It was revealed today that Britney Spears’ latest manager and BFF Sam Lufti — who told Barbara Walters this morning that Britney was in the process of seeking treatment for “mental issues” — had three separate restraining orders taken out against him in California before becoming Britney’s constant companion. Danny Haines, one of the people who obtained a court order, told Blender magazine (via Page Six):

Lufti told [me I] should “just kill [my]self” when the friendship soured. Lufti was “more jealous than a lover [and would go to extremes, telling [me I] was a “worthless mother[fucker]” one minute and that he “loved” [me] the next. When Haines eventually cut him off, Lufti humiliated him, e-mailing naked photos of him to his family, friends and co-workers. He texted and called incessantly and, according to court documents, told Haines he hoped his sister would be “raped to death.” In one e-mail to him, Lufti wrote of Haines’ mother that he hoped “Satan devours her flesh and bones” and he looked forward to the day when he would [piss] on her burial.”

Sounds like one of those rare cases when you’d rather open up the door and see Amy Fischer on your front stoop. Sure, Amy might blow off half of your face at point-blank range, but at least she’d leave your mom and sister out of it. Sam Lufti would sodomize your mailman and urinate on your fifth-grade chorus teacher if thought it would teach you a lesson. The lesson being “I’m a stubby little fruitcake lunatic with something to prove.” Really, if he would just went around introducing himself that way, he could totally save his wiener and his lawyers a little down time.

Britney Spears continues careening down the highway to hell her chosen path with rumors of an impending marriage to Osama Lufti. According to MSNBC

This time she wants to hitch her wagon to professional hanger-on Sam Lutfi. In fact… Britney already announced her marital ambitions to her lawyers and ex-hubby, Kevin Federline. “[The lawyers] begged her to at least get a prenup, but she didn’t seem to be listening, and Kevin has forbidden Britney from having Sam around the boys [and] has threatened to get a restraining order. She’ll lose custody if she allows Sam around them, Kevin will make sure of it.”

But will the danger of losing her kids be enough to keep Brit from heading down the aisle a third time? … Unlikely. “Britney is completely under Sam’s spell. Everyone sees through him, except her. I hear that he stays with her most of the time, and she pays for his food, his bar and restaurant tabs and his clothing. She takes car of everything.”

Sam Lufti is like the poor man’s Kevin Federline, and Kevin Federline is already the poor man’s Rico Suave, so figuring it all out gets a little complicated. Basically, if Rico Suave took a dump in a box and slapped a goatee and sideburns on it, you’d be left with Sam Lufti. And if you scraped the cheese off Rico Suave’s dick and mixed in a little Cool Water cologne, you’d get Kevin Federline. Mix the both of them together and you get cauliflower ear and burning when you pee. I don’t recommend it.

Britney gas stationing it up over the weekend: