American Idol constestant Emily Wynne-Hughes, pictured above with fellow Go Betty Go bandmates and her flounder-esque ass, is the proud owner of an alcohol monitoring bracelet stemming from a DUI conviction last year. According to TMZ

Turns out Emily — the same tattooed chick who can’t seem to keep her pants on — has been ordered to wear a SCRAM bracelet.

The whole thing is over an arrest back in July, where cops busted her for allegedly driving drunk in West Hollywood. Emily copped a plea to a lesser charge of reckless driving. In addition to the bracelet, Emily was placed on 3 years probation.

It looks like we’ve got another Jessica Sierra on our hands! Not literally, of course. There’s not enough Clorox the world over to get that kind of stank off your mitts. You’d be better off lopping ‘em off and burning them in a turpentine fire.

BONUS: Video of Ryan Seacrest trying to high five the blind guy (Scott McIntyre):

Look, I tried. I really did. I wanted to make it a whole day without another fucking Britney Spears post, but unfortunately, the fates aren’t on my side today. This time she went shopping in torn fishnets — without underpants — at two in the morning and again with the fake British accent (you can listen for yourself after the jump). Us Weekly gives us a recap of the evening:

Photographers began shouting questions [as she left Ralph's supermarket around midnight].

Q: Britney, what do you want to say to Adnan on TV?
B: (Thinks for a second) “I think he’s a nice person.”
Q: What was the result of your pregnancy test?
B: “I never had a pregnancy test.”
Q: Britney, what are you going to do now? Go to college?
B: (sighing) “Oh, I wish I was in college.”
Q: “Britney, you don’t like black guys?
B: “Yeah, I like black guys.”

At 2 a.m., Spears, Lutfi and another pal hit L.A.’s Kitson’s Men’s store… [which] was opened just for them. Spears came out wearing a men’s pin-striped shirt and black skinny tie, her hair in a messy bun.

Minus pants. Us Weekly left that part out. Also minus underpants. But then BFF of two months Sam Lufti gave Ryan Seacrest his version of it this morning, and of course it all made sense:

When asked if the late night spree at L.A.’s Kitson was “retail therapy,” Lutfi said, “that was pretty much what it was.”

What prompted the late night rendezvous?

“Boredom.”

And those photos of Spears shopping for pregnancy tests with paparazzo beau Adnan Ghalib?

“I don’t even know what the hell that was. I don’t know if they even bought one… I think it was probably for Chad.” (Chad Hardcastle is Lutfi’s friend who accompanied them Wednesday.)

Does Spears want another kid?

“No, no, no, no, no, no. No, not at all.”

As for reports Spears wants to marry Ghalib:

“That’s not true.”

At another point during the interview, Lutfi enters Spears’ room as she prepares to shower (she showers?) and she bleats

“Get out! I’m naked. Get out! I stink, ’cause I’m a human being. Shut the door, I’m nasty!”

There’s nothing left for me here. God bless. You could give a African silver back a car and a credit card and turn it loose in L.A. and its night would have only been half as chaotic and bizarre as Britney’s. A gorilla wouldn’t try on a foreign accent when flashbulbs started going off in its face or change outfits twice in one evening after an 100 mile-an-hour car chase. It’d just start bashing nearby vehicles and screeching and scaling buildings, maybe hurl the occasional handful of feces at a pap that got too close. Even a simian has its dignity, you know. That’s why you won’t find any monkeys in Steven Seagal movies.

Listen to the whole interview here.

The boredom-fueled, panty-free two a.m. shopping spree:

(more…)

Britney Spears chatted with Ryan Seacrest yesterday to promote her latest album’s release, and by “chat” I mean “blather indiscriminately and occasionally lose consciousness.” It was a riveting interview, captured in excruciating detail for you by the NY Daily News:

“People say what they want and do what they do,” the singer said Wednesday on Seacrest’s KIIS-FM morning show.“It’s sad how people, how cruel our world can be,” she said. “But at the end of the day you gotta to know in your heart that you are doing the best that you can.”

On her kids:

When Seacrest asked Spears how often she gets to see her kids, she answered, “That’s all in the courts. My lawyers know all that stuff.”

(For the record, Brit gets two visits and one overnight with the boys each week, and a monitor must be present.)

Seacrest asked helpfully if Spears is doing her best with her children. “Oh God, yeah, yeah,” she answered.

On her new album:

Asked which track was most meaningful to her, Spears said, “I really like ‘Heaven on Earth.’ It think it’s a cool track.” She said she did nothing special to celebrate the album’s release. The big day “was kind of laid-back, really,” she said, adding, “We watched movies” (she couldn’t remember which movies) and “we had fried chicken.”

Her love life (specifically, the guy she was seen giving lapdances at Les Deux Friday night):

Asked if she was romantically involved with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, Brit asked, “Who?”

You could listen to the whole interview here, or you could just bash yourself in the face with a frying pan a couple of times and put on the Teletubbies. It’ll make just as much sense and your head won’t hurt as much afterwards.

Britney classin’ it up in the bartender’s outfit from yesterday: