Scarlett Johansson showed off her new rock at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute Gala last night, confirming her engagement to actor Ryan Reynolds. So when’s the big date, you ask? Well, there isn’t one. According to OK! Magazine

“Scarlett doesn’t want to get married anytime soon,” says an insider. “So expect it to be a long engagement.”

The Lost in Translation star’s reluctance to walk down the aisle had been a source of tension between the couple, so they came up with a compromise — “Get engaged now, and worry about the wedding down the road.”

So she doesn’t want to actually get married — she just has an album that conveniently drops in two weeks. What an Ashlee Simpson-style coincidence! Beside, all that boning Woody Allen to convince people she’s a credible actress probably wouldn’t sit too well with a husband. Husbands have serious hang-ups about what you do with your vagina. It’ll be all “I know the doctor said no sex after the c-section, but what about the butt?” this and “See, it’s a coupon for a free Brazilian bikini wax!” that. Trust me, that stuff starts to get old real quick.

In Dolce and Gabbana:

Scarlett Johansson brought out the big guns this weekend for the marines stationed at Kuwait’s Camp Buehring. Unlike other celebrities who can’t even be bothered to give a buck to the homeless guy standing next to their car, Scarlett will be spending the next four days in the Gulf region as part of the USO tour. In other Scarlett news, rumor has it that she has gotten engaged to actor Ryan Reynolds. The Post Chronicle says

The ‘Lost in Translation’ actress, who has been dating Ryan for almost a year, is said to be smitten with the ‘Smokin’ Aces’ star and has accepted his marriage proposal. A source said: “We can expect an engagement announcement from Ryan and Scarlett any day now. They are very much in love and have decided to take the next step. Scarlett is thrilled!”

Whatever. I’m just impressed she’s braving the globe’s asshole to bring her special kind of talent (re: rhymes with “moobs”) to the marines stuck over there for the next year and a half. Sure, some of them have stared death in the face and lost limbs and been burned and disfigured beyond recognition in the name of American oil interests, but nothing lifts the blanket of impotent despair like chick with a big rack and no burqa or a mustache. In fact, I hear the only thing that marines like better than famous knockers is famous knockers with orders to Kaneohe Marine Corps Air Station Hawaii taped to them. Also acceptable: liquor and porn. Let’s all do our part for the boys overseas!