America’s sweetheart, O.J. Simpson, was sentenced today for those armed robbery shenanigans in Vegas.  From the AP:

LAS VEGAS – A broken O.J. Simpson was sentenced Friday to at least 15 years in prison for a hotel armed robbery after a judge rejected his apology and said, “It was much more than stupidity.”

The 61-year-old football Hall of Famer stood shackled and stone-faced when Judge Jackie Glass quickly rattled off his punishment soon after he made a rambling, five-minute plea for leniency, choking back tears as he told her: “I didn’t want to steal anything from anyone. … I’m sorry, sorry.”

Simpson was immediately led away to prison after the judge refused to permit him to go free on bail while he appeals.

Simpson’s co-defendant and former golfing buddy, Clarence “C.J. Stewart, also was sentenced to at least 15 years.

Sure, O.J. broke into a hotel room and held people at gunpoint and tried to take a bunch of stuff that didn’t actually belong to him, but this seems like they’re making a really big deal out of a little bitty armed robbery.  What’s the fuss?  It’s not like he ever killed anybody.

…oh, wait.

A judge sentenced Wesley Snipes to three years in prison for tax evasion yesterday. TMZ reports

Snipes was convicted in February on three misdemeanor charges for not filing his taxes. The government claimed he owed $2.7 mil — but Snipes’ attorneys argued it was just $228,000. No fine was imposed, but the three-year sentence was the max he could have gotten.

Snipes was not forced to surrender immediately. Instead, the judge ruled he could surrender at a later date, closer to his New Jersey home.

A fair sentence, to be sure. Only a year for each of the Blade movies. That’s a cake walk. I would have thrown in the Judas Cradle or the Spanish Donkey just for “Too Wong Foo” alone. Something with a little more bite and 16th century Germanic Europe feel to it. There’s not a single modern-day equivalent evil enough to slake the cinematic sin that was Noxeema Jackson.