May 3, 2011
Alexander McQueen was the designer du jour at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Annual Costume Institute Gala Ball last night, with Gisele Bundchen, Salma Hayek and Sarah Jessica Parker all wearing his signature creations. There were two big themes among the patrons — Black Swan, as seen on Liv Tyler, Demi Moore and Miranda Kerr, and Princess Bride, as modeled by Naomi Campbell, Fergie and Miranda Kerr above. Kirsten Dunst, as always, had the ugliest dress there, but Ashely Olsen was a close second in a dress designed that appeared to have been designed by a nearsighted lumberjack turned Victorian hippie. But I don’t know how they get off calling it a costume ball when there wasn’t a wizard, mutant or storm trooper in the bunch. Frankly, you’d be much better off just going to Comic-Con.
More pics after the jump:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
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Apr 21, 2010
If you didn’t think Sarah Jessica Parker could look any more repulsive than she did last week, you’ve grossly underestimated her hideousness. And speaking of hideousness, if you’re wondering why it is you can see every vein and sinew in her arm in the above photo, it’s because she’s topping the scales at a whopping ninety pounds. The Daily Mail says
The 45-year-old’s usually toned arms [have been] replaced by sinewy arms and bulging veins.
Friends are claiming she has become ‘obsessed’ with dieting and gym, leading her to drop even more pounds. “It’s normal for her to be at the gym for two hours every day as well as going for five-mile runs,” [said one source]. “And she’s eating as leanly as humanly possible.”
The 5ft 3in star is said to have dropped from [105 lbs] to [91lbs], meaning she has a BMI of just 16.1. [The minimum healthy range is 18.5].
If I saw something like that coming at me down the street, you’d better believe I’d grab a tire iron and whale on it like I was pounding a fucking tent post into the ground. I wouldn’t quit laying into it until it stopped twitching, and even then, I’d still jab it the eye with a stick a few times to make sure it was really dead. You never know when a zombie might attack. Hit first, ask questions later — that’s always always been my motto. Unless you’re black or an attractive female taking a shower, in which every horror movie ever made says you’re totally fucked no matter what you do. Sorry, but those are the rules.
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
Mar 8, 2010
I don’t know why the hell Nicole Richie would have been invited to the Oscars, given that “The Simple Life” was her greatest acting accolade to date, but you can guaran-damn-tee she won’t be invited back after showing up in this hot mess of a Reem Acra dress. Just think of how many early seventies sofas had to be massacred to make that frock. And then how many Bedazzlers had to give their beaded lives to try to make the dress not look like it was scalped from the couch in your meemaw’s basement. It’s just a colossal waste of upholstery and appliqué any way you cut it.
The rest of the worst-dressed after the jump.
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Dec 17, 2009
Sarah Jessica Parker was so bothered by Did You Hear About the Morgans? costar Hugh Grant’s untamed nails that she took it upon herself to be his groomer. Says msnbc.com:
“He’s one of the most dashing men in the world, and I was shocked at the state of his fingernails,” Parker said with a laugh. “He has a ragged shovel that he uses [in] his teeth. And I am exquisitely skilled with a nail clipper.”
She continued, “He did balk, however, when I brought out an anvil and some red-hot horseshoes. I told him not to be scared, there’s no feeling in the hoof. I get my shoes changed all the time! Everyone knows I’m a clothes horse!”
Outside The Late Show with David Letterman:
Nov 19, 2009
Well, look who’s on the cover of next month’s Elle magazine! It’s Carrie Bradshaw, patron saint of wannabe fashionistas everywhere. I guess being perceived as a clotheshorse has really paid off for Sarah Jessica Parker. God knows it has to be better than just being perceived as a regular horse like before. Zing!
In Equistrian Monthly Bridle & Bit the December issue of Elle:
Nov 6, 2009
Sarah Jessica Parker loves the smell of dirty diapers.
No, for realsies. It says so in Us Weekly, and if you can’t trust Us Weekly, then… well actually, you totally can’t trust Us Weekly at all. But Parker did say this:
“I love the smell of diapers,” she tells the December issue of Elle magazine.
Parker has been on double diaper duty after the arrival of her twin daughters Marion Loretta and Tabitha Hodge — who were delivered by a surrogate earlier this year — and she doesn’t mind at all.
“I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good,” the Sex and the City star, 44, says, adding that she even says she loves “the smell of Balmex,” a diaper rash cream.
Gross. Like a baked good? The hell kinda pastries does this woman eat? Listen, the least disgusting thing that children ever smell of is drool, so this is basically like someone saying their favourite perfume is Eau de Merde. Which… different strokes, I guess, but dayum.
In the December ’09 issue of Elle Magazine:
