Hello my lovelies, it’s Sarah. I’m sorry to do this to you, but sometimes life is pain. These are pictures of walking vomitorium Russell Brand picking up girlfriend Katy Perry at the airport in London, where she flew after performing at the 2009 MTV Europe Music Awards in Berlin. I seriously don’t get these two. First off, Russell Brand is goddamn disgusting and I’d rather stick my tongue in the toilet of a truck stop bathroom than anywhere on his person or even in his general vicinity. Secondly, Katy Perry isn’t ugly, but she dresses like a six-year-old with special needs and she’s talentless and annoying and has exactly two points in her favour, both of which she insists on covering up pretty much all the time.
Actually nevermind, it turns out they’re kind of perfect for each other.
The first of the Russell Brand/Britney Spears VMA’s commercials hit the airwaves yesterday, and in this one, Russell and and a bikini-clad Britney communicate telepathically. So MTV’s brilliant advertising campaign is basically thirty seconds of Britney hearing voices in her head. What a stretch, huh? Maybe next they can shoot one where it burns when she pees or another where she chokes trying to swallow an entire fruit pie without chewing.
Hello, my pretties! It’s Sarah today. Abby’s decided to extend her stay in Mexico, but she’ll be back just as soon as that teensy legal issue gets cleared up. Judges are such fuddy duddies!
In the meantime, let’s discuss the possibility of Lindsay Lohan as a powerful treatment for sex addiction. Russell Brand is a raging sexaholic, but apparently he’s got his limits. He’s not willing to enter the walking biohazard that is Miss Lohan. From The Sun:
Li-Lo has been trying to cosy up to the Forgetting Sarah Marshall star at various Hollywood parties over the last few weeks.
Her latest attempt at seducing Russ was at his new best friend P DIDDY’s annual White Party last weekend. But he politely declined her advances. But apparently Lindsay’ s immature behaviour and desperate attention-seeking is a massive turn-off for Russ.
A source said: “Lindsay is a very good-looking girl and she is used to getting what she wants. Russell has been on her radar for a while now but he doesn’t want anything to do with her.
“He finds her constant craving for attention and her heavy drinking a turn-off. It’s not like he is short of female attention anyway.”
Russell Brand is constantly willing to bang cheap slags that look like this, but he won’t touch Lindsay Lohan even with some other dude’s ten foot pole. Poor Lindsay. That’s gotta sting, and if she were ever sober for more than twenty consecutive minutes, she’d probably be lucid enough to realise she’s the world’s most used up 23-year-old.
So… Sunday’s Sun UK had a quaint little piece about how Russell Brand (who famously bragged about sleeping with at least three women per day) fancies himself a latter-day St. Francis of Assisi or some such nonsense, since apparently he told GQ:
“If I’m to find any true happiness I have to devote myself to something bigger than my own ego.
“I’m really getting tired of materialism. I don’t reckon I’ve got more than two or three years.
“I’ve burned out drugs. I’m burning out sex. I don’t even know what I’m doing yet. I’m not ready.
“I’ve got to be in a position where they can’t go, ‘Didn’t he f**k* that stripper? Didn’t he go to that lap-dancing club?’”
“There can’t be any of that around. That’s all got to go - until I’m in a position where I can say, ‘Look I’m celibate, I’m a vegan. All I do is meditate, come out and do stand-up and make films.’”
I’m guessing he attended the Katy Perry seminar on abstinence practice (entitled Abstinence For Beginners: How a 4-Hour Lifestyle Change Can Bring You Nirvana and Free Press) because here’s dear St. Russell and his two most recent acolytes leaving Akon’s wrap party at No5 Cavendish Square, from which they headed directly to Brand’s house. To meditate, surely.
Here is the other of the “elephant in the room” promos Britney shot with British comedian Russell Brand for the MTV Video Music Awards. And as you can see, she does not play the part of the elephant. Apparently the execs at MTV wanted the lumbering land mammal in the commercial to have an actual trunk. Those head honcho-types can be so picky!
