So now that Miley Cyrus’ pantless-blazer getup is out of the way, we can talk about who actually won at the Billboard Music Awards last night. Let’s see — um, there’s Taylor Swift… she’s clearly holding some sort of trophy in that picture, so she must have won something. Probably Best Country Artist or Song of the Year or Most Photogenic, if only because Most Disappointingly Not-See-Through Lace Dress isn’t a Billboard Music Award category. Unfortunately, I’d already uploaded all the Taylor Swift pictures and downloaded Temple Run before I realized there wasn’t a nipslip in the whole bunch, so my hands were effectively tied here. I blame the industry.

Thanks to this picture of Kristen Stewart, you now know what Regan MacNeil would have looked like as an adult if Father Damien and the power of Christ hadn’t compelled her. That squat probably means she’s either about to piss the red carpet or violate herself with a crucifix again.

With the infinitely more beautiful Charlize Theron at the “Snow White and the Huntsman” premiere yesterday:

Statistics indicate you’re more likely to encounter an Asian Crested Ibis on your way to work than see Lindsay Lohan in a bra, but lo and behold, she’s actually wearing one in these pictures. That probably means odds are good that one of us is getting struck by lightning this afternoon.

In L.A. on Friday afternoon:

I was wondering why somebody brought a mannequin from Hot Topic to the NARM Music Biz Awards, but then I realized it was actually Katy Perry under that shroud of darkness and eternal abyss. I assume she went to smoke cloves and listen to Bauhaus with her Taco Bell nightshift manager boyfriend Azazel the Forlorn right after this picture was taken.

NARM Music Biz Awards dinner party:

This see-through Givenchy monstrosity is what Beyonce chose to wear to last night’s Met Gala. Puppeteers estimate that at least thirty Fraggles had to die in order for that dress to be made. I’m just glad Jim Henson’s not alive to see this.

Sofia Vergara es muy caliente in May’s GQ Mexico. I would add other phrases in Spanish, but my understanding of the language is limited at best. I don’t think “Dónde está la biblioteca?” is relevant nor erotic, so we’ll just leave it at that.

Mustachioed behemoth Rosie O’Donnell was on the Today Show this week as part of the Today’s Professionals segment, and comments that she made about Lindsay Lohan’s downward spiral and Lifetime’s mistake casting her as Elizabeth Taylor in their new movie “Liz & Dick” had people so fired up that the Today Show brought her back today to defend her stance — namely that Lindsay Lohan is a fucking trainwreck caught in the dregs of addiction who hasn’t had a decent movie out “Mean Girls” opened 96 months ago. USA Today says:

Rosie stuck to her opinion about Lohan, recalling her as a “beautiful, talented little kid,” when she was doing Parent Trap. And then, “We’ve all seen what’s happened in the last decade and it’s tragic.”

“Listen, I’m 50 years old, and watching Whitney Houston’s funeral I remember thinking why didn’t more people say what they knew. We all knew. When she would not show up to do this show, not show up to my show. We watched Being Bobby Brown. It was like watching Sid and Nancy. They were people in the throes of addiction. But all we cared about was the ratings, not that this talented individual, this human being, this mother, this daughter, was worth saving and pulling out of the money market industry and I know only someone can be in control of their own sobriety, but to look at Lindsay Lohan you cannot help but feel for her. I do not think she’s untalented. I think she’s quite talented.”

And what does Lindsay think about Rosie’s completely factual and accurate statements about the current state of her career? See if you can guess:

Lohan isn’t too worried about Rosie’s rant. “I know that I’m great,” she told Access Hollywood. “I know Liz Taylor really well and we shared some makeup artists … same hairstylist. We’ve worked with a lot of the same people.”

With such a profound personal connection — makeup AND hair stylists! — they’re practically the same person. Except, you know, Elizabeth Taylor has two Academy Awards and a Screen Actors Guild’s Life Achievement Award, and all Lindsay has to show for the last six years is 10 Razzies and the herpes simplex virus. The same, only different.

Sonya’s in till Tuesday while I do some court-ordered drying out of my liver, but in the meantime, enjoy 90′s Victoria’s Secret model Stephanie Seymour in a see-through dress at the Tribeca Film Festival, because I’m a giver:

My mom used to say to me as a way of inspiring me when things didn’t seem to be going my way, “When all else fails, show your boobs.” Somehow I think former “Pussycat Dolls” member Melody Thornton got that memo. Of course, since I wasn’t even quasi-famous, when I did it, it tended to end up with charges of indecent exposure. Life’s just not fair.

At Elle’s Women in Music bash last night:

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Rihanna left Da Silvano Restaurant in New York last night flashing her bits, which is all fine and well, but what I can’t figure out is why it looks like she got dressed from the closets of a construction worker and his son. Apparently the dad didn’t have any shirt to spare, so they hobbled together a shirt for her out of one of the kid’s sweaters and a pair of his pants. It sounds like a page from some weird fairy tale, except instead of furry sidekicks, an award-winning score and true love, there’s bad pop music, a thank-you quickie and a lingering rash.

Thumbnails are LSFW, except for that last one, where she apparently realizes her boobs are showing.

I have a pressing question: What sort of undergarments should you wear under a sheer dress? If you’re ex-Disney star Adrienne Bailon, the answer is absolutely-fucking-nothing. Brilliant! Daily Mail reports,

Adrienne Bailon, a former member of the Disney franchise The Cheetah Girls,

did a full-frontal-flash after arriving to an NYC event in a sheer dress without underwear.

Bailon, 28 year-old former ex-girlfriend of reality star Rob Kardashian, exposed both her private parts and much of her derriere in a barely-there frock to the Escape to Total Rewards event.

A strategically placed piece of poufy, beige fabric blew in the breeze, giving gawkers an X-rated view of the singer’s pubic area.

The pop starlet was reportedly “red-faced” when she realized she’d shown more than she meant to, according to the Daily Mail.

Oh horseshit. No one wears a sheer dress with no underwear with a little bit of poufy fabric hanging over your freshly-shorn puss (what a co-inky-dink!) if you’re not cruising for some indecent exposure. When I speed in my car naked from the waist down, I know exactly what I’m doing. What can I say, I have a thing for being cuffed by policemen.

The last two thumbs are NSF:

Funny thing is, that’s technically a one-piece, meaning I could’ve worn Rihanna’s swimsuit during mixed bathing at Bible camp. You know, if I didn’t have to wear a long-sleeved shirt and a wide-brimmed hat to keep my psoarisis from flaring up in the sun.

Photographer Kate Orne clearly knows that subtlety is for pussies. Just like condoms and seatbelts.

Thumbs 1-7 from the Kate Orne photoshoot; thumbs 8-15 from New Look Lingerie photoshoot: