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Hey guys, it’s Sonya today filling in while Abby spends the day trying to fill in the blanks in her memory from this past weekend. Alcohol amnesia can be such a bitch! Hey, speaking about alcohol and bitches, Lindsay Lohan is bound and determined to get back to making great movies again. Wow, that was weird putting Lindsay Lohan and great movies in the same sentence. Says Popeater,

Lindsay Lohan is determined to return to the top of the Hollywood A-list.

In an interview with Vanity Fair conducted prior to her incarceration, Lohan tells the magazine that she’s willing to do whatever it takes.

“I want my career back. I want the respect that I had when I was doing great movies. And if that takes not going out to a club at night, then so be it. It’s not fun anyway.”

“I don’t care what anyone says. I know that I’m a damn good actress. … And I know that in my past I was young and irresponsible — but that’s what growing up is. You learn from your mistakes,” she says.

The actress also defends herself against rumors that she is an alcoholic. “If I were the alcoholic everyone says I am, then putting a [SCRAM] bracelet on would have ended me up in detox, in the emergency room, because I would have had to come down from all the things that people say I’m taking and my father says I’m taking — so that says something, because I was fine,” she explains.

“I’ve never abused prescription drugs. I never have — never in my life. I have no desire to. That’s not who I am. I’ve admitted to the things that I’ve done — to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things ’cause I was young and curious and thought it was like, OK, ’cause other people were doing it and other people put it in front of me. And I see what happened in my life because of it.”

Shit, I must be hallucinating, because for some reason I thought that they put SCRAM bracelets on because you have a problem with alcohol. And I’m so relieved to know that she never abused prescription drugs and has no desire to, because illegal drugs are the way to go. You don’t have to bother with trying to find a doctor who will give you a fake prescription. That shit is tiresome. Also, excuse me, but did she just fast forward like, 10 years or something? I know she has the face of a 30-something, but I seem to remember her getting in trouble for her drug/alcohol shenanigans pretty damn recently. She makes it sound like she was “dabbling”, as she calls it, when she was filming The Parent Trap, for pete’s sake.

Yes, this is what she wore to court on Monday:

Dina Lohan claims daughter Lindsay is all set to join the has-been ranks of NBC’s “Celebrity Apprentice.” And you thought her career was over! Shows how much you know. Dina told Radar Online:

“Donald is a friend of the family, and producers of Celebrity Apprentice have approached Lindsay to appear in the next season. She’s deciding if she wants to do it or not, but she currently has three films in production, so she’s very busy.”

And as for that unfortunate incident at Sunday night’s MTV movie awards after-party, Dina added:

“She was at the MTV Awards and somebody spilled a drink on her leg, which must have set off the SCRAM bracelet. She has done absolutely nothing wrong and shouldn’t have to wear the bracelet in the first place.”

She’s right, you know. Lindsay hasn’t done anything wrong. Not unless you count the two DUI’s, the cocaine possession, the six or seven probation violations and “Herbie: Fully Loaded.” The American penal system is can be so freakin’ unfair sometimes!

Giving Mary-Kate Olsen a run for her money in the old bag lady department yesterday:

Lindsay Lohan was photographed guzzling Raw Organic Kombucha Botanic No 3 Tea during her 10-hour hair appointment in Beverly Hills yesterday, and everybody’s all concerned because the tea might not be court-sanctioned. TMZ says

Lindsay was pounding Kombucha — a fermented tea that claims several health benefits [including] “restoring healthy balance to the body.”

Due to the fermentation, the tea contains a trace amount of alcohol (0.5%).

BFD, except it might be part of Lindsay’s master plan to drink on the sly by providing a legitimate beverage scapegoat when the SCRAM device goes off. Us Magazine says

Being shackled with an alcohol-monitoring anklet doesn’t mean Lindsay Lohan won’t try to tipple.

A source says the actress, 23, claimed she [used] a paperclip to jam the signal [and] “put tea tree oil on to fool it.”

Says a Pasadena Recovery Center [counselor], “Addicts will use anything with alcohol to set it off, so they can say, ‘Oh, I wasn’t drinking. It’s my perfume!’”

Or, “Oh, I wasn’t drinking — it’s just my organic Chinese cleansing tea! Of which my consumption has been widely documented! By numerous paparazzi agencies not affiliated with my legal defense!” And if that doesn’t work, she can always claim it was her Bartles & Jaymes bath beads and Bacardi Black body splash.

Lindsay Lohan might have been ordered to wear an alcohol-monitoring device and undergo weekly drug testing, but don’t go thinking that’s gonna cure what ails her. TMZ says:

Under the rules of the drug testing program, Lindsay can still take [prescription medication], provided they were prescribed by a doctor. Lindsay [currently] has prescriptions for Adderall and Ambien. Any prescription that shows up in Lindsay’s system during random drug testing will not get her in trouble with the judge.

But friends of Lindsay and her father Michael [say] the scripts are a big source of Lindsay’s problem. So Lindsay could still pass her drug tests and still have some of the problems she just can’t seem to beat.

Well, she spent nine hours in a hair salon yesterday dyeing her ratty-ass weave yellow, so I think it’s safe to assume she finally figured out how she’s gonna beat the system: she just tells the judge that the black-haired Lindsay is not Lindsay at all, but her evil twin sister, and if she jails Good Blonde Lindsay for Evil Twin Sister Lindsay’s actions, she’s just playing right into Stefano Dimera’s hands and becoming another pawn in his master plan to bring down the Bradys. According to “Everything I Needed to Know About Case Law I Learned Watching Days of Our Lives,” that’s the pinnacle of air-tight defenses right there.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

At yesterday’s hearing, Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer petitioned Judge Marsha Revel to allow Lindsay to undergo random alcohol testing rather than fit her with the SCRAM bracelet because Lindsay would be filming a movie in Texas and it would “interfere” with her work. Reasonable argument, except the Texas Film Commission has no permits connecting Lindsay to any film whatsoever and her IMDb profile currently shows no projects in development. Good thing the judge said no, then. According to TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan made it clear to the court that she didn’t wanna wear a SCRAM bracelet because she thought it would get in the way of an upcoming movie shoot in Texas — problem is, no such shoot exists.

The producers of the only two motion picture projects Lindsay is currently attached to — “Machete” and “Inferno” — tell us there ARE additional ["Machete"] scenes being shot in Texas, “but they don’t include [Lindsay].”

As for “Inferno,” a rep tells us it’s not being shot in Texas — so the SCRAM bracelet would have no affect on that film either.

I thought lying in court was called “perjury” and against the law, even if you had your attorney do it for you. But then again, what do I know? I thought possessing a controlled substance and operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol and not showing up to court was against the law, too. Apparently the laws in Los Angeles aren’t so much “laws” as they are “general guidelines.” Sorta like the Code of the Brethren set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, except for celebrities instead of multiple amputees with scurvy.

Video from her hearing after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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