Fashion magazines will tell you that if you’re pear-shaped, to try to wear clothing that draws the eye away from your hips and bottom, to play up your top half to balance your bottom half. The rules do not apply however, to Sasha Fierce. Her fashion rules say, “If it’s big, put a bow on it to make it bigger!” and “A girl can never wear too much gold or sequins. Gold sequins are even better,” and “Putting weird angles on your hips are good!”. I think she might be hiding a small village in that thing.
Oh look, here’s Beyoncé performing at General Motors Place, the third stop on her Sasha Fierce tour. I still think the whole Sasha Fierce thing is dumb as hell, and I see Beyoncé is still dressing like a complete lunatic (and not at all in a delightfully cute way). However, this week is so dull that there’s a fair chance I might actually die of boredom by tomorrow afternoon, and these pictures are ever so slightly more interesting than looking at protesters of the G20 Summit.
But seriously, if somebody doesn’t have the common courtesy to get arrested for something scandalous or otherwise create some news soon, I’m gonna lose my mind.
Here is the official music video for Beyonce’s new song “Diva” off her I Am… Sasha Fierce1 album. Honest to God. It’s not an SNL digital short. This piece of shit is the real music video. Oh, and before I forget, Chris Gaines called. He wants his career-ending gimmick back.
1And what’s with name “Sasha Fierce,” anyway? Was the name “Max Power” already taken? It’s a name you would love to touch… but you mustn’t touch!
Earlier we learned about Beyonce’s new album, I Am…Sasha Fierce, but did you know that Sasha is also her on-stage alter-ego? Uh huh. Beyonce has reached that pinnacle of self-important diva-hood that her ego can no longer be contained in one body. Usa Magazine reports,
“I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work,” she tells Reuters. “When I’m on stage, this alter ego that I’ve created kind of protects me and who I really am.”
She adds, “Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage.”
The singer, 27, has said there are “things I do when performing I would never do normally.”
As “Sasha,” she recently told October’s British Marie Claire, “I have out-of-body experiences. If I cut my leg, if I fall, I don’t even feel it. I’m so fearless, I’m not aware of my face or my body.”
Oookay, freakazoid. That might fall under the category of “Not to Share”. I also believe alter-ego is another word for “being high on psychotropic drugs”, but that’s totally speculation. I suggest testing her theory by throwing a nice roundhouse kick to the face the next time she feels fierce. Any takers?
Beyonce at the 2008 MTV Europe Music Awards, wearing C-3PO’s hand
Beyoncé Knowles has that new album coming out called I am… Sasha Fierce, and apparently it somehow involves human origami, because these are the first of the promo pics and Beyoncé is looking a tad Cirque du Soleil up there. Kinda like the bastard love child of Grace Jones and Gumby. It also reminds me a little of the possessed bendy girl from The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I’m guessing that’s not quite the vibe she was going for here, though.
I get the feeling this is supposed to be blowing my mind or something, but… meh. I tried super hard for at least six or seven seconds to get worked up about the astronomical stupidity of this whole Sasha Fierce business, but Beyoncé tends to make me feel nothing but ambivalence, so I am left with only a vague suspicion that Victoria Beckham just might get all irate-midget-alien-robot up in Beyoncé’s face for trying to horn in on her crazy shoe territory. Nobody rocks a weird shoe harder than Posh. Everybody knows that. Well, everyone except Sasha Fierce, it would seem.
