If this were American Vogue, I’d assume they were going for a tongue-in-cheek Eurotrash vibe in this spread with Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes. But it’s not American Vogue. It’s Russian Vogue. Therefore it is safe to say the Festrunk brothers don’t just cruise and swing successfully in tight slacks — they also design their very own line of Eastern Bloc swimming suits and accessories.

In case one of you pretentious asswipes wants to make some snide comment about my cultural acumen, you should know that all the -vokia’s and -vanias count as Russia as far as I’m concerned, because I’m American:

Besides the Oscars, the Vanity Fair party and Alexander McQueen’s flagship store, Paris Hilton has now been banned from a Russian Hyatt hotel. According to The Sun

Paris Hilton was banned from a top hotel after signing her name on the expensive wallpaper. The dippy heiress, 27, scribbled “Paris Moscow 2008” in black marker in the Hyatt’s $16,000-a-night presidential suite for a photoshoot during a stay in the Russian capital.

The Hyatt Hotel fined her $9,000 and said she could never return.A spokesman said: “Miss Hilton ruined the wallpaper in the luxury suite. In such a case the client automatically goes on the black list.”

At least it wasn’t a total loss. The defaced wallpaper still matched the employee bathroom stall’s “For a good time call Paris Hilton ” and “Those who write on bathroom walls, Roll their shit in little balls, And you who read these words of wit, Eat those little balls of shit.” It’s just too bad that there are seven floors in between the employee lounge and the Presidential Suite.