Sep 1, 2009


Britney Spears’ entire extended family joined her in Miami yesterday for a little fun in the sun with the kiddies. The Daily Mail sys
Famous sisters Britney Spears and Jamie Lynn Spears wore colorful bikinis as they relaxed poolside with their children, mother Lynne and father Jamie at the five-star Mandarin Oriental Hotel on Brickell Key.
Britney and her sons Sean Preston, three, and Jayden James, two, frolicked in the pool with Jamie and her 14-month-old daughter Maddie.
Things sure start improving when you get both Spears siblings together in bikinis! Like your odds of finding a dude with a high school equivalency who actually knows how to bowhunt nearby, for example.
Even more Spears bikini action after the jump:










PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin
(more…)
Nov 25, 2008

Britney Spears is all smiles and exposed midriff on the cover of December 11th issue of Rolling Stone, in which she divulges some choice tidbits about her delightful and well-adjusted toddlers. Us Weekly quotes her as saying
“They’re staring to learn words like ’stupid,’ and [3-year old Sean] Preston says the F-word now sometimes,” Spears reveals. “He doesn’t get it from us,” the singer stresses. “He must get it from his daddy [Kevin Federline]. I say it, but not around my kids.”
That’s probably true, not because she’s vigilant about clean language around her children, but because she’s probably only seen them a total of eighty-four hours in the last year and a half. Not a lot of time to imprint vocabulary on the impressionable, as things like that go. One thing you won’t be reading about in Britney’s Rolling Stone interview, however — her ongoing battle with bulimia. Star Magazine says
A source [says] Brit’s diet consists mostly of “Taco Bell and turkey jerky washed down with Red Bull. She throws up after meals, both at home and at restaurants, and she isn’t very discreet about it.”
The pop star is also “taking diet pills. She has to go to the bathroom constantly. It just runs right through her. And everyone knows she still throws up when she’s eaten too much. You can smell it in the bathroom.”
A crazy woman who reeks of puke living with her father and saddled with two little brats. The only way that line could be more unappealing to men everywhere is if the words could somehow leap off the screen and kick them in the testicles. See, there’s “lowering the bar,” and then there’s “using the bar to ass-fuck yourself in front of a mirror while sobbing uncontrollably.” I’ll let you decide which heading “dating Britney Spears” falls under.





May 7, 2008
Britney Spears met up with ex-husband Kevin Federline in court yesterday for her first custody hearing in over three months. This one went decidedly better than the last one, in that she didn’t show up five hours late and talking in a British accent. TMZ says
Brit will get three days of supervised visitation per week… [and] she will also have overnight visitation within a month. The goal is to ramp it up over the next few months so that Brit gets 50/50 custody [again].
Good for her. It looks like she’s finally learned her lesson. Like she said on the way out of the courthouse, “Making the decision to have a child - it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.” No, wait — that’s not right… I think it was Elizabeth Stone who said that. My mistake. Britney actually said, “Dammit, SP, I dun tole ya ta quit touchin’ Mama’s smokes with them grubby little fingers a yers. I sed QUIT!” Ah, the mother-child bond! It brings a tear to the eye.
At Bally Total Fitness yesterday:
Mar 7, 2008
Those supervised visits with mommy apparently register as “terrifying” on the toddler distress scale, because Britney’s boys have been having nightmares ever since she came back into their lives. According to Page Six
Sean Preston has been sleeping in the same room as father Kevin Federline lately because he’s been having nightmares. Preston also cried for his dad at first when Britney picked them up. The boys are said to be confused when it comes to their mom, which is another reason why either Jamie Spears or a psychologist is present during the visits.
I’d say “confused” is an understatement. You can’t expect a kid to just black out the night mommy was strapped to a stretcher and hauled away. The wail of the sirens; the flashing blue lights; the steady drone of the choppers circling overhead while mommy screams from inside the bathroom — it’s practically Viet fucking Nam, for Chrissakes. Only instead of the man in the black pajamas, it’s a fat chick in a pink wig and British accent. That’s got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder written all over it.
Britney shopping on Robertson Blvd Tuesday:
Feb 25, 2008
After nearly two months without seeing her children, Britney Spears was finally reunited with her sons on Saturday. People Magazine reports
After lawyers for Spears and Kevin Federline reached a visitation agreement Friday, the pop star saw her children for the first time since Jan. 3. Sources confirm that Jamie and Britney’s psychiatrist were present for the visit.
The last time they saw mommy she had one of them locked in the bathroom and left tied to a stretcher, so as long as one of them didn’t get eaten by a bear this time around, I can only assume it went a little better. Although I’m sure Sean Preston was disappointed in the lack of emergency vehicles and helicopters at Mommy’s house. That’ll all change once he’s old enough to start setting fires and torturing animals in a desperate plea for his mother’s attention. Nothing brings out the boys in blue and the firetrucks like arson and the first signs of sociopathic behavior. It sure worked like a charm for Charles Manson!
EDITOR’S NOTE: The picture above is not from the three-hour supervised visit on Saturday. You’ll note the lack of a psychiatrist armed with restraints and a syringe full of sedatives in the background.
Jan 11, 2008
Despite initial reports that Jayden James and Sean Preston were okay, Britney’s little boys didn’t go entirely unscathed during her little meltdown last week. Not just the emotional scars, either. Us Weekly says
When police arrived at Britney Spears’ Beverly Hills home on Jan. 3 to investigate her custody dispute with Kevin Federline, they discovered that her youngest son Jayden James had at least one bite and several bruises on his body. After [noting] the bite mark and bruises on the child, police were told… that older brother Sean Preston [was the one who] bit him.
Likely story. Sounds a lot better than Britney mistaking him for a giant marshmallow-covered pork chop, which is probably what actually happened. I imagine a lot of hand rubbing and salivating and a Fat Bastard-style “Get in mah bell-ay!” as she chased him around to some Benny Hill sketch music with a crazed look in her eye and a fork and knife in either hand.
Wait for the 1:02 mark in the video above to watch Britney chuck her lit cigarette at the gas pump three feet away from her car.