If your son ever comes home one day and asks about the Revolutionary War and why we have fought every day since to foster and maintain our freedom, you show him this post and say “This is why, son. This is why.” Only then will he truly understand.
NSFW Lake Bell in “How to Make it in America”:
Here are four words never used collaboratively in the history of the English language: Nancy Grace nipple slip. For good reason, too. Just click the header. It’s like a big old wad of ground beef. Us Magazine says:
On Monday night’s Dancing with the Stars, the 51-year-old HLN host had a major wardrobe malfunction. After ABC quickly cut away to a static shot of the audience, Grace readjusted her dress and buried her face in partner Tristan MacManus’ shoulder.
“On the European version that would be perfectly fine,” Tom Bergeron joked.
But the judges were able to see past the partial nudity and appreciate Grace’s performance. “How refreshing,” Len Goodman said. “That was a proper quickstep. Well done!”
Now we just wait for a Nancy Grace upskirt to hit the interwebs and my own private circle of hell will be complete. My fifth-grade teacher must be so proud of me right now.
Yet un-yanked video of the slip after the jump:
I vaguely remember hearing about a Leann Rimes sex tape last week, but it was supposedly with her closeted ex-husband Dean Sheremet, so I didn’t really give it much though. If I wanted to see a gay man muffling his sobs and choking back dry heaves while thrusting half-heartedly, I’d just get my honeymoon video out again. But that’s probably all for the best, because her sex tape doesn’t even have any sex, not even the gay-man-playing-hetero kind — just footage of her changing while he coos at her in a creepy baby voice. She tweeted yesterday:
Since when is changing in front of a mirror in a thong a “sex tape?” the fact that someone has STOLEN a tape of private moments of when I was 18 and is trying to profit off of it is sick and the fact that the media is trying to make more of it than it is, a few private moments of me changing and joking around [e.g., the baby voice] is misleading and wrong. Once again, I have never filmed myself having sex period. All I know is you see more of me on a beach in a bikini. Moving on, so should everyone else!
The only thing worse than farting during sex is using the baby voice during sex. The second you start coochie-cooing and saying words like “widdle bittums” and “daddy likey,” my legs instinctively snap shut like a Venus Flytrap. You’d have better luck plying me with a ski mask and a roll of duct tape.
Megan Fox’s career hasn’t exactly taken off since she abandoned the Transformers franchise — “Jonah Hex” and “Jennifer’s Body” were both huge box office flops, and her latest movie “Passion Play” is being sent straight to the five-dollar DVD bin at your local Wal-Mart. The Daily Mail says:
The 24-year-old actress’ movie Passion Play premiered at the Toronto Film Festival in September but is now being released — straight to DVD.
After numerous viewers walked out of the screening in Canada last year and critics branded it ‘awful’, a ‘mess’ and ‘an absolute car wreck’, the distributes have apparently cut their losses.
Passion Play is about an angel who is under the thumb of a ruthless gangster and is saved by a trumpet player down on his luck.
There’s “wooden,” and there’s “catatonic,” and then there’s Megan Fox. She makes Jessica Simpson look like Meryl fucking Streep.
Screen caps from the movie:
A 3 minute clip from Tila Tequila’s yet-to-be-released lesbian threesome sex tape has leaked online (watch it here), and mother of God is it disgusting. I actually have a vagina, and even I don’t know what I’m seeing in half of the pics. Like (NSFW) here, for instance. What the fuck IS that? Is it the tip of an elephant’s trunk? The all-seeing eye of Sauron? Am I looking into the Sarlaac in the Great Pit of Carkoon? I don’t know whether to be terrified or aroused, so I’m going to go with my gut and just start drinking.
Puppy thumbnails are extremely NSFW screen caps:
You can tell these screen grabs are from “Love and Other Drugs” because they have Anne Hathaway’s boobs in them. Otherwise you might actually be watching “Autumn in New York” or “Sweet November” and never even know the difference.
The much ballyhooed lesbian kiss scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman in “Black Swan” found its way on the interwebs today, and I don’t really even mind the crappy quality. It’s almost like I’m looking through a high-power telescope into a girl’s bedroom from a tree three yards over. Or as I like to call it, “my element.”
Trailer after the jump:
News of Ke$ha’s sex tape broke back in March, but the first of the supposedly leaked screen caps/naked photos just started making the rounds today. You’ll note that DJ Stolen (I’m not a detective, but probably not his real name) had the foresight to label the seminal fluid on her stomach for you, in case you thought it might have been snot or egg whites, because plenty of women like to do their cholesterol-free cooking topless. I just wish Lipitor had been around when I was growing up. It would have made breakfast with Mom a hell of a lot less disturbing.
Scarlett Johansson for Mango, because Ke$ha looks like a fat sk8er boi/gypsy fortune teller hybrid:
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin
Katy Perry posted a 30-second preview of the video for her latest single “California Gurls” (yes, she spelled it “gurls”) on her Twitter yesterday. The video appears to be set in a makeshift Candyland and shows her tonguing an ice cream cone, wearing a bra made of pastries and shooting foam from her tits. Subtlety obviously isn’t what she was going for here, but the gratuitous boob action still doesn’t excuse Snoop Dogg’s ridiculous pink cupcake suit. Mario Cantone was quoted as saying, “Man that shit is gay.” And a hairless Peruvian was using his ass as a hand-puppet when he said that, so that goes to show you just how fucking gay it really was.
“Shameless” is an award-winning British drama television series that revolves around the day-to-day struggles of the Gallagher family, but now an infinitely better version starring Emmy Rossum and William H. Macy has come across the pond to Showtime. What makes it better, you ask? Well, the American version delves deeper into the working class consciousness and offers more insight into the self-destructive tendencies of the proletarian alcoholic. No, I’m totally kidding. Emmy Rossum shows her tits in it. Where did you think I was going with this?
Mostly NSFW:
Update! Warner Bros asked us to remove the pics. Sorry!
Kendra Wilkinson pretended to be outraged when Vivid announced it was going to release her 2003 sex tape, but in real-life she had her own manager meet with the porn company to release the tape herself. The photo above is the fruit of said labor. Fox News says
The cover art for “Kendra Exposed,” features a large picture of the reality starlet smiling beside three smaller screen grabs from the alleged tape that show Wilkinson sucking her finger, licking sheets and staring sexily into the lens.
Wilkinson’s husband, however, is “totally upset and embarrassed,” and concerned about how his wife’s sex tape will affect his NFL career.
Apparently Baskett comes from a religious family.
“Hank makes her pray before meals now. His family is so religious,” playmate Brittany Ginger [said].
She mouth-swabbed old man balls for money and fame and worked in a strip club before that, but the sex tape is straw that’s going to break the camel’s break here? Come on. That’s like being outraged when a truck stop hooker gives you scabies. Oh, I was fully prepared for the gonorrhea and the Hepatitis C, but sarcoptic mange? This is just coming out of left field! Why would you ever think a Playboy model would have a sex tape? It makes no sense whatsoever!
Good news, if you’re into grainy low-res screen caps of naked 18-year olds — Vivid is releasing some stills from Kendra Wilkinson’s sex tape gang-bang. Vivid says on their website:
Never before seen images from the Kendra Wilkinson sex tape will be posted today.
These provocative stills preview her soon-to-be-released Vivid feature, containing explicit sex scenes of the star of E! Television Network’s popular Girls Next Door.
Founder/co-chairman of Vivid Steven Hirsch [said], “We’ve been inundated by her fans asking for photos from her movie, and here they are.”
A release date for “Kendra Exposed” will be announced shortly.
It’s pretty obvious from the picture below that Kendra was already living the dream waaay before she met Hef. That’s genuine pressboard furniture right there! And you don’t find that kind of premium imitation leather on just any platform boot. It’s probably one of those fancy “vinyl/leatherette blends” I’m always hearing the girls at the strip club talking about.
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