The divorce is off! Sean Penn and Robin Wright-Penn have kissed and made up for the 4,308th time. According to the NY Daily News

Weeks after filing for legal separation from his wife of 13 years, Penn has withdrawn his motion, pulling the papers from California’s Marin County Superior Court.

“It was an arrogant mistake,” Penn [said].

Friends of the couple believe Penn filed his petition in a fit of pique.

“They may have gotten into a fight where she said she wanted a divorce and he filed just to beat her to the punch, even though he doesn’t want a divorce,” said a pal. “They love each other like crazy but they fight like crazy,” said a pal.

“That doesn’t mean they’re suddenly happy and in love. It’s anyone’s guess where this is going.”

There’s a word for people that vacillate between dish-smashing scream-fests and bouts of amorous passion: Italians. Sean and Robin should really go ahead an open a barber shop/pizzeria and embrace their inner guidos already.

Robin at Cannes this week:

‘Morning, boys and girls, it’s Sonya today. Surprise, surprise, another Hollywood marriage bites the dust as Sean Penn files for legal separation from Robin Wright Penn, better known (to me, at least) as Princess Buttercup. People reports,

Sean Penn has filed for legal separation from his wife of 13 years, Robin Wright Penn, court papers filed last week in Marin County, Calif., show.

The actor is seeking joint physical and legal custody of their children, daughter Dylan, 18 and son Hopper, 15. He is also requesting that the court not award any spousal support to Wright Penn. The papers show the couple separated on April 23.

Poor Robin. I had hoped that she would have found “Wuv, twu wuv” , but it looks like she got stuck with more of a Humperdink than a Westley. Of course, if she really misses his face, she could always get a toothless grandma to suck on a lemon. Same thing.

With Naomi Watts filming the upcoming film, “Fair Game”:

Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn’s divorce has been called off courtesy of a dismissal filed and granted on Tuesday. Us Weekly says

[Sean had] originally filed divorce papers December 7… but the petition was dismissed December 18. On December 21, [Robin] filed her own request for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences.

[After the dismissal was granted], the pair hit an Eddie Vedder concert in San Francisco, where Penn… dedicated a song to his wife, 42, on stage for her birthday.

I’ll have been married six years this July, so I’m pretty fluent in the language of the successful marriage. It’s all about the give and take. It’s knowing when to say “Don’t get up; Let me bring you another beer” or “How about I start leaving the toilet seat up instead of always making you put it down” or “Hey, why don’t you go down to the lobby and bone some Russian models while I cry alone in our hotel room?” That’s what marriage counselors call “compromise,” from Latin compromissum, meaning “you signed a prenup, sweetheart.”

Another model Sean porked earlier this year at the Food Bank’s Can-Do-Awards Monday:

For every knocked up actress in L.A. getting engaged, there’s a decade-old Hollywood marriage hitting the skids. The NY Daily News reports

A pregnant Jessica Alba is getting hitched to her baby daddy. Alba, 26, was spotted sporting a sizable rock on her left hand over the holidays and her rep confirmed Thursday she and aspiring producer Cash Warren, 28, are engaged. No date is set for the nuptials and insiders say the pair may hold off until the baby is born.

But then People magazine reports this morning:

Sean Penn and wife Robin Wright Penn are divorcing, their rep, Mara Buxbaum, confirms to People exclusively. No other details were immediately available. The couple, who’ve been married 11 years, have two children together, Hopper Jack, 14, and Dylan Frances, 16.

I’d normally say something about Sean Penn’s anti-American antics being the cause of his divorce, but I recently became an anarchist, so I’m gonna say it has more to do with his mustache. Yikes. As for Alba, well, I predict months of marital bliss before she catches him with an underage Thai boy and a two pounds of hashish. None of it will matter when the Bilderbergs orchestrate the New World Order, anyway. Not even the mustaches. Hope you all wanted police states for Christmas, ’cause that’s what you’re getting! Also probably fruitcake and over-the-limit fees. After all, ’tis the season for credit card debt and conspiracy theories.