Hey all, it’s Sonya, and I’ll be with you for the rest of the week while Abby is out of town. Anywho, now that Sam Ronson is living the high life with renounced manmeat-eater Lindsay Lohan, she’s gone all uppity and refuses to give her sisters somel love. New York Post reports,

When management of Rubyfruit in the West Village recently asked the butchy deejay to do a benefit to help save the landmark lesbian watering hole and restaurant from possibly shutting, they were flatly refused, according to Rubyfruit’s resident spinner, Stacy “Deejay Stacy” Ledwith.

Time out here for a sec. You’re a lesbian deejay and the best you can come up with is Deejay Stacy? If I were a lesbian deejay I’d come up with something a little more creative. Something like “Butcherella”, “Taco Tina”, or “Too Can Chu”. Fly your freak flag high, I say!

More of Lindsay and her ungrateful man at the Roxy

So sorry to burst your bubble, Sam and Lindsay lovers, but Lindsay Lohan’s camp is denying the rumors that the two are getting ready to tie the knot. Digital Spy reports,

Lindsay Lohan has spoken out against rumours that she is to marry DJ Samantha Ronson.

Ronson reportedly stated at a recent gig that Lohan “will be Mrs Ronson” by the end of the year, while the actress has been spotted wearing a ring.

However, a spokesperson for Lohan commented that the jewellery does not signify anything, saying: “She bought [the ring] herself. It’s an antique ring that she found at an antiques store in NYC.”

Are you really surprised that a veteran penis connoisseur like the Hohan is ready to commit to a strap-on only? It’s the equivalent to Bruce the shark in Finding Nemo resisting his natural urges to eat fish. You can only take it so long before the sight of a penis is enough to make your eyes roll back in your head and drive you into a mindless humping frenzy. It’s just like watching Animal Planet!

Hohan and Sammy Longshanks at LAX