Just four days after she filed a $1.5 million lawsuit for battery and false imprisonment against ex-boyfriend Shawne Merriman, Tila Tequila publicly entered the realm of cuckoo bananas by ranting nude for hours in front of a webcam. Nine MSN says

The reality star’s antics included doing a striptease, waving a gun around, removing a tampon and masturbating in front of the camera.

She also took the opportunity to defend herself against all her haters.

“People call me an attention whore … or whatever,” she ranted. “But excuse me, I’m a grown ass woman and I’m confident in myself … I think a woman’s body is a beautiful thing … that’s why I’m a lesbian … I was born naked … anybody who is against that is gay and in denial.”

She later declared, “I am an angel … because I am here to save the world with my army.”

Unfortunately, you can’t watch Tila pull out her Tampax or rub the monkey anymore, because her lawyer went and pulled all the videos. According to TMZ

[Tila's attorney says] he thinks the domestic violence incident with Shawne in September may have “pushed her over the edge.”

[However, he] acknowledges something is seriously wrong with Tila and he’s trying to figure out how to get her some help.

Um, yeah. Bitch is completely fucking insane. She thinks she has an army? Please! You’d be lucky to find three dudes that still give a shit about her busted-ass implants, much less an entire army. If she were any more delusional, she’d be Kathy Lee Gifford.

A couple of screen caps from the video:

Are these pictures really stills from former Miss California Carrie Prejean’s sex tape? I don’t know, and frankly, this isn’t CNN. All I can tell you is that I found them on the internet and the internet told me it was her. If it’s fancy “fact-checking” and “source verification” you want, you might try iamahugefaggot.com instead.

Click the puppies for mega-NSFW masturbation action:

^{Video courtesy JoBlo}

This clip from Carmen Electra’s supposedly “leaked” sex tape features no boobies, no vaginas, and hardly any tongue at all. It’s real Rebecca Gayheart home video quality, let me tell you. I’m not going to come straight out and say it’s boring, but you should know I got a bigger boner watching “The Life Cycles of the Mealworm” while alphabetizing my sock drawer. And I don’t even have a penis. So counting this video, that makes two of us with absolutely no wieners at all.

Lots more screen caps after the jump

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I already gave you a taste of Sophie Monk topless in “The Hills Run Red,” but you guys don’t usually complain when I toss more titty your way, so here are Sophie Monk’s bare boobies. Again. That’s about it, really. No sense in beating a dead horse here. Especially when there are so many other things you’d rather be beating at the moment. Yeeeah, baby! High five!

Lots, lots, lots LOTS more NSFW boobage after the jump:

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Sophie Monk’s new movie “The Hills Run Red” heads straight to a DVD player near you today, in which she plays a stripper who shows her boobs. That’s all I really know. I was going to do a little more research, but that would have required reading words instead of staring at her boobs. Which, ironically, is exactly you’re doing right now. Dumbass!

All thumbs 2 and 3 NSFW:

If I’m ever going to wield my vision of an absolute gynocracy on an unsuspecting public, I’m going to need someone like Megan Fox in “Jennifer’s Body” to spearhead my campaign. Someone who has all the power of a soul-sucking demon, but still renders men helpless with the overwhelming desire to masturbate. Otherwise Hillary Clinton would be my obvious first choice.

PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News

Here’s Denise Richard pulling off her bikini top on the beach in an episode of her reality show “It’s Complicated.” Only it’s not complicated. It’s crap. I guess E! was hoping the tits would keep you from noticing.

NSFW:

My knowledge of vampires starts and ends with Castlevania and Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest, but I can tell you one thing about HBO’s new vampire show True Blood: there are boobs. Specifically, Anna Paquin’s boobs. This is one time non-Belmont clansmembers can use their Mystic Whips* without incurring any damage. Woo! High five!

_{*The wiener. I was talking about the wiener. I don’t know why you have to make this so hard sometimes.}

All pics NSFW: