NBC is so desperate for ratings that they’ve taking to jerking off donkeys for Nielson points now. Yes, contestants on Monday’s “Fear Factor” will have to drink a glass of donkey semen, followed by a donkey urine chaser in order to move on to the next round. The Daily Mail says:

The stomach churning segment was apparently filmed last summer and is set to air next week.

While show executives were said to have had their reservations, the segment was filmed and as yet there are no plans not to screen it.

The challenge required teams of twins to drink a full glass of donkey semen – with a glass of urine thrown in for good measure.

Contestants had to drain both glasses in order to qualify for the next round.

Jesus Christ, is this “Fear Factor,” or fucking “Jackass?” Shame on Joe Rogan, and shame on NBC. That’s bestiality as far as I’m concerned. You can’t buy back your dignity, asswipes.

Miranda Kerr for Victoria’s Secret, because she’s not drinking donkey semen:

I know I don’t look at a picture of Lady Gaga without thinking, “Boy, I wish I could smell like that.” Looks like my dreams are about to come true! Pop Eater says:

According to Fashionista, the shocking superstar is developing her first fragrance, and Mother Monster has reportedly requested that the scent “smell of blood and semen.”

I’ll save you the $59.95 and give you a DIY version: have period sex, but halfway through, stop and put a condom on before you continue. Then when it’s all done, you just dump whatever’s inside the condom into one of those fancy glass atomizers and have at it. Voila! You smell just like Lady Gaga. For free. You’re welcome!