Kourtney Kardashian revealed that she was pregnant with baby number two in an Us Magazine exclusive interview! yesteday. What a nice, konveniently timed diversion from the PR disaster that was Kim’s marriage.

The E! reality star, 32, took a pregnancy test about five weeks ago.

“Now I’m nine weeks along,” Kardashian tells Us. “You’re supposed to wait 12 weeks to tell people, but I feel confident.”

The son or daughter-to-be will be the second child for the couple of five years, whose son Mason, nearly 2, was a bit of a surprise.

Not so much for baby number two.

“It wasn’t like we weren’t trying,” Disick, 28, says. “We kind of just said, ‘If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.’”

Notice how she said “You’re supposed to wait 12 weeks to tell people, but I feel konfident?” Prediction: Kourtney’s gonna have a “miscarriage.” Just you wait and fucking see. It’ll be a very touching Kardashian Special: The MisKarriage of the Century. I’m calling that shit now. And then when it happens just like I said it would, you’ll turn to me and say, “But Abby… but how did you know?” and then you’ll smile and mouth “peyote?” and I’ll give you a little wink.

Well, she’s certainly gained the appropriate weight around the hips and thighs as per her agent’s instruction:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Lemme tell you a little story about those Kardashian whores and how they think their jackassy reality show “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” should be made into a movie.  Er… well, that’s actually the whole story, so… The End!  Oh, except for the part about how Us magazine has a list of actors the slutzillas think should play them in the movie:

In celebration of their season finale (more than 4.8 million viewers tuned in Sunday, making it the most-watched telecast ever), Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney jokingly made a list on their website of who should play them if a fictional version of their E! show ever made it to the big screen.

Their casting highlights:

KIM: Khloe and Kourtney said Jennifer Lopez, but Kim feels Penelope Cruz would be a better fit.

KHLOE: Kim picked Liv Tyler; Kourtney picked Mandy Moore. Khloe’s choice? Drew Barrymore.

KOURTNEY: Kim said Vanessa Hudgens; Khloe said Eva Longoria-Parker

KRIS JENNER: The girls would like to see either Sharon Stone, Meg Ryan or Catherine Zeta- Jones play their mom/manager.

SCOTT DISICK: The three sisters were all in agreement on who should play Disick: Christian Bale from American Psycho. “We see a definite resemblance there,” they wrote on the site.

Yeah, I know The Pregnant One already had its baby, but I can’t be bothered to remember its name so until it does something noteworthy, it’s gonna stay The Pregnant One.  Anyway, the point here is that The Pregnant One thinks her boyfriend Scott Dickbag Disick looks exactly like Patrick Bateman of American Psycho.  Which he does, of course, but Sweet Jesus I can’t believe she’s AWARE OF THAT and she still lets him insert his Tab A into her Slot B.

In other news, as long as that Dickbag Disick dude’s alive, I’m gonna remain disappointed until he splits one o’ them Kardashians’ head open with an axe.  I mean, where’s his commitment to his character, huh?

The (formerly) Pregnant One and her boyfriend, Psycho Dickbag, at Jet on Friday:

Prepare for the coming of the Antichrist — the Great Satan, Jr. is knocked up! Us Magazine says

Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant.

The E! reality star, 30, is not revealing the father’s identity or how far along she is… [and] refused to say if she and ex-boyfriend Scott Disick were back together.

“You’re going to have to see on the show,” she said, referring to her new reality show with sister Khloe, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, which debuts Sunday.

Oh, I have a hunch who the father is. He embodies all that is evil and will usher in a seven year reign of death and destruction at the dawning of the End of Days. Isn’t it obvious? I’m talking about my stepdad. You’re not the boss of me, Ted!

In Miami with Bigfoot in a sarong:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin