Levi Johnston, best known as “the guy who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter,” will be posing nude in a photo shoot for gay men’s magazine Playgirl. The Daily Mail says
Levi Johnston, the ex-lover of Mrs Palin’s 18-year-old daughter Bristol, is training three hours a day, six nights a week at a gym in Alaska in preparation for the shoot.
Mr Johnston has been working out with Marvin Jones, a former Mr Alaska competitor who has put the teenager on a low-carb, high-protein diet.
No date has been set for the Playgirl photo shoot, but it is expected to be previewed by the end of the year.
Mrs Palin’s representatives did not respond to a request for comment on the Playgirl job.
So Levi Johnston will be showing the world his johnson. Ha ha, get it? Johnston, johnson? It’s a wiener joke. I wouldn’t want a joke that subtle to slip right over your head.
Two French-Canadian “comedians” from CKOI radio station in Montreal managed to prank call Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin yesterday by posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy. It’s just as funny as the above clip of John McCain on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Once you listen to it, you’ll instantly realize why you never see any Frenchmen on stage down at the local Chucklehut. They just aren’t funny. French people should stick to doing what they do best and leave the humor and hijinks for the rest of us. There’s got to be a market for “running away” and “plunging small southeast Asian countries into civil war and Communism” somewhere out there!
In case you missed it, Saturday Night Live is airing special Thursday night episodes until Election Day so that Tina Fey can get as much mileage out of Sarah Palin as humanly possible. Last night’s highlight was a sketch that reunited Will Ferrell as George Bush with Tina Fey (of course, as Sarah Palin). Boy, it’s a good thing the Oval Office is a “bummer-free” zone, because MSNBC says
Before [today's] open, the Dow Jones industrial average futures fell the maximum allowed limit… [and] triggered “circuit breakers” that automatically [froze] selling until the market’s 9:30 a.m. open. The Standard & Poor’s 500 index futures index was also down the maximum allowed 60 points to 855.20, and the Nasdaq 100 index futures was down the maximum allowed 85.00 at 1,175.75.
For those of you who invest in Pick Three and Aces High, congratulations. You just schooled Wall Street and the global economy in one swift scratch-off. For the rest of us, the only way this shit could be any more depressing is if it were somehow superimposed onto Bambi’s mother.
October 18th’s Saturday Night Live had ratings not seen since the night that Olympic medalist Nancy Kerrigan hosted fourteen years ago, thanks to Alaskan governor and Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin’s “surprise” appearance. Yup, the real Sarah Palin. The one that kills moose and plays the flute in a french-cut bathing suit. She showed up in the opening sketch, along with trying-to-undo-the-crybaby-bitch-imageMarky Mark, and then sat in on the evening news while Amy Poehler performed an impressive Sarah Palin-themed rap. Sarah’s husband Todd also made an impromptu appearance during the rap segment, accompanied by fake snow and a man in a moose costume. I kept waiting for her and Tina Fey to strip down to bikinis and oil wrestle or challenge each other to a topless jump rope-off, but no dice. I guess that might have been a little too “politically charged” for the McCain ticket. Leave it to the Republicans to just want to play it safe!
Professional porn star Lisa Ann is slated to play Alaskan governor and Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin in the upcoming skin flick “Who’s Naylin’ Palin.” I just hope this one’ll be more of a success than Larry Flynt’sother two ventures into political porn — “Hangin’ Brain with John McCain” and “Backdoor Biden on Big Butt Row.” Not the hits everyone expected. I guess the only time the term “old white men” doesn’t equal “revenue” is when there’s extreme nutsack closeups and airtighting involved.
Lindsay Lohan will be one of the millions dressing up as Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin this Halloween. According to the NY Daily News
[Lindsay's] costume will include the glasses, the perky red suit and ample cleavage. Even better, Lohan gal pal Sam Ronson is thinking about dressing as Sarah’s snow-machine-ridin’ hunky hubby, Todd, to complete the package.
The most predictable costume of 2008? I have to say I’m a little disappointed. I thought Lindsay would go the irony route and dress up as Anne Heche. Something a little more tongue-in-cheek, you know. Because the whole “tongue-in-vagina” bit isn’t foolin’ anybody!
Speaking of costumes, Jessica Simpson dressed as Dale, Jr. at the Bank of America 500 this weekend:
Tina Fey’s spot-on impression of Sarah Palin has not only driven Saturday Night Live’s ratings through the effing roof, but it has also sparked the interest of the Vice Presidential nominee herself. MSNBC reports
If you’re among those who speculate that the only thing better than Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin on “Saturday Night Live” would be Sarah Palin making a cameo on the show, there might be hope yet. If the buzz is to be believed, the NBC show is working to get the vice-presidential candidate and Alaska governor on air before the election.
If Sarah Palin wants to get a laugh, she should show up in that Stars ‘n Stripes bikini with a rifle over her shoulder and a baby and a polar belt pelt tucked under each arm. And she should only speak in the thickest Fargo accent ever and wink like she’s a meth addict with Tourette’s and blather on about the End of Days and gays going to hell and such and such. So pretty much what she already does word-for-word, but in the swimsuit with the props. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, “It’s funny because it’s true!” The joke’s on you, America! I’m not sure whether we’re supposed to cry or laugh here.
Funny or Die has a clip of Gina Gershon as Sarah Palin addressing the “issues” surrounding her nomination for Vice President. It’s pretty awesome, although making fun of Sarah Palin isn’t really that hard. Kinda like how making fun of retarded kids or fat people isn’t hard. The fact of the matter is that Sarah Palin is a fucking moron. But like Homer Simpson once said, “Facts are meaningless. You could use “facts” to prove anything that’s even remotely true.” I figure that’s probably going to be the crux of the entire McCain-Palin campaign. Also, “I don’t have to be careful — I’ve got a gun!” and “Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice normal family.”
Here’s a picture of Sarah Palin that someone Photoshopped. Photoshop is funny. Of course, it becomes slightly less funny when you think about how often she probably fantasizes about wielding a shotgun to get people to shut up about her knocked-up teenage daughter (abstinence-only education rocks!) or her beauty pageant history, or that interview she gave awhile back when she said she didn’t even know what the Vice President does every day. Oh, and the fact that nobody wants some podunk governor from Wasilla, Alaska in charge of anything, especially when her running mate is 72 goddamn years old and has a 33% statistical change of dropping dead within the next eight years. And then there’s that part about how in the 90s she was a member of the Alaskan Secessionist Party, which is more than a little embarrassing when you consider the stink McCain made over Obama’s lack of a patriotic lapel pin. She would also like you to shut up about how she’s campaigning with a candidate who wants to drill Alaska for oil (yeah, the same Alaska of which she is Governor). Most of all, she really really REALLY wants people to shut up about puppet running mates and Geraldine Ferraro and McCain’s lack of support for the pay equity bill and that asinine comment she made about “shattering the highest, hardest glass ceiling once and for all” because she totally seriously thought Vice President was the most important, you guys! Oh my God, shut up shut up SHUT UP!
