Despite both he and wife Jada Pinkett-Smith denying that they are Scientologists, Will Smith’s new school in Calabasas is causing all kinds of negative Scientology-themed press. Several teachers are members of the Church of Scientology, and the school is implementing teaching methods developed by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. The L.A. Times says

The school is not being honest about its links to Scientology. Many concepts on the school’s website are specific to Scientology — the school lists a “Director of Qualifications” and another teacher who is an assistant in the “Qual” department. The “Qual” is where people who have completed a Scientology “auditing.”

“Children are inculcated with Scientology jargon and are led to regard L.R. Hubbard as an authority figure. They are laying the groundwork for later bringing people into Scientology,” says Ron Reynolds, executive director of the California Association of Private School Organizations.

Frankly, I’d say that’s proof enough, but I’ve developed a list of other telltale signs that your child’s school is being infiltrated by Scientologists, just to be safe. Ten telltale signs, to be exact.

TOP TEN WAYS TO REALLY KNOW IF YOUR CHILD’S SCHOOL IS SCIENTOLOGIST

10. Placenta and Barley Formula is on the school menu.

9. “Battlefield Earth” is required reading

8. The auditing course has nothing to do with taxes

7. “Intro to Psychology” replaced with “Intro to Dianetics”

6. “Fair Game” is the standard in all organized sports

5. Grades are given in gradients from OT I to OT VIII

4. Required school supplies include glue, a ruler, and an E-meter

3. The “ARC triangle” and the “KRC triangle” have nothing to do with geometry

2. Approved field trips include a visit to The Freewinds and New Life Improvement Center in Plant City, Florida

and the number one way to know your child’s school is really Scientologist:

1. Tom Cruise is the principal

Will Smith’s co-star Charlize Theron at the “Hancock” premiere in Hollywood yesterday:

For someone who keeps denying he’s a Scientologist, Will Smith sure keeps finding ways to align himself with the religion — this time dropping thousands of dollars to open a new Scientology-themed school in Calabasas. According to TMZ

The New Village Academy’s website indicates that their model of learning is something called “Study Technology” — a method created by none other than L. Ron Hubbard. The school also emphasizes the teaching of ethics and survival — again, big topics in Scientology. While Smith is not mentioned per se on the school’s site, his reps did not deny his involvement.

You know how that old saying goes — if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims like a duck, well, then, you probably shouldn’t have sex with it. Those little bastards bite and carry the bird flu. The more you know…