Rihanna was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live this weekend, where she performed a stirring rendition of her musical masterpieces “Birthday Cake” and “Talk that Talk.” And by “performed” I mean “she slapped at her puss the whole time like it was swarming with fire ants and Japanese hornets.” But the real trick is coming up with a clever name for her new signature dance move so it will catch on. I myself like The Beaver Pelt or The Clam Slam, but I have yet to hear back from her people.
Rihanna and her visible nipple on the set of “Where Have You Been” (video after the jump):
Matt Lauer’s interview with Lindsay Lohan will air in its entirety tomorrow, but they released a teaser clip on this morning’s “Today Show” in which she professes to be clean and sober and on the fast track to success. MSNBC says:
Lohan said: “[The nightlife and parties are] not my thing anymore. I went out, actually, a few months ago with a friend. And I was so uncomfortable. Not because I felt tempted, just because it was just the same thing that it always was before. And it just wasn’t fun for me. I’ve become more of a homebody. And I like that.”
“Do you think people have gotten back, or can get back to the point where they trust you?” Lauer asked. “In other words, professional people? You know, if they say to you, ‘Come host ‘Saturday Night Live’,’ that’s a big commitment. And do you think the producers and directors of movies and television projects are going to get back to the part where they can go, ‘You know what? Yeah, we can count on Lindsay. We can bank on her?’”
“I think I still need to go through the process of proving myself, you know, with ‘SNL,’ being on time, being, you know, keeping my — can’t say the word — but stuff together,” [Lohan said]. “Being able to have this opportunity with ‘SNL’ and the film, I’m gonna do what I’m supposed to do and do it as best as I can.”
Yes, making it through a whole week of rehearsals and one 90-minute taping thought ought to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that she’s completely bankable again. I don’t know what what we were all thinking.
Fresh from her string of hit movies legal and financial woes, Lindsay Lohan will be reprising her role as host for Saturday Night Live. It’s kind of sad when the only role you can get is one where they’ll expect you to make fun of yourself. Says Daily Mail,
When she last appeared on Saturday Night Live in 2006 she was still riding a wave of success after starring in two hit films.
So there will be plenty of material to mine for the writers of the comedy show when Lindsay Lohan hosts the show for the fourth time on March 3.
And while she does not have any projects to promote, she will no doubt be hoping appearing on such a high-profile spot will help her get her career back in gear.
The appearance will also give the 25-year-old’s fans something to talk about besides her ongoing legals woes.
Mean Girls star Lindsay seems very excited about the opportunity, tweeting: ‘SNL! I love @NBC !!!!!!!!!!!!!’
She is a big fan of the show, and even referred its executive producer Lorne Michaels as a mentor and father figure.
However she has also been annoyed at the programme, even sending Michaels a letter last year saying she was upset by the show repeatedly making fun of her.
But isn’t that what fathers do? Make you stand up in front of people and make fun of yourself? At least Lindsay will be getting paid for it. My dad thought that I should entertain his drinking buddies by having me do “Where is Thumbkin?” with my polydactyly hand for free.
Not looking a day older than 45 at the amfAR New York Gala:
Besides the accusations of wheelchair porn and sex addiction, “insiders” close to Katy Perry claim that her soon-to-be-ex-husbandRussell Brand was often less than supportive of her career. Us Magazine says:
When the singer guest-hosted Saturday Night Live, the British comic turned down Perry’s plea to perform in a skit with him.
“He told her that she wasn’t that funny,” an insider says of Perry’s skits parodying Pippa Middleton, Christina Aguilera and others. “That really hurt.”
Good for him. She wasn’t funny. God knows it needed saying. The only reason anyone even tolerated any of her shitty skits was for the tits, so she should shut her mouth and get back in her cage and dance like the metaphorical street monkey she is. Shock and titillate me, woman! I’ve got American dollars!
Promoting her new fragrance Meow — I know, I’m embarrassed for her:
After all the hullabaloo and brewhaha (yes, people say “hullabaloo” and “brewhaha”) surrounding Alec Baldwin’s unceremonious removal from an American Airlines flight last week, the Thirty Rock actor decided to make an appearance on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live to issue a public apology… to himself… as Captain Steve Rogers, the pilot of the flight he delayed because he refused to turn off his damn phone before takeoff. After apologizing to himself profusely, he actually says at one point, “Alec Baldwin is an American treasure,” which would have been hilariously tongue-in-cheek had I not thought he honestly believed every fucking word he was saying.
Helen Mirren’s magnificent sexagenarian titties got their own skit on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live (video below), and while you may have seen her in a bikini and topless in the tub, you haven’t experienced the wonder that is her bosom unless you’ve grappled them for yourself. Only then can you truly bask in all their splendor and glory. But don’t think this gives you free license to grope any senior citizen you see. The ladies in my grandma’s bridge club wasn’t nearly as cool about it as Helen was.
Katy Perry finally had an opportunity to address the controversy surrounding her choice of outfit for her Sesame Street cameo last week, and she did it with the usual grace and aplomb you’ve come to expect. That is, she stuffed her tits into a five-sizes-too-small Elmo shirt and bounced up and down and shimmied and shook like someone suffering a Ritalin-induced seizure on SNL this weekend. Check and mate, you stupid uptight parents!
Because her pre-taped segment for the VMA’s was so darn funny, Lindsay Lohan has decided she’s going to host Saturday Night Live and show the world she poke fun at her drunken whore image. Again. The NY Daily News says;
Lohan is in conversations to host “SNL” on Dec. 4, according to a source familiar with the deal.
The NBC late-nighter would give Lohan 90 minutes to prove to those who may still care about her career that she is employable after a string of run-ins with the law and rehab stints.
Yep, nothing says cinematic bankability like hosting SNL. Just ask Tom Green or Macauly Culkin. They wouldn’t be where they are today if they hadn’t!
It was Mother’s Day this past Sunday, and I hope all of you took the time to thank your mothers for wiping your ass for the first three (or in my case, seven) years of your life, and for suffering through every last one of your lame-ass middle-school band concerts, and for letting you ravage her once-intact birth canal and turn it into raw hamburger with bladder control issues. Trust me, being a mom is a lot harder than it looks. A little bit of you dies every time you sit through Sesame Street on Ice or have to construct a diorama of the African Serengeti using uncooked pasta and glitter glue. So to those of you with scars on your feet where Legos and plastic army men embedded themselves in your heels, I salute you. In honor of mothers everywhere, here’s Betty White on this weekend’s SNL. Enjoy.
See what motherhood has done to Christina Aguilera here, one more Debbie Downer skit after the jump:
Hey guys, thanks for hanging out with me this week! I hope you all have a great Christmas. Stay safe, don’t play in the street, designate a driver! Sarah will be picking up next week to carry you through the New Year. See you next year! Enjoy a dick in a box!
It’s no secret that I hate teenagers with a passion usually reserved for ethnic minorities and the New York Yankees. I hate their stupid text speak and their stupid acne-riddled faces. I hate their stupid Twilight franchise. I hate their impenetrable unawareness of what insufferable douchebags they are. So by all accounts, I should hate country singer Taylor Swift… but I don’t. In a world of egotistical oversexed Miley Cyruses and Britney Spearses, she remains humble, self-effacing, down-to-earth, and wholesomely cute. I can’t find anything bad to say about her. Trying to make fun of her is like trying to make fun of a burn victim with Down’s Syndrome. Not to say it can’t be done, but it really doesn’t feel all that great while you’re doing it. Sorta like having sex with an Asian dude.
