Rihanna Refusing to Testify; May Have Secretly Married Chris Brown in Miami

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Rihanna & Chris Brown

Despite the fact that he did this to her face, Rihanna is now balking at pressing charges or testifying in the case against Chris Brown since she reconciled with him.  She is no longer cooperating with police, according to the Sun UK:

The 21-year-old is refusing to help with their investigation after rekindling her romance with the singer.

But detectives may still have a case against Brown, 19, and will hand their file to the Los Angeles County District Attorney later this week.

A police source said: “Rihanna says she doesn’t want to testify against him. She has had a change of heart and doesn’t want the case to proceed.

“However detectives are still building their case based on what she originally told them and accounts of witnesses.

Oh, but it gets better (if by better, you mean unfathomably worse).  Rihanna may have secretly married Chris Brown at Sean “Poof Doody” Combs’ mansion in Miami last weekend.  This is from Star, so keep in mind that there’s probably a 95% chance that it’s at least halfway made up:

…the couple had a tearful face-to-face meeting at Diddy’s $14.5 million Miami mansion, during which an emotional Chris apologized, begged for forgiveness and proposed to her on the spot.

“All she’s ever wanted was to be with him forever,” a source tells Star. “Rihanna is looking for the husband-and-two-kids deal before she turns 25. She believes in fairy tales, and she wants to live hers with Chris. She was totally up front and confessed to him, ‘I can’t live without you.’”

The pair wasted no time making Rihanna’s fairy tale come true. They even called a minister to the mansion on exclusive Star Island!

Ugh.  Okay, even if this is actually true, I refuse to talk smack about Rihanna because the psychology of the abused woman is a dark and complex web, but Jesus H. Christ on a crumpet, where the shit are her handlers?  Totally discounting the eleventy million other reasons this is a bad fucking idea, at the very least it’s an incredibly poor business decision as far as the future of her career is concerned.  The backlash started once word got out that she was even accepting his phone calls.  If she really did marry his ass, things are going to get very ugly.

Star’s “Secret Wedding” cover:

Star Magazine 3-16-09, Rihanna's "Secret Wedding"

Chris Brown, whose arraignment is scheduled for tomorrow, looking chagrined and chastised in Miami, like he learned a valuable and life-changing lesson:

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The NAACP Image Awards Were Last Night

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Halle Berry 2009 NAACP Image Awards

The 40th Annual NAACP Image Awards were last night.  I have no idea if they were televised, because I still have the flu and I spent my evening raging with fever, hoping that I might die in my sleep and find an end to my suffering.  Alas, I woke up this morning still nine kinds of alive and still feverish, cursing every god I’ve ever heard of.  I am not remotely in a good mood, so buckle your chin straps, bitches.  Today might be a little bumpy.

Another red carpet, more ladies in dresses…

Rosario Dawson (oooh, pretty):

Rosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image AwardsRosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image AwardsRosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image AwardsRosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image Awards

Rosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image AwardsRosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image AwardsRosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image AwardsRosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image AwardsRosario Dawson 2009 NAACP Image Awards

Halle Berry (drink her in before she shaves her head for Nappily Ever After):

Halle Berry 2009 NAACP Image AwardsHalle Berry 2009 NAACP Image AwardsHalle Berry 2009 NAACP Image AwardsHalle Berry 2009 NAACP Image AwardsHalle Berry 2009 NAACP Image AwardsHalle Berry 2009 NAACP Image Awards

Dakota Fanning (I guess she’s a Strong Black Woman now since she did The Secret Life of Bees):

Dakota Fanning 2009 NAACP Image AwardsDakota Fanning 2009 NAACP Image AwardsDakota Fanning 2009 NAACP Image AwardsDakota Fanning 2009 NAACP Image Awards

(more…)

P. Diddy is Responsible for Barack Obama’s Win

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Welcome to the Brave New World, boys and girls — Barack Obama has officially been elected the 44th President of the United States, garnering 349 electoral votes to John McCain’s 162. Democrats now control both the House and the Senate. And who do we have to thank for this historic political shift? Why, rapper Sean “P. Diddy Puff Daddy Puss Whiffy” Combs! He told reporters (via Yahoo News)

“I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Barack Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. I just felt like, Martin Luther King, and I felt the whole civil rights movement, I felt all that energy, and I felt my kids.”

I, for one, am grateful to live in a nation where famous people decide things for me. What to wear, what to watch, how to vote — just imagine all the actual thinking we’d have to do if it weren’t for celebrities! Germany might have had its “Gestapo” and Russia its “KGB” and the Wal-Mart its “Military Detection of Anti-Homeland Activities,” but nothing sways a pliable public quite like bare boobs and pec implants. Long live the Tabloid Secret Service!

The T.S.S. electing the new president:

celebritites-vote-1celebritites-vote-2Kim Kardashian votes celebritites-vote-4celebritites-vote-50celebritites-vote-6

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