Well, look who’s on the cover of next month’s Elle magazine! It’s Carrie Bradshaw, patron saint of wannabe fashionistas everywhere. I guess being perceived as a clotheshorse has really paid off for Sarah Jessica Parker. God knows it has to be better than just being perceived as a regular horse like before. Zing!

In Equistrian Monthly Bridle & Bit the December issue of Elle:

Sarah Jessica Parker loves the smell of dirty diapers.

No, for realsies.  It says so in Us Weekly, and if you can’t trust Us Weekly, then… well actually, you totally can’t trust Us Weekly at all.  But Parker did say this:

“I love the smell of diapers,” she tells the December issue of Elle magazine.

Parker has been on double diaper duty after the arrival of her twin daughters Marion Loretta and Tabitha Hodge — who were delivered by a surrogate earlier this year — and she doesn’t mind at all.

“I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good,” the Sex and the City star, 44, says, adding that she even says she loves “the smell of Balmex,” a diaper rash cream.

Gross.  Like a baked good?  The hell kinda pastries does this woman eat?  Listen, the least disgusting thing that children ever smell of is drool, so this is basically like someone saying their favourite perfume is Eau de Merde.  Which… different strokes, I guess, but dayum.

In the December ‘09 issue of Elle Magazine:

Now you finally have an answer to that old joke: what do you get when you cross Madonna with a horse? No, I meant besides pages 6, 24, and 83-87 of her Sex book (although page 85 is a technically a donkey if you look close enough). The trick is not to interpret the question literally. Then the joke’s not funny at all. Kind of like this post, if you really think about it. Looks like the joke’s on you, suckas!

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin, Splash News

To mole or not to mole: that is the question on the set of the Sex And The City sequel. The Daily Mail says

[After] the actress had a procedure last summer to have her famous mole removed, it seems the make-up artists on set have had their work cut out for them.

While filming yesterday, the brown beauty mark could clearly be seen back in place on her chin, which seems to have been applied for continuity.

Parker was filming a flashback scene yesterday as she stepped into an Eighties outfit of skinny jeans, an off-the-shoulder jump and Converse trainers, complete with permed hair… depicting the then-twentysomething character’s arrival in New York in the Eighties.

Well, fan of the mole or not, I think we can all agree on one thing here: Dee Snider from Twisted Sister has never looked more beautiful. Zing!

“Buck Melanoma. Moley Russell’s wart. Not her wart. I’m… I’m the wart. She’s my tumor”:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News

You know you’ve officially entered the realm of “disgusting old crone” when you have more visible veins than Slim Goodbody. All Sarah Jessica Parker’s missing in these pictures is a bubbling cauldron and a cupboard full of eye of newt.

Leaving her West Village apartment this afternoon:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

After 12 years of marriage and three children together, Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker have gone their separate ways. Nine MSN says

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are reportedly living in separate houses - right after they welcomed twin babies into their family via a surrogate.

SJP is rumoured to be the one moving out of their New York pad, after reportedly purchasing a nine-bedroom home in Brooklyn.

Now I know why Prince Charming is never a closeted gay and the damsel in distress is a never an American Saddlebred in classic fairytales. It just doesn’t work!

People Magazine scored the rights to the first official picture of Sarah Jessica Parker’s and Matthew Broderick’s new twin girls Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. Ten bucks says changing their diapers is the closest Matthew’s come to an actual vagina since passing through his mother’s birth canal forty-eight years ago.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s surrogate reportedly gave birth to twin girls today. According to TMZ

The babies were born this morning at the East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry, according to [local radio station] WTRF.

The station is reporting Matthew and Sarah are currently at the hospital with the surrogate, and will make an announcement about the newborns later this afternoon.

I don’t know a lot about animal husbandry, but I do know that horses usually only give birth to one foal at a time, and in the rare case that there are two fetuses, one of them usually doesn’t survive the birthing process. Good thing Sarah Jessica didn’t try to carry the twins to term herself! That could have been a disaster.

UPDATE: People Magazine is reporting that they named the twins Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. I guess “Future Dyke” and “Fatty-to-Be” were already taken.

SJP, or Madonna/Macbeth witch hybrid?:

The woman selected by Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick as the surrogate for their twin girls is a self-proclaimed “bisexual rocker.” According to the Daily Mail

Michelle Ross, who has previously acted as a surrogate mother for a New York gay couplel, is reportedly due to give birth in July.

Her MySpace profile reveals, ‘I have had pink hair and tattoos and spiked collars. My favourite shoes are five-inch black spike heels which lace up the front. I love metal and rock down to the bones.’

Michelle has a tattoo on one of her wrists of an overlapped pink and blue triangle, a symbol for bisexuality. On MySpace Ross identifies herself as ‘bi[sexual].’

Well, if Matthew couldn’t carry the twins to term himself, I suppose an ugly gay woman is probably the next best thing. The twins will probably never even know the difference, anyway.

With son James Wilke Broderick in the West Village this week:

So much for those rumors of infidelity and gayness — Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are expecting twins! Only someone else is gestating and delivering them, thanks to Matthew’s adult-onset vagina allergy and chronic jazz hand condition. People Magazine says

The Hollywood couple, who already have son James Wilkie, 6, announced they’re “happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate.”

Well, you know how that old saying goes — “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make a man have sex with it.” Congratulations to the happy couple!

The most unconvincing display of heterosexuality since that time your drama teacher had to fill in for the gym coach back in high school:

Now that we’ve got the best-dressed out of the way, let’s go in for the kill: The 81st Annual Academy Awards Worst-Dressed List. Starting with Beyonce, above. I’ve heard the expression “walking like you’ve got a corn cob up your ass,” but this is ridiculous. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn there was a damn Volkswagen wedged into her pooper.

The rest of the list after the jump!

(more…)

Hi guys it’s Sonya again.  Abby’s currently occupied battling her computer, which at 12:30 EST, became self-aware. That Trojan was one mean sucker!

Star Magazine Star told you first that Sarah Jessica Parker’s husband, Matthew Broderick, was cheating on her with a younger woman. Now they’re reporting that the Sex and the City star is house-hunting–solo!

In the Jan. 19 issue of Star — on sale now! — we report that while Sarah thought she could make it work with her straying mate, she recently visited a midtown real estate broker to help her find her own place.

“The time has come when she realizes it just isn’t worth it,” a friend of the couple tells Star. “Sarah Jessica is determined to get her own place and bring down the curtain on her marriage.”

Adds another insider: “Sarah’s not stupid. She knows exactly what’s going on. For a while it was easier for her to stay than go through a harsh divorce. They’re essentially living separate lives.”

Now that the holidays are over, the actress is revisiting her exit strategy, which takes into careful consideration the couple’s 6-year-old son, James Wilkie — just about the only thing holding the pair together.

“They spent the holidays with him, pretending to be happy,” says another source. “SJP is a great actress when she has to be!”

Well, I’m glad that Sarah finally got the motivation she needed to finally become a great actress. I loved her in Seabicuit, but when all you do is wear a saddle and run around a racetrack, there’s not opportunity to stretch those acting chops.

The little filly in her winter coat, dropping off James Wilkie at school: