I remember a time when people still thought Sacha Baron Cohen was funny. I also remember a time when I could make love to a man without compulsively pulling out all my eyelashes the next morning. Unfortunately for both of us, that day was not today.
Promoting “The Dictator” in Cannes by having Elisabetta Canalis pretend to laugh at his wiener and kick him in the nads so he can pretend to toss her dead body overboard in a garbage bag (more pics after the jump):
After being initially banned from attending the Oscars in his “Dictator” persona, Sacha Baron Cohen was given the go-ahead to arrive in full General Aladeen regalia late last week. I guess the head honchos at the Oscars figured their boring-ass show could use all the help it could get. The “fun” started when he made his way over to Ryan Seacrest. Says Detroit Free Press,
Sacha Baron Cohen did exactly what the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences initially didn’t want him to — he showed up on the Oscar red carpet as the character in his upcoming movie, The Dictator, flanked by military assistants bearing flowers.
He stopped to talk to E!’s Ryan Seacrest, who asked, of course, “Who are you wearing?”
“I’m wearing John Galliano,” said Aladeen, “but the socks are from Kmart! As Saddam Hussein once said to me, socks are socks, don’t waste money.”
“I love it here because it gave me an opportunity to bring my dear friend and tennis partner, Kim Jong-il,” he said showing a gold urn with an image of the North Korean leader who died in December. “It was my dream to come to the Oscars and be sprinkled over the red carpet and Halle Berry’s chest.”
He then pretended to look at the bottom of the urn, saying it was from South Korea, and spilled the ashes all over Seacrest’s dapper Burberry tuxedo! Whoa!
“Now when people ask who you are wearing, you will say Kim Jong-il!” the general told Seacrest, as security guards seemed to pull him down the red carpet.
I don’t know what’s more predictable: that Sacha Baron Cohen acted like an idiot, or that Ryan Seacrest got a load dumped on him.
Sacha Baron Cohen will not be permitted to show up to the Oscars dressed as General Aladeen from his new movie “The Dictator,” because that might offend despotic third world dictators and you know how sensitive those guys are. Us Magazine says:
After reports surfaced that the Hugo star, 40, was banned from the awards fest, an Academy rep explained it didn’t seem “appropriate” for Cohen to come in costume, but “his tickets haven’t been pulled.”
“Sacha is definitely upset that he’s not being allowed to attend the event as the General,” a source [says].
No one was supposed to know of The General’s appearance on Sunday in the first place, adds the source. “He wanted it to be a surprise and to keep everyone aloof, which he enjoys, but the media went and messed with his fun. He’s bummed about the whole situation.”
The star still plans to attend, the source notes.
But General Aladeen still got in his two riyals on the “Today Show” this morning, saying:
“On behalf of the nation of Wadiya, I am outraged at being banned from the Oscars by the Academy of Motion Pictures of Arts and Zionists. While I applaud the Academy from taking away my right to free speech, I warn you that if you do not lift your sanctions and give me my tickets back by 12 p.m. on Sunday, you will face unimaginable consequences.”
Well, whatever these “unimaginable consequences” are, they still can’t be worse than the extended director’s cut of “Bruno.” Homemade pipe bombs would be a whole lot more humane.
Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Irina Shayk in the March issue of Marie Claire Spain, because Sacha doesn’t look nearly as hot in a sundress:
Sacha Baron Cohen strips down to nothing but his bare kugelsack on the cover of next month’s GQ magazine to promote his new movie “Bruno: The Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt.” The Daily Mail says of the movie:
Sacha Baron Cohen’s new movie Bruno is shockingly funny, some of the time.
There are scenes in Bruno that… I turned my head away from the screen. There’s a lot of exposure of rear ends, and front ends.
The point is to shock, to make your cringe in your seat, to shake your head and go, “No, he’s not going to do that, is he?!” Oh, yes he is, my God, he did.
By all accounts this movie is shockingly distasteful and indefensibly obscene. And if you’re reading this blog, chances are you’re just as excited to see it as I am.
Vampire shitfest “Twilight” took home five awards at the MTV Movie Awards last night while “Slumdog Millionaire” walked away empty-handed, confirming everyone’s suspicion that the next generation is full idiot twats that could benefit from a good tear-gassing. But despite the lack of mass-released lachrymatory agents, the show was still salvaged by “Bruno” actor Sacha Baron Cohen’s descent from on high ass-first into rapper Eminem’s unsuspecting face. Us Weekly says
Dressed in white wings and feathers and suspended by cables, he flew around the Gibson Amphitheatre [and] happened to land on Eminem, with his bare buttocks in the rapper’s face.
A visibly upset Eminem yelped. “Get the [fuck] off me!”
“Nice to meet you,” Cohen replied.
Eminem’s bodyguards then proceeded to pull Cohen off the rapper.
“Hey, don’t touch me! I’ve already got a boyfriend!” he yelled.
Once Cohen was off Eminem, the rapper jumped up and stormed out of the theater with his bodyguards.
Ooh, I bet that’s just like what the apostles saw when Jesus ascended into heaven. Except, you know, with more taint and freshly-waxed ball sack.
