Miss California Carrie Prejean was demanding over a million dollars in compensatory damages from pageant officials in a lawsuit last month — that is, until Pageant attorneys showed Carrie they were in possession of her sex tape. According to TMZ

The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly. We know that, because TMZ obtained the video months ago but decided not to post it because it was so racy. Let’s just say, Carrie has a promising solo career.

We’re told it took about 15 seconds for Carrie to jettison her demand and essentially walk away. She pocketed nothing in the settlement.

So when it happens to David Letterman, it’s extortion that merits FBI intervention and jail time. When Carrie Prejean is blackmailed out of a million-dollar settlement with a sex tape, it’s just “legal negotiations.” I see. I’ll have to remember that when I show that girl from HR the secret camera-phone footage I took of her on the crapper last week.

Annoyingly censored topless pics before she got the fake titties:

^{PHOTO SOURCE: Radar Online}

Only ten months after getting married, Josh Duhamel has been accused of cheating on wife Fergie with some second-rate stripper he met in Georgie. Radar Online says

Duhamel, 36, met stripper Nicole Forrester in early October at an all-nude club in Atlanta called Tattletales Lounge, where she performs under the name “Delilah.”

Forrester says Josh first identified himself as “JD”, and said [she] performed a nude dance for him and a male friend.

[Forrester and Duhamel] later exchanged phone numbers, and on October 9th, he called her and invited her to his $820-a night room at the St. Regis hotel, which led to sex, she says.

Forester passed a rigorous polygraph. Duhamel denies the report emphatically.

I don’t know about you, but I, for one, believe her. She’s about as convincingly female as he is convincingly heterosexual. That is, she looks like Carmela Soprano on roids and he looks like he should be walking a hairless Philippino on a pink leash through the streets of San Francisco.

Fergie forgetting she’s not supposed to have a penis and Josh playing prison bitch:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

A former boyfriend of Jon Gosselin’s mistress Deanna Hammel has come forth with a sex tape that he claims to have made with the elementary school teacher several years ago. Along with several stills from the video (see below), the ex says on his website

Hello world! This is a site owned by one of Deanna Hummel’s ex-boyfriends.

When I read the news about her alleged affair with Jon Gosselin from the show Jon & Kate Plus 8, I have to say I wasn’t surprised.

The Deanna I knew wasn’t above cheating, even with married men, hence our eventual breakup. During our time together we made a secret amateur sex tape. It wasn’t a hidden cam or anything, she was totally aware of the fact that I was taping. This has never been available to the public before. And it still isn’t…yet! But I am shopping this tape and am currently in negotiations with sites like porn.com about selling it.

If anyone is interested in making me an offer, please email me at sextape@deannahummel.com

And if that wasn’t enough, new stories are emerging that Jon’s wife Kate is also cheating. Star Magazine reports

Jon may not have been the first to stray.

“I heard Kate was getting way too close with her personal trainer, so Jon started cheating,” Trisha Berlin, a fellow Pennsylvanian [says]. Kate is also being linked to her hunky bodyguard.

I imagine having sticking your penis inside a woman who has birthed eight children is kind of like shoveling sand in the sea. I think I’ll pass on that one, thanks.

Obviously NSFW Deanna Hummel sex tape stills after the jump:
(more…)

Much like the mucus that coagulates in the cervical canal during the initial stages of pregnancy, the scandal surrounding “Jon and Kate Plus 8’s” Jon Gosselin’s three-month affair with school teacher Deanna Hummel continues to thicken. After Deanna’s brother Jason went on record earlier this week to confirm Jon’s multiple trips to the Pennsylvania home he shares with Deanna, his sister responded by telling the press Jason was an unemployed former drug addict and a liar. Us Weekly says

As for Deanna’s accusations against her brother for being “very shady” and “having no job” and a “criminal background,” Jason Hummel — a full-time student at Reading Area Community College - was candid about his history. “I have a bad past and I’m not proud of it,” he told the magazine. “I was selling drugs. I’m on probation. When I made my mistake, I was the same age as my sister is now, making her mistake. Hopefully she can learn from it.”

Meanwhile…

A security guard at a Pennsylvania motel has come forth, telling RadarOnline.com that he also saw Jon kiss a woman who fits the description of Deanna at Legends Lounge on April 19. (Jon has denied kissing Deanna at the club. He also denied that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, even though photos clearly show him with no band on his left hand.)

Perhaps even more shocking in all of this is the revelation that people actually watch this show. I had honestly never heard of it until this week. I figured the only people who tuned in to “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ were stay-at-home moms and guys who stumbled across it thinking was some kind of gangbang porno.

Our good friends over at The Dirty got their paws on a picture of Miss California Carrie Prejean posing topless before earning her crown — and several much-more-naked pictures will supposedly be making their way to the interwebs soon. Posing nude obviously doesn’t mesh with the ultra-conservative Christian values champion image she’s been cultivating since her infamous “I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman” response at the last month’s Miss USA competition. But no doubt about it — that’s her. Topless. TMZ says

Carrie’s rep… gave us this statement yesterday: “This was a photo that was taken several years ago, when Carrie first started modeling. An agent convinced her to pose for this photo to submit to a lingerie company, claiming they could make her the next Victoria’s Secret model. She has since learned what a lie that was, and what a mistake it was to have the photo taken.

Is there any allowance for the fact that she was a minor when the photo was taken, that would allow you not to post? She was only 17.”

A honcho at Miss California USA told us Carrie may have violated her contract, because she represented several times in writing that she never posed nude or partially nude for any photo. We’re here to tell you … that’s not true, [but] we haven’t posted the pics and won’t unless we know she was over 18.

Underneath their posturing and sense of self-righteousness, Bible-beater types are all insatiable sluts. Trust me, I know. My dad was a preacher. Years of shame and sexual repression are a veritable breeding ground for all kinds of fetishes and unchecked deviance. You put that guilty desire in the right hands and you will discover a world of pleasure the likes of which you’ve never known. And by “right hands” I of course mean “tequila.” The cheaper the better.

Former Presidential hopeful John McCain not only lost the election, but it appears he also lost his wife in the process. The The National Enquirer reports

An eyewitness says he snapped photos as the [senator's] wife romantically kissed a long-haired man who resembles “a washed-up ’80s rock musician.” The pair have been seen at concerts and sporting events around Phoenix acting very lovey-dovey.

The photos were snapped April 1, 2006 when Cindy and her companion attended the Tempe Music Festival. The photos are somewhat grainy, but the insider says they depict Senator John McCain’s wife, who was greeted by pals at the event as “Cindy.”

“Cindy had her hand on his shoulder and was kissing him passionately on his lips,” the photog [said]. A second witness spotted Cindy and her “mystery man” at a Moody Blues concert “passionately kissing and hugging.”

It’s not that difficult to believe the accusations considering the 18-year age difference between John, 72 and Cindy, 54. That’s nearly two decades between them. Sure, he might have seven houses and the fascist loyalty of religious conservatives nationwide, but the fact is he’s still a flabby septuagenarian with old man balls. Fact. No amount of money will ever change that. The only reason a woman would voluntarily have sex with a guy that old is because she was banking on him being dead within the next three months, giving her just enough time to establish herself in the last will and testament while minimizing the number of times she actually has to suffer through intercourse with him. Some people call it “prostitution;” I prefer to call it “my ticket out of this dump.” Call me, Senator!

Another Disney naked picture scandal surfaced over the weekend — this time, it’s Adrienne Bailon of The Cheetah Girls, whose nude photos were stolen from her laptop and are currently being shopped around to the highest bidder. According to TMZ

It all started when Bailon was at JFK airport in late October, and noticed her laptop computer was missing from her bell cart. She filed a report… but later that day received an anonymous phone call from a man saying he had her laptop and would return it for $1000.

A meeting was set up with the anonymous man, where he was given the money, and in turn gave up Bailon’s missing laptop … except one minor thing was missing — several semi-nude photos of Bailon she had taken as an anniversary present for BF Robert Kardashian.

Her spokesman Jonathan Jaxson released the following statement:

“The photos that have surfaced of Adrienne Bailon were stolen from her laptop over a week ago at an airport in NY and sent to several media outlets. These photos were taken in private. Adrienne will be pursuing legal action against the person or person’s sending these private photos out.

Adrienne is deeply sorry for any pain this may have caused to her fans.”

Oh, Disney, Disney, Disney. I suppose big picture, it could have been worse. It could have been naked risque pictures of Raven-Symoné. Ugh. But like Raven says, “It doesn’t count as deep-throating if it’s just a soft-serve ice cream cone and a can of Cheez Whiz!” Raven also says, “rmmrmmm rmmm grobble grobble grunt snort nnnguh” in between fistfuls of bread pudding, but I don’t think that really applies here. Let’s try to keep it relevant, people.

You know what goes great right after a scandal involving teenage sexuality and exhibitionism? An ad campaign where that same underage girl looks like she just took a facial. A close second? That same girl bent over the hood of a Ford Mustang while two guys with mustaches snort blow off her ass and some Asian chick deep-fists her. But, you know, I can’t really see tying that in with the health benefits of drinking milk, so I think Miley Cyrus chose wisely in this case.

More MySpace pictures:

Unless you’re deaf and blind and terrified of the television, you’ve been made adequately aware of the prostitution ring scandal in which former New York governor Eliot Spitzer was embroiled this week. I say former New York governor, because as all you non-blind deaf television-phobes know, The Ass Bandit resigned yesterday. God knows the citizens of New York don’t want some jackass willing to drop eighty grand on pussy overseeing the state’s 2008 budget! (”Now, I see the ‘public education’ and ‘labor and workforce development’ allocations here, but where are the funds for the ’super hot pussy?’ Did I miss it?”) Anyway, what we’ve all been wanting to know — who was this mystery hooker “Kristen,” and what the hell could she possibly be doing that costs $4700 a night? Page Six reveals

Her real name is Ashley Alexandra Dupré, and according to her MySpace profile, she loves music and she looks up to her brother. The… 22-year-old singer fled “an abusive home” at the age of 17. In 2004 she arrived in New York City, where she says she spent two years trying to make it in the music biz.

“I have been alone. I have abused drugs. I have been broke and homeless. But, I survived, on my own. I am here, in NY because of my music,” the woman known as “Kristen” says on her MySpace profile. “I can honestly tell you to never dwell on the past, but build from it and keep moving forward,” she writes. She describes her song “What We Want” as being “about trust, something my past has made very difficult for me to feel,” and that it was “inspired by a guy, who taught me not to confuse my dreams with the sounds of the city.”

And just like that, I can guaran-damn-tee this dumb twat’s song will get radio play. After it makes the rounds on the gossip blogs and network television first, of course. Followed by several morning show interviews, a tell-all book, her own makeup and/or clothing line and possible made-for-TV movie. Because all it takes to break into the elite strata of celebritydom in these great United States is to suck off somebody rich or famous and get caught doing it. Even better if you make a tape of yourself doing it so you can sell it online and really saturate the market. Some people might try to tell you that diversifying your funds or investing overseas is the best way to secure your financial future, but I’m here to tell you your ticket to early retirement is actually hidden is some old white dude’s pants. The path to financial freedom is only a zipper away!

Feed the monkey and listen to her shitty song at Page Six or visit her MySpace here.

It’s a special day, folks — the first celebrity sex tape scandal of 2008! Ding ding ding! Today’s celebrity slut is none other than Vivica A. Fox, who you might remember was also arrested last year on suspicion of DUI (she pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor count of driving with a blood-alcohol level over the legal limit of .08 last month). Trans World News says

Actress Vivica A. Fox has a sex tape that has been circulated around recently. An inebriated Fox is seen on her knees, performing oral sex to an Atlanta man, who was secretly taping her on his cell phone. The man then e-mailed the sex tape to his friends, who then e-mailed it to Fox. Fox then e-mailed it to a friend of hers in the Atlanta Police Department. It is unknown if Fox is filing a complaint against the man or asked the police department to handle the situation in a private manner.The tape was confirmed by Atlanta hip-hop station V-103’s Porsche Foxx, a popular DJ in the city.

Well, I suppose it could always be worse. Like, instead of her drunkenly slobbering all over some guy’s ball sack, it could have been the director’s cut of “Booty Call” followed by a clip from “Juwanna Man.” God, would that ever be embarrassing!

What Vivica actually looks like:

What Vivica looks like with the magic of PhotoShop: