runway collection he debuted in March of last year.

Meanwhile Lohan, between a series of box-office bombs and highly publicized romances, has dabbled in fashion by designing a line of leggings and launching her own spray tan.

According to our source, “Ungaro thinks Lindsay is going to bring the company new energy and new buzz, but she is going to be the nail in the coffin. Nobody will take them seriously ever again.”

A rep for the House of Ungaro did not return our calls or e-mails. A lawyer for Cortazar had “no comment.”

Dabbled in fashion? Leggings are two pieces of fabric sewn together, usually with only one seam. They don’t even have to be cut specially to fit the body since they’re made of freaking spandex. It’s not rocket science, people. I’m pretty sure if I gave the local adult day care center some spandex, a sewing machine, and a Bedazzler, you’d get better shit than she can put out.

Sam Ronson and Lindsay arriving at Sam’s house at 2:45 AM:

Paris Hilton’s reps are denying the heiress is pregnant after pictures of her with a protruding belly sparked baby rumors yesterday. London’s The Sun says

Many websites claimed Paris is sporting a mini baby bump underneath her floaty green dress. But the party girl’s representatives have been quick to deny she’s pregnant, insisting these claims are “completely false”.

Of course she’s not pregnant. No sperm could survive in that kind of hostile environment more than ten minutes. Fifteen, tops. I’d be willing to bet that if you looked inside her vagina a half hour after intercourse, there’d just be a lot of bubbling and hissing sounds, like you were frying bacon in hydrochloric acid. And you might see occasional shriveled and disfigured spermatozoa emerge from the mist, rattling chains and moaning like some kind of a seminal Jacob Marley on Christmas Eve, and right in front of the cervix would be a hand-lettered sign that read “The End Is Near — John 3:16.” You’d be better off spilling your seed in a ten-gallon drum of radioactive waste than dropping a load in Paris Hilton. At least your baby has a chance of turning out to be a superhero that way.