D-listers galore have spawned this week — “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” star Sarah Michelle Gellar, “Grey’s Anatomy” actress Ellen Pompeo, and sometimes-model-turned-Jude-Law’s-drunken-bootycall Samantha Burke all gave birth within the last four days. People magazine says

Sarah Michelle Prinze and husband Freddie Prinze Jr. welcomed their daughter Charlotte Grace Prinze on Saturday, Sept. 19. This is the first child for the couple.

They go on to say

Jude Law is a father – again.

Samantha Burke, the 24-year-old aspiring actress whom Law met while filming Sherlock Holmes in New York City last year, gave birth to a daughter Tuesday night.

And even more blahbitty blah blah blah:

It’s a girl for Ellen Pompeo!

The Grey’s Anatomy star, 39, welcomed a daughter, Stella Luna Pompeo Ivery, on Sept. 15 in Los Angeles.

Ugh, the only way this post could be any more boring is if it were read aloud by Wilford fucking Brimley and somehow translated into bean curd and denture adhesive.

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze, Jr. are expecting, according to People:

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. are expecting their first child together, a source close to the couple confirms exclusively to PEOPLE. “They’re very excited,” says the source, adding that the actress, 31, is due in the fall.

Gellar, who has been married to Prinze, 33, for six years, will next shoot the HBO pilot The Wonderful Maladays, for which she serves as an executive producer. Prinze recently shot the comedy pilot No Heroics for ABC.

You know, I willingly watched the first of those Scooby Doo movies, but I was drunk as anything at the time and I still thought it was godawful.  And while I liked “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” a lot, let’s face it, Sarah Michelle Gellar hasn’t really mattered in at least five years.  I don’t think Freddie Prinze, Jr. ever mattered at all.  It’s great and whatnot that these two seemingly happy campers are spawning, but unless this thing is a girl and someday ends up being cast as the new Slayer (and doesn’t fuck it up), then I couldn’t really care less.

I do, however, have this to add:

Buffy: Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?

Xander: I think the word you’re searching for is absent.

Willow: Tardy people show. And yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. [hands Buffy an egg]

Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.

Willow: No, it’s your baby!

Buffy: Okay, I get it even less.

Xander: You know it’s the whole sex leads to responsibility thing, which I personally don’t get. You gotta take care of the egg, it’s a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.

Willow: My egg is Jewish.

Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.

Pants-pisser Fergie raised eyebrows at the Glamour Women Of The Year Awards earlier this week when she debuted a new tubbier physique. According to the The Daily Mail

The 33-year-old [has] gained 13 pounds to play a prostitute named Saraghina in the upcoming movie musical Nine. She said, ‘I was actually told to gain weight for the film so… I’ve been eating chips, fried food, everything I usually avoid.’ Fergie [claims] most of the weight has gone to her breasts instead of her backside.

“Breasts?” Is that what the young people are calling it these days? In my day, we called it “bingo wings” and “Godfather jowls.” Kids and their crazy lingo!

Beauty and the Beast: